Draw Me

Draw me and let us run together. That should be the cry of every believer, to know God in a deep and contemplative way, and to reveal Him in service to others. More often than not we are imbalanced. We have one side without the other. When in truth you cannot properly serve without knowing Him, and You cannot fully know Him without serving others. I have found myself in the past year in a season of extreme exertion and sacrifice. It is not a boast for I have neglected the better half, in my opinion, the solace of being drawn by God and finding rest in prayer and meditation. Now, I have asked for those things to be a reality once more. I love such contemporaries as Henri Nouwen who has followed in the footsteps of fathers like Thomas Merton and Dietrich Bonhoeffer. They all emphasize the need for reflection and spiritual discipline in the case of solitude, prayer etc. So I am knocking on the door once more of my Father, and I believe He has shown me the correct door in finding Him. I know what it means to perform in excellence, to go beyond the natural limitations of a human until there is nothing left to give. I watch my manager at work do the same, to say all the right words, to have all the right strategies, to interact in all the right ways with people. And yet, I know the result is not deep satisfaction but an endless drive to achieve the unachievable, that just-out-reach place where you will be completely fulfilled with a sense of success and self-importance. But the chase leaves you vulnerable to rejection, completely exhausted, and with the ever present notion that you are a failure. I have experienced that this past year in my “righteous service.” And in some sense, I did not realize what was happening. It is easier to feed on the adrenaline of sacrificial behavior than it is to feast on the word and presence of God. In my woundedness, I am coming home, having been drawn by the Father to care for the garden of my heart first. But not to end there, to learn to run together, to be drawn into the secret place and then out into the city. It is not easy when you are use to the routine of business. It is necessary to retrain your senses to listen, and to quiet your mind, to let the word of God saturate your thoughts and memories. But once you taste of His goodness, it will not be easy to forget. Instead of man’s approval, His is the only opinion which will matter. Did I understand that correctly God? Did I see that rightly or is it my tainted point of view? And the relationship which had so diminished before will grow stronger and stronger.

Battlestar

This is my quick plug about my new favorite show, Battlestar Galactica. Ok, so no laughing please. This is a serious matter. I have never been so enthralled by a cast of characters and the trials they face like I have with BSG. I know I have a weakness for sci-fi but this is such a well written drama that I think anyone could find themselves indentifying with the many battles, whether external or internal, that the crew faces. There is never a dull moment. Ever since their planet became a radiation zone from nuclear invasion of the Cylons, the colonial fleet has been on the move in search of Earth. At the command of William Adama, and Laura Roslin, they must persevere in their faith inspired quest for a planet they only believe to exist, all the while running from the cyborg enemies that now look human. There is so much insight into what it means to lay your life down for the greater good of humanity, and what it means to be on the front lines without hope of relief. Most of the leaders were forced into their positions by necessity, each having their own character flaws and having to learn to trust each other and work together as one unit to survive. Adama's right hand man is an alcoholic. The best fighter pilot has a thing against authority and walks a very fine line. The president is a woman who overcomes cancer. Sharon is a Cylon that loves humankind much more than her own kind and must win their trust over and over again. Their expert scientist is the very man who opened their home planet up for attack by the Cylons. And the deeply complex and believable conflicts continue as Adama says, "sometimes you have to roll a hard six."