The stones bleed their desire
Infants lift up Your praise
But I want to be the one who cries louder
I want to be, be a fool for You

The poor worship with hunger
The saints sing with the angels
But I want to be the one who cries louder
I want to be, be a fool for You

Chorus:
Holy, reckless abandon
The only gift worthy a King
And I will not offer You something
that doesn't cost me everything

Bridge:
And You come drawn by our praise
And You take pleasure in us
You're beautiful, beautiful

Thoughts from Friday

So God did a powerful thing Friday night. As we moved from the outer courts to the inner, as the drum beats carried us into a war stance, I felt us equipped and properly stationed for the battle. Passivity, compromise, and unbelief cannot be present when you war on behalf of the King. And I knew we could ask Him for anything and He would not only grant it to us, but He would do a "suddenly" work. That night I asked Him for revival for this valley and I've never had the boldness to do so before and believe for it. Now I do. You do not have because you do not ask. I want to be like Joshua, living without compromise, taking victory at every stronghold of the enemy's until God's kingdom is established fully. I've lost some battles but He's forgiven and cleansed me. I have to keep moving forward. I want to see the supernatural realm a reality and most of all I want to see Jesus. There's this little quote in the movie "Cars" where Mator is driving around backwards and I think it was a word for me. "You don't have to know where you're going, you just have to know where you've been." It's so true b/c if we know where we've been then we'll know what we can't go back to. God closes off areas of victory in our lives so we don't return to our old ways. We're forced to move forward. I don't really know where I'm going, although it's ok to have vision and very important. But overall, I don't really know how God is going to accomplish all of it and when. I just know I'm changed when I see the places I've left behind.

"Tumbling Ground"

I had the strangest dream last night concerning a video game-like scene where I was fighting this big guy with a sword. Eventually I just started wailing on him and soon he was on the ground where I continued to take him out. I saw his power depleat on a little meter and that was that. I took his sword and then transformed into this little guy. Who knows, it might be cause I was playing Kings Quest last night, though you don't really have action like that.

I had a really great birthday. The people at work blessed me with their kindness. Right now I'm listening to that Black Peppercorn's cd. I love Kevin Prasch's words. He has that little edge of wisdom mixed with very poetic style. That's probably my fave combination. I hope he comes out with a new one soon. "Is it true that those who love they seem to be so sad sometimes?" Ah, it's just the perfect mood for the mornings. Not too lively, just contemplative. I'm drinking my coffee and "thinking of you babe and in a little while we'll soon be together." Such a neat, jazzy feel to it.

I'm working on a new song but it's strange. I mean it's not strange, it's strange that my lyrics have sort of taken a let's know Jesus in His suffering tone. But I did write a worshippy song after the conference and hope to play it soon.

Open the Vents

It's been one of those weeks. Not overwhelmingly so, but just annoyingly so. Saturday is my birthday and for the first time that I can remember I'm sort of not looking forward to it. My parents aren't here, my roomies are in CA, and other friends are off on their own little adventures. I got into an agrument with Aaron the other day about how he made some comment about not having money to go out for my birthday. And I know I took it the wrong way but it pissed me off cause he could've just said something like I'll go and just not eat. It's just me dealing with rejection and oh yeah hate. I told God this week that I really didn't care if I held onto my hate cause I was tired of loving people here anyway. And after I had my little pity party He sort of reminded me of this dream where there was a spirit of hate in my room and He had to kick it out. It's really just little things. Work, stuff at home, it adds up. I feel there are some things I ought to finish. But I also feel like there's gonna be a change in the near future. Maybe that just means me getting off to Serbia and Macedonia for a bit. I'm sort of gritting my teeth and trying to have the best attitude. I don't have a whole lot of grace for those younger than me, like the peops in the intership that I should have grace for. They just really tick me off most of the time b/c of the way they feed off each other instead of going to God. And that shouldn't bother me; no one said they're mature Christians yet. I could go on and on and really hurt some people I think. So I'll leave it at that. I'm tired of hearing the same old answers to people's problems. Have the stuff people say I don't think they even believe it themselves. It's like would you want to hear a cliched reply to your life's dilemma? And I'm not even talking about me. I just listen sometimes to their opinions that go on and on and I wonder if they even stopped to consult God on the matter or if they're just hoping to strike oil at some point during their monologue. Oh yeah, that brings me to another point, why do I want to marry "a nice guy?" LOL. That's like saying, well he may not really love God and he may be full of selfish ambition, but he's a nice guy so that's all that matters. Don't people get it yet? I just want to be with someone whose heart is completely in love with the Lord. I don't care if they only love me a little bit. Someone who thinks I'm their sun and moon would drive me crazy anyway!!! But I can run with someone who's running after God. And that's all I want to do. Run with God. Hell, marriage is overrated anyway. People build their fantasies up in their mind, like it's the answer to every bit of lonliness or isolation or failure you've ever felt. That problem's only gonna be bigger once you're married and you've haven't got it yet that only Jesus can help. I'm not cynical on the matter. I still believe there's one person you're created to be with. I don't care what others say about the issue. So don't ask me to treat it either as some common thing. Did Jesus date around till He found the one He wanted to die for? No, He knew me before time and knit me in my mother's womb. His timing is so perfect. Anyway, enough on that. I think I'm done for now. I feel better. Thanks.

Another Fairytale for My Collection

When I was young, I longed for war.
When I grew old, I walked along the
shore of a blood river and longed for
peace. Neither came when I called
but waited just out of reach. For who
can command such times as these?

ª

Warm crimson steals down the silver lip, stripping its purity, its clean
edge. A light winces under a clogged drain and bounces off the metal
blade with a fornicating touch. Not the kind of glow which dispels the
spell of a night such as this. It is a light which prefers the vile alley wall,
to hang like a man guilty at the gallows with foul interest. Another
swing as swift and moving as a morning’s rise. Red covers the brick and
kisses down to the cracked pavement where countless, unspoken acts
have begun a darker path for the ones who once walked unashamed in
the sun. Tonight, there is yet another and she stands cross-kneed in
shadow. Her head barely touches a windowsill, just as her little hand
cannot touch or hold hope. She does not understand that the man with
the sword is not a man. His fingers burn around the grip with anger, with
love, with an ancient honor that is given to those who overcome. She
supposes he is her new father and she will not have to die alone. But
there is a pale and slender form, its body bent bare in attack, its mouth
full of seductive song. It sings about smooth skin, innocent eyes, heroine
wealth, and love of self. The man brings the blade down through the
stream of defilement where it spears an ashen arm. The shape screams
like a halting train along its prison rails. Who said demons don’t bleed?
You just need a weapon of wisdom. This is just the beginning. Yet it is
a moment among many moments that store their pain in the records
of heaven and humankind. The silver edge burrows into the demon neck
and cuts the root from the vine. The girl will survive but it will be much
longer before she tastes life. I’m sorry. I’m just an angel. She steps
bravely toward his light, though it is heavy like a mountain fog. I’ve
been told you’re a great warrior. Now I see. Such a small child
commanded me. She wishes she could keep him close, her body and
mind are weak. He will come when she calls for her spirit is strong.

Aloha Writers

I'm sitting here at Morningstar, using their free internet access whilst a guy talks about consumers in media. He's a sort of funny character. He looks like a mouse, with little hands always out front, shaking as if he's waiting for cheese to drop out of the sky. But he's smart and here are some tidbits I want to remember.

"The medium is the message." It's not about what the medium is saying, if it's "gansta rap" it's going to communicate materialism, drug use etc. Try and bring the gospel into such a medium might taint what is being said. Lots of arguments on this but it's interesting.

You can't be a passive observer in the media. As Christians we are responsible to have a voice of dicernment and truth. It's not an opportunity but our very call. Do we just want to add to the ocean of opinion and creativity or do we want to bear fruit that remains?

Now Joyner is talking. He's dressed like a Hawaiian captain. I've never noticed before but his head shakes a little, back and forth, while he talks. He did say something this morning which is good to keep in mind. Many books should lose up to 1/3 of their book. In today's world because there are so many other forms of media you have to tighten things up. "It's amazing how few words THE WORD used." We have to use a sharpened two-edge sword.

LOL...he just said how he and Don Potter use to ride their motorcycles together a few times a week and their deep fellowship consisted of pulling up to a stop light and grunting.