The Land

It's Good to Write Again

2010-03-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

It's 2010, the end of March, and my 2nd year in Greece is speedily coming to an end. I have learned a lot, believed a lot, cried a lot, laughed a lot. And it's not over yet. Whoever thought that with one simple step like buying a one way ticket you could completely alter your life, your family, your friends, your dreams, your goals? I guess I am the same girl who at age 5 wanted to be an actress. But then I am at the same time someone God has re-created in the midst of prayer and trial and love. This nation is stamped on my heart, these people are my fellow comrades in arms, this city has made me alive.

I feel like I'm almost starting at ground zero again. Need to believe for provision, need to get crafty, need to fight that old enemy that I'm just ordinary. I've started a cd project which will be my first real cd. I'm blessed to work with a man who's dedicated and excited about the process. In the words of my spiritual father, "You can't be an over-comer unless you have something to overcome."

Some time ago I felt like the Lord told me to spend a lot of time in the John's. I'm not sure if He meant all of them but I've been reading a lot of 1 John. You can't go wrong with love. Love at all times. It's not easy learning to love like You. But if there's one thing that can change things, one thing that can turn a relationship around, one thing that can break walls, it's love. And even if it hurts like hell...you better love. Out of that, your reward is love. A heart big in the ability to love is unique, it's what God is after.

1 am and I am off to bed...

Is There Anybody Out There? When Heaven Breaks In

2009-03-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

So it's been a while and now I'm currently living in Thessaloniki, Greece, the land of gyros and coffee bars. But I thought I'd revisit my blog, get it up and running again so that I have a record of my travels and experiences. It's hard to believe I've been living here already for four months. In some ways time has flown. In others, it has stopped. A typical day here for me consists of a few things: prayer/worship, meeting people, lunch and coffee, and/or whatever meeting might be taking place that day. I have a feeling things are gonna get a little busier soon, and I'm looking forward to feeling the pressure of not enough time, as strange as that might sound. Let's see, in these past few months I've been to Skopje twice, almost got stuck there, traveled to Istanbul, almost got married to an old Turkish man, joined in a multi-church worship conference, flew a kite by the ocean, found new family, fell in love with the Greek people, found myself dreaming more, realized how much I still let fear have its way, going to new levels in worship, writing a lot, singing even more, enjoying God like I've never had, and well the list goes on. So this will definitely be an experience of a lifetime, and the first of many to come I imagine. I've had my downs, like worrying about money, missing fam and all my DP dwellers, or just plain feeling alone. BUT...I wouldn't trade it for anything...well maybe a really really nice and new Taylor. No, but seriously, I have a feeling I'll be sticking around these parts until I hear God say otherwise. Some crew from DP will be here in 2 months which will be awesome. And, the winter has quickly faded into a fast approaching spring. Which means, it's time for me to break out the hippie-ness and play music outside. It's been really cool to see God moving in this nation, to fight alongside people who've been faithful in this region, to belive for them and with them. Lately, I've been listening to a lot a lot of Lou Engle about the prayer movement, and it's only adding to my own passion for houses of prayer to spring up all over the world. The hour or two that I spend praying each day is not only a lifeline to me, but I feel such momentum to love God and love others in the things I have to do. My prayer lately is that God will pinpoint his faithful ones in this city, that we can unite in prayer and service for this nation, that young and old will be given a clear and powerful voice to see a people come to Lord, to see captives freed, and religion broken. Something is brewing here...

The Call, Loose Ends, and a Kingdom of Violence

2008-08-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday a group of about 42 people headed off to DC to join forces with Lou Engle and clan in the battle for our nation. As soon as we pulled up, though still miles away from site, I could feel the momentum and thickness of the Spirit. Perhaps it was my own excitement to be thrust into a period of 12 hours non-stop strategic prayer and worship but felt drawn in like a moth to the flame, pardon the cliche. The heat and fasting were a toll but when you're energized by the Holy Spirit there ain't nothing better. I've learned not to put expectations on how an event like this will look b/c every time is different and God has a different focus. But I love being in an environment where people pray with such confidence and victory in mind...no doubting. It's something I'm growing in and I want God to take me to a higher level where I see things change around me b/c I declare His will. There was a time at the end where they were praying for young leaders to arise and my heart rejoiced. Like the apostolic youth group that shook a nation 2000 years ago, I want to be a part of disturbing the status quo, the peace, the darkness around me. There was a sweet time where a few of us prayed released over each other for various callings and I really sensed God imparting vision to me. For Tech, for Greece, about who I am. Anyway, I leave for Thessaloniki in less than two months. Time is passing fast. I've got to pack and get moved into my sister's. I've got to sell some stuff...I've got to believe God for some stuff and take one big step out onto that sea.

DP@VT starts up again soon and how I love this small group of believers. I know it's gonna grow and I know we'll reach so many people on campus. I'll try and post updates about Greece.

Where Has the Time Gone?

2008-07-21T19:14:00.001-07:00

Sorry for not posting in a while. It's been a challenging, eventful, and somewhat overcoming month. Like I overcame the month, took it by the bull horns, and yeah, now I'm almost in August. But all in all a blessed and surprising time. Ever feel slightly off track...sort of off-kilter like you have a bad case of vertigo, can't quite find your rhythm? And then something happens that sort of just directs you back on path. I guess mainly for me it's been priorities. Mine have been all to pots this month but hey grace and mercy and the goodness of God. All in all I think things that troubled me have turned out to be sign posts pointing me in the right way. Like my roommate getting married and having to look for a new place. Not getting the job I wanted. I think I'm getting a big, fat boot to the butt, as my trusted and gentle authority would say, getting kicked out of the nest. It is always a blessing to have family from over the great blue and hear testimony of what God is doing. I feel a real connection with them and now am planning a more extended stay in Thessaloniki. How cool is that? One of the birthplaces of the gospel. What an honor. I can't stop thanking God. Anyway, sleep is overdue, there are ogres to battle, vampires to slay. And a warm bath calling my name.

Ethenbern: Red-Dwarf tree city

2008-06-21T14:19:00.001-07:00

So for the few of you who know what I'm referring to here: a glimpse into what I see Ethenbern looking like. Though of course more people, more weapons, more blood. Shotgun the jumper in the back.

Adama's Revelations

2008-06-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching the half-season conclusion of Battlestar Galactica, which will pick back up sometime in the fall. I have one cliche word for you. Amazing. The past couple of episodes have flung us headlong into the human-Cylon struggle to find peace and rebuild a world that both have a hand in destroying. As they continue on a course for Earth, sanity is lost, betrayal inevitable, and hope dwindles for no one is who they think they are, and home is a fading dream. The young, pompous son has matured into a great leader, president in the absence of Laura, the hot-headed, rebellious Thrace has finally achieved her destiny in unlocking the key to earth, and my personal favorites Admiral Adama and President Roslin have finally realized that a different path is needed in order to preserve humanity, one that includes trusting the Cylons. You see their leadership falter as they both endure difficult realities, such as the Admiral's C.O. revealing himself to be a toaster, and Laura's cancer ever speeding her on toward death. This little band has endured close to hell to see the fulfillment of the prophecy that they would find earth, and as Bill takes that first step onto land, grabs a handful of dirt, and throws it away angrily, you know they haven't reached their resting place. Another mystery is yet to be solved before the colony can settle in renewed hope, and began again with the Skin-jobs by their side. The scenes just before landing on earth are everything they should be. The crew rejoices, Adama delivers a short but poignant speech, he embraces the woman that's given their vision strength, Lee hops onto the com and hollers like a madman, Celtic battle music plays in the background. Beautiful. But then the camera fades with Laura's cynical word, "earth," on a dreary, desolate beach and the ruins of a temple that look like they've been blown to pieces. Everyone is disheartened, human and Cylon alike, as they glance over what should have been a glorious end to all their perseverance and struggle. Wow. Great job Moore and Eick. I couldn't have thought of it better. Now, we only have to wait a few months to see the path grow darker before, hopefully, they can "lay their burdens down" in the light of their new home. Will Laura really die? Will Adama be able to maintain his sanity if she does? Will Saul and the Admiral forgive each other? Will Baltar ever confess his sin to the rest of humanity? Will the Cylons revert to their old ways? And of course...who is the final fifth? This show is not for the faint at heart but I recommend it to those who enjoy a good boxing match or a flight through the stars. You won't be disappointed.

Dances on the Frontier

2008-06-02T19:07:00.001-07:00

So if you've ever been to a foreign country or begun a venture you weren't quite sure how it would end up then you'll agree with me when I say there's nothing like it, no better school, no amount of entertainment that can equal such an experience. I've been reading Dances with Wolves. Not only do I love the wild beauty that is the frontier, the strange civilization of the Indians, and the story of one man's quest to discover what it means to truly be alive, but I find myself entranced in his words and in the memories of my own journeys where I've tasted similar things.

You take that first step off the plane, nothing smells right, no one speaks English, you know there are two things that never change: coffee, and beer. Aside from that you're on your own. I'm exaggerating here for literary's sake so please...

"With a startling suddenness, the lieutenant felt overwhelmed. He realized that he had no idea where to begin, what his function should be, or even how to regard himself. He had no duties, no program to follow, and no status."

As you begin to settle into life of a different kind, life out on the frontier where values don't equal what is common in western society today, you begin to see with very different eyes. The woman who's lived there all her life yet still treats the poor with fresh compassion, a cup of coffee shared with someone you might've gone to war with once, the passing of stories from one culture to the other, laughs over who said what wrong and how close it was to being a major taboo...all elements which make for a rich day.

"What he might have had lacked was pale in light of what he had. His mind was free. There was no work and there was no play. Everything was one. It didn't matter whether he was hauling water up from the stream or tying into a hearty dinner. Everything was the same, and he found it not at all boring. He thought of himself as a single current in a deep river. He was separate and he was whole, all at the same time. It was a wonderful feeling."

You don't have to go gallivanting across the world to know what I mean. A simple risk, a chance where it makes sense to make sense, is all that's required. It doesn't matter who you aren't because you're too busy being who you are. To all my friends who've been there and are there keep on riding. I'll be joining you when I can.

Judging Caspian

2008-05-18T15:04:00.000-07:00

Disney delivers yet another adaptation of Lewis’ adventures with the return of Peter, Susan, Edmond, and Lucy to a post-golden age Narnia where Telmarines threaten the existence of its fabled creatures. The story begins with the flight of young Prince Caspian from his malicious, pseudo-Spanish uncle aspiring to claim the throne for himself, and the land that is a fading Narnia. For the most part, the opening scene is formulaic with the aid of a wise professor, the gallop from treacherous guards across a dark and open vista, and the sudden appearance of rescuing Dwarves, Warwick Davis including. Caspian blows the mysterious horn of Queen Susan in attempt to thwart his foes, which in turn resonates in fifties England where the Pevensie children await their train.

Despite the predictable magic whilrwind of Disney animation, childish humor, Caspian's facial suicide, and plot detours from the original book, the movie manages to exceed the Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe in entertaining action sequences and the lessons of growing up to deliver a decent, worth the money show. Dialogue is sporadically slow, topped with witless retorts of talking rats, who should have been played by Paul Giamatti, and sprinkled with the ridiculous rolling of r's by none other than the prince of the hour. Lucy, however, manages to captivate audiences once again with her girlish charm, and graceful features while Peter comes swinging full force, desperate to become a man. It seems that these two siblings personify the battle between belief and human rationality, and what it takes, well beyond the eleventh hour, for ordinary kings and queens to become something more.

Aslan's cameos are few and far between, yet there is no doubt he is lord over man and beast, "not a tame lion." For as he states he never does things the same way twice, unhesitatingly drawing the trees out of their lethargy to attack Miraz's army and calling forth an angel of the water to destroy the remaining troops. It's hard to dismiss the similarities to "Fellowship of the Ring's" river scene but if Lewis and Tolkien were friends then perhaps it's not so unimaginative. Some would say that Aslan is a poor digital creation, even a little foo-foo in this film, but he is still the enigmatic, approachable embodiment of love and power and not without poignant weight. Let's hope that Jack Black will not sell more tickets at the box office as this summer's overweight karate panda.

All in all, the movie is what one would expect with the exception of a few dark twists, Hollywood's attempt at spicing up a story for this generation's cynical, anti-hero leanings. But that aside, the cherished language of C.S. Lewis lives on as his heroes and heroines persevere through trial and battle against insurmountable odds while memories of Mr. Tumnus and the beavers echo in the viewer's minds. A family achievement, another step at resurrecting the magic of childhood, perhaps ticking off an observing Jack Lewis from his ethereal library above. See it. It's history now.

King of the Nations

2008-04-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

So here's a link for the latest song Keith's been producing for me. I wanted it to have a tribal feel and it sure does. Check the music section then click on the following song. It's not quite finished...I have a few ideas to set the last chorus apart. But it sounds great nonetheless.

http://wastedpixels.com/music/Amy%20-%20King%20of%20the%20Nations%20

Favorite Gabriel Moments

2008-04-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

Bush and the Supreme Court

2008-04-15T13:58:00.000-07:00

My dad had two very interesting dreams concerning the president and the upcoming election. But the gist of them were that during Bush's time as this nation's leader he's done more to preserve human life (banning partial birth abortion; reinstating a sense of protection for human life) than any other president since Abraham Lincoln. The nation was divided then during the civil war like it is now and Bush has sacrificed a lot of his reputation to continue on in the way of maintaining freedom for mankind. I'm not saying he hasn't had his share of mistakes however if you can't get on your face and pray for him, you have no right to judge his actions. At the end of my dad's 2nd dream there was an oval room with the number 7752 on a plaque. He googled that number and found the following:

By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation (7752)

As Americans, we are led by the power of our conscience and the history of our country to defend and promote the dignity and rights of all people. Each person, however frail or defenseless, has a place and a purpose in this world. On National Sanctity of Human Life Day, we celebrate the gift of life and our commitment to building a society of compassion and humanity.

Today, the principles of human dignity enshrined in the Declaration of Independence - that all persons are created equal and possess the unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness - continue to guide us. In November, I signed into law the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003, reaffirming our commitment to protecting innocent life and to a basic standard of humanity - the duty of the strong to defend the weak. My Administration encourages adoption and supports abstinence education, crisis pregnancy programs, parental notification laws, and other measures to help us continue to build a culture of life. By working together, we will provide hope to the weakest among us and achieve a more compassionate and merciful world.

Now, Therefore, I, George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Sunday, January 18, 2004, as National Sanctity of Human Life Day. I call upon all Americans to recognize this day with appropriate ceremonies in our homes and places of worship and to reaffirm our commitment to respecting the life and dignity of every human being.

In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this fifteenth day of January, in the year of our Lord two thousand four, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty- eighth.

George W. Bush

Especially for the upcoming election we need to be praying. Dad felt that the Lord gave him a word about Obama and that night was coming. Our generation has a responsibility to speak out against the criticism and accusation against Bush, that no matter what we're called to pray for those in authority, not tear them down. Satan is the accuser of the brethren. Also, we have a responsibility to finish what many people have started in today's prayer movements...reversing Roe v. Wade and seeing that come to a completion. Thirdly, if Obama really is going to be the next president, or has the edge to do so, we need to be on our faces interceding that God's will is accomplished and that His kingdom come in this situation.

On Saturday, April 26th Bound4LIFE and theCall will be mobilizing Christians to gather at supreme courts in all 50 states along with the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington, DC. Would you answer this urgent call to prayer and join with thousands across the nation on this day when we will be holding a simultaneous Silent Siege of every Supreme Court? Coinciding with Passover, the purpose of this day will be to stand in silent prayer before the doors of our justice system and plead the blood of Jesus.

Do You Hear A Who?

2008-03-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

I went to see "Horton Hears a Who" last night and really enjoyed it. It's really a very creative idea, though we all think at some point in our lives "hey, maybe we're a speck in a much larger world, and they're watching us like fish in a fishbowl." At least I've definitely wondered that...but what set it apart for Seuss I think is the fact that he connects those two worlds and they're able to hear and speak to each other. Todays prophets are saying this is a word to the masses concerning abortion and that "a person is a person no matter how small." I totally agree with that angle. But I think for me, the best part was at the end when the Who's are trying to get enough sound out so the large people in that other world can hear them, they start singing "we're here" as loudly and with as much sound as they can. The sound waves start echoing into space, yet there is this barrier there blocking them from penetrating into the other world. Well, the Spirit started to speak to me about worship and how it changes the atmosphere around you. That's why I like singing on the Drill Field and other places b/c where you start sending waves into the air, that place is gonna change. You may not have immediate results but eventually something is gonna break. Back to the movie, the singing is going out into space but still it's not enough to break that barrier. Finally, one boy grabs a funnel and with all his heart, sings into it. That is the final straw. Something breaks in the atmosphere and all that sound goes tumbling into the other world. It's a picture of warring in the heavenlies. People give up too easily when it comes to prayer and worship in the heavenlies when their requests or partitions aren't answered right away. It takes perseverance until you press through that which hinders our voices from being heard and having effect. Like Daniel when he prayed for twenty-one days until Michael awas able to come to him (who had been hindered by the Prince of Persia). It's not that God doesn't want to move on our behalf but sometimes there are forces working to misdirect our praise and prayers. We have to continue on like those Who's...until something breaks.

Tribute to Lost

2008-03-17T07:57:00.001-07:00

So far this season "The Constant" has been my favorite episode and I think a lot of people would agree. The themes of time travel, star-crossed soul mates, and lab rats are the perfect mix for edge-of-your seat entertainment. Desmond has slowly grown on me. At first I found him to be a little shifty, a little too undecided on where his loyalties lay, and if he could care about anything other than his own agenda. But hey, that seems to sum up about everyone on the island, lost souls given a second chance to receive the healing they need to live a life worthy to be called a life. Healing that takes place physically as well as emotionally, and puts proper perspective on what really matters. And what I think Desmond has learned the most is that he has what it takes to be the hero Penelope has always seen him as. He's overcome the obstacle of her father, at least partially (though I don't doubt this will be a major theme soon between the two), and the inner demons of self-doubt and failure.

For me, this episode was emotionally packed with the power of redemption and if you only watch one episode this season...this one is it. It's a little early to say, but even with the return of Michael, I can't help but feel "The Constant" has won my heart. However, last week's glimpse into the future has definitely disturbed the masses. Jin dead? I think I felt a tear at that one. Let me know your Lost theories and let's get swept away in the waves of mystery and uncertainty.

Only Three

2008-03-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

This is a really cool doorway in the restaurant, Elements. Clint basically built the entire place along with the visionary and designer whose name I've forgotten. In that room is an art gallery and some couches for waiting.
A neat view from the stairwell...we ate on the top floor. Every little detail was so creative and took a lot of thought.
The horses. I think Bill is there in the middle...the one I rode. Funny, like Bill the pony from "Fellowship of the Ring." He was very laid back and liked to follow Pete, the bigger horse.

Lyons of Judah

2008-03-10T17:42:00.001-07:00

So I went to Lyons, Georgia this weekend with Rick and team for a strongholds conference. It was an awesome time, filled with good fellowship, on-point teaching, and alot of counseling. Not that we have anything to offer them that they don't have to offer us, but it's good to be a blessing to each other. They're very strong in creativity and we had the chance to eat in one of the most innovative restaurants that I've ever seen...Elements. Their hospitality and genuine compassion is evident in everything they do. After two days of teaching and counseling Sara and I took a horse back ride across Tom's land, through the river, and over Clint's pine trees. I stayed at his mother's house who is full of life and spunk...called Radovan a mess and Robert Mearns a brain. Like every place you visit and have the opportunity to share Christ, you always leave a part of you there...until the next time you come. We're not so different. Eat Mexican after church, go all out in worship, enjoy five cups o jo when you're moving from session to session, it's nice to see kingsway really shares a similar heart among its bodies. But it's good to be home and maybe I'll post pics soon. Gotta go see my nephew.

Father' Toolbox

2008-02-28T06:51:00.001-08:00

The Father's Toolbox draft 1. Definitely needs some revamping and color but it's a start. For Rick's 8 decade book. I picture some kind of lion on the front of the box and a crazy background which I'll leave to kimbo. I had this crazy dream last night where I was waking people up at my grandma's house cause it was the perfect time to get out of there. A maniac had killed some people and I didn't want to end up on his hit list. But I remember at the end staring at a painting I had done and wondering if I could fit it into my car.

Blink

2008-02-09T10:11:00.001-08:00

So I really don't like reading Christian fiction novels cause usually they're cheesy copies of what's already been written by more imaginative authors. But I gave in and bought a copy of Dekker's revamped novel "Blink of an Eye." The writing is not top notch but the story and action are pretty well developed. It's about this genius guy who starts seeing all possible futures in the events surrounding him and this Muslim princess he's helping. Eventually he can see three hours into the future, pitting him against the NSA's finest minds, and even a little Vegas high rolling. I haven't finished it yet so I won't give away the conclusion but I found this cool little quote in the back of the book he'd written.

Q: How would you describe what it's like to have one of your novels made into a film?

A: They say that writing a novel is like rowing a bathtub across the Atlantic, something I've known to repeat. Making a movie is trying to fly a paper airplane to the moon. Put it in another way, both are like giving birth. I'm a man, how would you know, you ask? I've birthed sixteen novels and I doubt many women could put up with the kind of pain endured with each delivery.

(Well, I don't know about that Dekker, but you've made your point, while admitting you've birthed only sixteen decent babies. I'd like mine to be excellent children, skilled in the ways of the Jedi. ;)

Our Porcelain Gods

2008-01-25T13:47:00.000-08:00

So I haven't posted in a while cause I've been busy with this new campus ministry at Tech, among other things. I just finished a great book called Signs of Emergence by Kester Brewin, a challenging and creative read on the emergent church. He works with an alternative worship group called Vaux, a city group of artists who desire to see and release God amidst the chaotic bustle of diverse city life. There are many points he makes which I feel would challenge the status quo in today's church but one I found interesting so as to post here.

They put this up on a wall one day and invited people to their worship time. The statement read, "God is found in the shit." Now, after the aftermath of the expected backlash to such a statement, the truth of the matter began to surface and people began to realize what exactly they were saying. Brewin writes, "It was used after a lot of very intense and careful debate in the group, who decided that its clearly shocking language actually forced us to accept the difficult and profound truth that God really does never leave us, in a way that more polite forms simply could not." As Collins explained, "We struggle with the propriety of putting God and shit in the same sentence. Yet the incarnation brought them into closer contact than that." Brewin goes on to say, "If God can be found here, then we have grounds for genuine hope, regardless of our background and situation, regardless of what we have done..."

I think for some the shock to our minds is exactly what we need. We're so use to concluding that God behaves this way or always does it like that or I can always guess God's next move, when in fact He is completely other-than. The term holy means set-apart, unique, not white robes, not boxes, not predictable formats, not religious answers. If we are to be holy as He is holy then we need to listen and watch for His uniqueness to surface in the dirt of our cities, in the difficulty of life, in the unpredictable movements of seasons and stop dressing up in our white robes, spouting out verses which mean about as much to us as does the next Clive Custler novel.

God is indeed in the shit and if He wasn't, I wouldn't be where I am today, or with a hope of where I'm going. He's always more ugly than we want, more ready to get down on his knees and spit into our images of who we've made him, not to prove himself right and us wrong, but to show us the unlimited vastness of his love for us. I've found that more and more it's about admitting I know very little about it, and hoping he's got the room he needs to show me a little more.

Courtesy of Sheamus

2008-01-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

Singing in Greece. Wish I had smiled more...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJtyCOhO_eU

A Blip from the Archive

2008-01-01T19:39:00.000-08:00

The storm did not stop until early dawn but at the first hint of morning, the thunder ceased. The canyon glowed under the rosy sunrise, the last trickles of rainwater washing toward their underground havens. As sunlight crept to mouth of the tiny cave, Ethan forced himself up and out into the crisp air. He scanned the sky above, as the cloud covering receded, and along the cliffs surrounding him. As suspected there was enough mud to build a home with, and walking through it would be tedious.

A frantic scratching caught his attention, coming from a higher ledge on the opposite side of the cliff wall. Pulling the float grapple from his belt, he shot it with precision until it latched onto the helpless target. The metal talons retrieved the lifeless body of a gray hare, its unfortunate predicament beneficial to Ethan’s growling stomach. A bird would have claimed it sooner or later.

Ethan remembered hunting with his father near the shoreline of the Elpis Sea. It was the first time he had ever drawn blood with his own hands. He had been tracking a herd of groek all morning, and through most of the night, when coming to a summit that overlooked the ocean, he saw them, Sailors, trimming the fat off a dead whale. The animal’s cold body lay like a gaping wound, pitifully resigned under the misty sunrise.

His father told him to stay hidden atop the ridge but there were ten, armed seamen and soon he was stumbling down the rocky cliff-side despite his father’s firm protests. He drew his bow back, sending an arrow into the surprised group. One of the Sailors fell to the sand as Ethan prepared another arrow, steadying his hands and sight, adrenaline pumping through him.

His father was already in their midst, parrying two blades with a single dagger, moving around to the sea to protect his back. Whale hunts were forbidden. Out there they could get away with it, but trespassing on Epoxan shores, bringing their catch inland was doubly foolish. But as he adjusted his aim, Ethan could not help pitying those who fell one by one under the guardian’s commandeered sword. They never stood a chance. He let his bow drop, watching the frightened men as life left them.

“Finish what you started,” his father called, leaning over a huddled, sobbing man. “He’ll bleed to death.”

What Ethan had not known was that several miles down shore an ambush was waiting for them. Somehow the rest of the crew had known and it did not take long for them to exact their revenge. Even a great warrior had little chance against thirty men with fishing spears.

Farewells

2007-12-10T01:02:00.000-08:00

Today is our last day in Greece before flying off to the places we call home, to resettle into our routines...but not too much I hope. This is the part I hate, though I know we'll see everyone again and probably not too far from now. I don't just like seeing what God has been doing over here, nor just participating in it, but I like becoming part of a family that extends beyond the boundaries and boxes of America. There are so many memorable moments...I've enjoyed traveling with people I consider my closest friends, people I've walked with for many years now. We've all grown up so much and it's cool to see the fruit in their lives. Being in Skopje just six months ago and returning I saw in such a short time things being established and multiplied in the Spirit at such a fast rate that I have a feeling the next time I come I won't even recognize that small army God is raising up. I love those people with all my heart and am honored to be united with them. The church here in Thessaloniki is gonna be one of a kind and I'm grateful that I had the chance to spend time with Tommie and his family. Their work here is unparalleled...their food galactic...their jokes something of revolutionizing...Ok, ok so you all want to come now don't you?

More pictures to come...stayed tuned.

Many Faces

2007-12-03T00:05:00.000-08:00

This has been one awesome trip to say the least. It's such a blessing to see firsthand people's lives transformed. I mean I'm talking about someone who doesn't want to live, who's been through so much pain and difficulty that they've tried many times to take their own life. But after the goodness, truth, and power of God touches them, they're set free. It's been an honor to be able to work alongside Rick in counseling, as well as allowing the spirit of prophecy to manifest in several meetings. The people I've met in Greece, Macedonia, and now Serbia are the real deal; warriors after God's heart, pioneers, selfless workers, gracious friends. I hope more and more that God will knit our hearts together for the sake of His purposes. There's so much work to be done here, but He who began a good work is faithful to complete it. Most importantly, I think I've learned that to do all the Father's will is the only thing that matters on this earth. Many times we get so caught up in our destiny, our identity, our future, when we need to realize that it's about others, it's about seeing them healed and released, it's like David said, about completing the Lord's purposes for this time. I haven't really fully grasped that, but slowly this truth is changing my heart, and I pray that my life can truly be a sacrifice for His will.

Thessaloniki, Greece

2007-11-26T15:06:00.001-08:00

Growing Up

2007-11-14T07:47:00.000-08:00

The chorus was inspired by my dad, and so the other morning I just felt that well up in me, that I wouldn't, couldn't give up, that my sacrifice of praise meant so much more to the Lord than times when I feel I'm hitting the mark and the glory of God is manifesting itself all over the place. I can't tell you how many times the past couple of months I've told the Lord, you know I just want to grow in this aspect or in this talent. And I've told him maybe I need to go somewhere where I can be more fully trained up in this, as in music and songwriting. Well, maybe that is a season he'll release me in, but for now I feel He's doing something unique...that the areas He wants me to grow in are the areas of my heart and that can't be done anywhere. He's more concerned with my ability to love Him and love others than in how well I can sing or write. So there have been so many tests it's felt like lately, and most of the time I've gotten angry about it instead of seeing them for what they are, chances for His glory to be created in my heart. I feel He's doing such a work on my character and it sucks sometimes, but I'm excited for the eternal weight it'll hold.

I have come to worship my God

I will not give up

I have come with the heart of David

I will not give up

I have come to honor my Love

I will not give up

I have come for Your will, not mine

I will give not up

I have come to be more like You

I will not give up

I have come, Lover of my soul

I will not let go

You’re the Way, You’re the Truth,

You’re the Life I belong to

You’re the Way, You’re the Truth,

You’re the door that I run through

(Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Prince of Peace, Everlasting is Your name)

Peter Gabriel's "Growing Up":

folded in your fleshy purse
i am floating once again
while the muted sounds are pumping rhythm
all the walls close in on me
pressure's building wave on wave
till the water breaks - and outside i go, oh

one dot, that's on or off, defines what is and what is not, one dot
two dot, a pair of eyes, a voice, a touch, complete surprise, two dot
growing up, growing up,
looking for a place to live
growing up, growing up,
looking for a place to live
growing up, growing up,
looking for a place to live

my ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown
my ghost likes to travel so deep into your space

three dot, a trinity, a way to map the universe
three dot
four dot, is what will make a square, a bed to build on, it's all there,
four dot

my ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown
my ghost likes to travel so deep into your space

all the slow clouds pass us by
make the Empire State look high
as you take me in your sea-stained sweetness
it spills, it tingles and it stings
all the pleasure that it brings
'til the door has let the outside inside here

well on the floor thre's a long wooden table
on the table there's an open book
on the page there's a detailed drawing
and on the drawing is the name i took

my ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown
my ghost likes to travel so deep into your space

growing up, growing up,
looking for a place to live
growing up, growing up,
looking for a place to live
growing up, growing up,
looking for a place to live
growing up, growing up,
looking for a place to live

my ghost likes to travel
my ghost likes to travel
moving inside of your space
my ghost likes to travel
my ghost likes to travel
moving inside of your space
my ghost likes to travel
moving inside
my ghost likes to travel
moving inside of your space
my ghost likes to travel
moving inside
my ghost likes to travel
moving inside of your space

the breathing stops, i don't know when
in transition once again
such a struggle getting through these changes
and it all seems so absurd
to be flying like a bird
when i do not feel i've really landed here.

A Bitter Cup of Joe

2007-11-09T09:36:00.000-08:00

First business first, my birthday is Sunday and I'll be the ripe old age of 25. No comment...I haven't posted in a while cause time has flown by this month and I look back and wonder where the heck it all went to. I've been too busy, too scattered, and left feeling a little worn out, with some frustration and just a pinch of bitterness. But I spent some time this morning listening to music, my favorite people, and was refreshed by the fact at how much art touches your heart, livens you, even when you have nothing to give back. All you artists out there know how hard it is to finally create something that's been stirring inside of you, to give birth if you will to the small life that's been taking shape within you. It's such a difficult process, such a painful and lonely one, sometimes, but always rewarding. I imagine renowned artists confronting the dark mockery of the ignorant world with swift, sure bullets straight to the heart when in truth it's probably the same for them as it is for us. Somehow you muddle through it, pick yourself up, and keep going. You write a song, make a movie, act a part, paint a picture etc. and the general populace has little knowledge of what it took to get you there...they think to themselves, what a glorious life, to sit on a hill and craft the epic Oddessey. Little do they know you've had to fight Circe, swim against the tide of the Sirens, outsmart the cyclops, transform from a pig to a man. Anyway, that's my spewing for the day...I'm sure I'll apologize tomorrow.

Abiding

2007-10-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

How do we live free from the identity which we may find in what we do or what we’re passionate about? How do we move beyond strife, envy, and ambition in the pursuit of our dreams to a more narrow and satisfying gate? For it’s senseless to live from one man approved mountain to the next, trudging through a valley of self-abasement or delusion until we come to the next peak of our great and arduous journey. I, for one, do not want to depend on their words, their measurements, their chains of manipulation to pull me out of a world which is slowly losing its enchantment, slowly transforming from a golden maid to a haggard witch whose control is to make us believe we need her in order to leave our mark. So how do we find that place of contentment in the Father, where His approval, His promotion, His timing is all that we know and desire? As John writes, “Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming.” First of all, shame seems to be the antithesis of confidence, the root of our shrinking away. Why would we have shame? Simple, because we are not abiding in Him, because we don’t know Him. I believe abiding is key to our maintaining a steady spirit in the Lord through which we receive our approval, and even through which God receives His. It’s not as though He needs it, but I think He longs to have it all the same, as a father might long to have his son ask for a blessing upon his marriage. When we abide in God, we put to death every voice that says we ought to be doing something; we ought to be running hard after our dreams. To be still and know that He is, that He is fully aware of what we need, of what pressures exist in our lives, of what things we long to achieve, and that He is more than able to accomplish those things. If the process seems to stall, seems to last a little longer than forty years in the desert, we must return to our place of abiding, to entrust ourselves in a secret fold of the Father’s robe where time stops, and the presence of I AM can filter through our decaying mindsets of failure and abandonment. That’s all we need to comprehend, that He is I AM, able to raise the dead because death is nothing more than the talon of the witch’s frustrated finger, weaving fervently her last, desperate spell. But the light of His abiding self, which He chooses to rest on and in us, damages that spell, cuts the talon off even if it’s to grow once more. One day, she will be toothless, fingerless, and mute. And out of her dispossessed body will rise a new earth, one which our full authority and life will be revealed from the seeds of our abiding.

From Grasshoppers to Warriors

2007-10-22T06:31:00.000-07:00

I was reading this morning and wondering how the transition happened in Nehemiah when the Jews went from fearful, uncommitted men to builders who carried a sword in one hand and their load in the other. Get the picture, their city is in ruins, burning; they're outcasts returning to a land where they're despised by the provinces that surround them, and Nehemiah calls together a ragtag bunch of ordinary people to rebuild the temple. Talk about insurmountable odds...they get their supplies from the land around them, at one point Nehemiah can't travel any further because the debris is so high that he has to climb over on foot. So they start rebuilding the wall that will enclose the temple and immediately encounter opposition. It starts off as mockery and slander to their work but then it moves into actual death intentions. Those who didn't want the temple rebuilt planned to sneak in and kill the workers. Nehemiah gets revelation about this, prays, and God tells him to set up watchmen along the wall with swords and spears and bows, day and night. This is a picture of the tabernacle of David already; they didn't need a building. Day and night worship, intercession, and warfare. They could've run away but instead they went aggressively for the plans of God. Still, fear creeps in and is a bigger enemy than the actual people who wish to disrupt the plans. Nehemiah "sees" this and tells them: "Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses." This is where you see the transition. They begin to carry their weapons with them as they work. God has made warriors out of them, casting fear out of their lives so that they can keep moving forward. They're to receive revelation about who God is and to act on it. Nehemiah is very good at connecting worship with action. Fear was the thing making them seem small and insignificant but God had a plan that needed accomplishing.

Pumpkin Festivities

2007-10-02T18:29:00.001-07:00

My precious and sometimes precocious nephew, Noah.
Picking the lucky few who'll face a fate worse than death...carving by children's hands.
He's a regular pioneer. We ran into my cousin, Evelyn and my aunt.

Living up to his namesake, Noah cares for animals of all sizes.
Heeeeeeellllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooo down there...

2007-09-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

Downside Up

by Peter Gabriel

I looked up at the tallest building
Felt it falling down
I could feel my balance shifting
Everything was moving around
These streets so fixed and solid
Ah shimmering haze
And everything that I relied on disappeared

Downside up, upside down
Take my weight from the ground
Falling deep in the sky
Slipping in the unknonwn
All the strangers look like family
All the family looks so strange
The only constant I am sure of
Is this accelerating rate of change

Downside up, upside down
Take my weight off the ground
Falling deep in the sky
Slipping in the unknown

I stand here
Watch you spinning
Until I am drawn in
A centripetal force
You pull me in

Emerald Roots

2007-09-26T06:21:00.000-07:00

I've been getting back to my love for the Emerald country of late; I guess it started a few weeks ago, but I've been listening to Iona's new cd...very beautiful, and loving the last bit of summer. I was reading some stuff about some of the Irish madmen, like Saint Patrick, and St. Francis of Assisi, who "prayed and danced with pagan abandon." As Chesterton writes about Assisi, "St. Francis did in a definite sense make the very act of living an art, though it was an unpremeditated art. Many of his acts will seem grotesque and puzzling to a rationalistic taste." He was a mystic of the truest sense, not hiding from the world, not escaping into his ideals, but changing the things around him through the power of individuality and relationship with God. He had a dream in which he was fighting in a great battle so when he awoke from it he ran off to the Crusades to join the cause. But he soon got very sick, and had to return home in which he heard a voice say "you mistook the meaning of the vision." Out of great humility, he realized the call had been to the poor, the lepers of his town whence he thereafter threw himself into the service of.

Some things about the Celtic I identify with:

love/natural inclination for art and music
sense of the supernatural; no boundaries between secular and Christian
appreciation of nature
loyal and passionate
family/clan oriented churches instead of hierarchical establishments
fiery spirit, witty humor

Changes

2007-09-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

So I changed the chorus to the previous song cause it just felt like whenever I was singing it it wanted to go somewhere else and I felt like i hit it today and I feel satisfied. I'm heading out to Kansas City to IHOP next month for a long weekend to sit in on a women's conference and to just partake of the house of prayer. I can't wait...I've wanted to visit there for at least six years now. If you have ITunes you should download the free One Thing podcasts...they're very encouraging, to say the least and really challenge me in my prayer and worship life. But it's cool to hear testimonies of people who've been living that fasted, worship lifestyle for a while now and that there are people hungry out there for the presence of God, 24 hours a day.

new chorus:

Hear, hear our God

in His glory, in His might

He, He has come

in beauty, in radiance

WAR SONG

2007-09-05T06:34:00.001-07:00

I've been playing around with this one for a few weeks now but I think it's done and i can't wait to try it in worship.

You have set me apart, enflamed my heart
burn Your seal on these hands for war
I will worship You in the spirit of David
until I behold the face of the Lord

An army is rising
with holy on her skin
with a cry like thunder
the Lord be ushered in

Holy, Holy, our God
Worthy, worthy His call
He will break forth like a mighty man of war
and all our enemies will fall

I will sing for You to claim Your captives
I will roar in the fear of the Lord
I will take the enemy by surprise
Shake the earth with the glory of God

Finale

2007-08-27T15:44:00.000-07:00

So I finished my book officially today and I'm telling ya it is probably the worse piece of fiction ever written but at least it's done. And I've got ideas rolling for its sequel even if it never sells I want to finish the story, I think. I've learned so much about the art of storytelling, like how hard it is to make it flow for so long a time, and to keep characters stable, and to keep the plot interesting etc. But I love challenging my creativity and I love it when I'm totally engrossed in it for days and I just roll on these ideas one after the next. So whoa, big sigh. I feel good. I don't know if I really thought I'd ever finish it but I did. Now begins the arduous process of editing, re-writing, getting it out there etc. Be praying for me...we shall see. Oh yeah, and I still don't have a title. Uh oh...

John

2007-08-16T09:48:00.000-07:00

I close my eyes to remember your face
You were like honey in candlelight
that fell on my fear, your eyes of faith
they ravished me oh undone
I heard the pace of many oceans
thunder from the heart I leaned on
love that swallows death and pain
in a flood of flame, how can I be afraid
How can I move when you’re in the room
My heart screams I want to be like you

Time slips like a child on his knees
I still weep when you’re not around
You called me beloved
I answered with my blood
This island veil is thrown aside
You changed, though I knew those eyes
You with the stars in your hand
You with the keys to the armies of lies
Your beauty is like a thousand suns
stealing fame from the parade of man

The Kingdom Breaks Out

2007-07-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

Check out this message when you guys get a chance...my dad sent me the link and it's pretty amazing. So I'll post it here for ya. It's the Kingdom Breaks Out one.

http://www.gracecenter.us/index2.php

What I'm Grateful For

2007-07-24T18:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this blog might be a little cheesy but I can't help it. I'm in this time of transition I feel in my spirit and I can't go a day without crying b/c of how good God is. So, David I hear gave thanks and praise to God during times of success and times of difficulty. Why? To keep his spirit stable. And here's a list of things I'm so thankful for. Join me won't ya...it's good medicine for tha soul.

-men of God (and women) obedient and humble in heart
-family (my sister's child on the way)
-great music, new songs
-a job
-my guitar, the sounds it makes
-church family
-french fries
-dreams
-long-standing friendships
-similar hearts
-Song of Solomon
-sci-fi movies
-Battlestar Galactica
-Those amazing authors who inspire me (Orson Scott Card)
-a mid-rare steak
-the beach
-the art in me
-DP
-the fact that we can hear God and know Him
-Amistad (my new fave movie)
-those people who aren't afraid to fail
-adventurous moments
-Spirit-led craziness
-God's faithfulness
-my computer
-rain when you're sick
-great song lyrics
-creativity
-animated movies
-great wine (though for a season I'm fasting)
-the track behind my house
-old movie stars...I like their class and suave
-worship team
-sandals
-beautiful skies

The Call Update

2007-07-11T12:20:00.001-07:00

What can I say except Thursday and Friday were some of the most intense intercessory and worshipping hours of my life. If no one's heard of Damon Thompson...check him out. He's kind of old school at times, but look past that and he's definitely one of God's generals. He leads some at the Ramp. So highlights...Mike Bickle and Misty Edwards ministering together. Lou Engle going off about Baal and how it's the main principality over America...so that we can understand his affect in our life and how to battle his tendrils. Lou is so passionate about reversing Roe v. Wade. It's amazing to me that Hollywood is making "Horton Hears a Who" the Seuss book that prophetically speaks against abortion. But I didn't go into this thing for some spiritual high or chance to mingle with other creative and out-there Christians, though those things seemed to occur. I wanted to be a part of the army God is raising up in these times that will influence government and nations. The day began with a court case, us repenting for various transgressions, both to God and to people groups. Then the latter part of the day was a wedding ceremony between us and the Lord. They actually had three couples get married during this time. One of the girls played her violin up on stage in her wedding dress. But the end of the night was my favorite part. Three hundred shofar blowers were ushered in and blew those trumpets. The crowd went nuts. Then Rhamey Hughes played a song about being a weapon in the hands of the Lord. I was raving it out man. A memorable thing which Mike Bickle spoke was "people always want to do things radical for God out there, but in their hearts they don't want to be so radical." I've never been with so many people who had the faith to pray for revival. It was way cool. Anyway, it in a nutshell.

The Call Approaches

2007-07-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

Three days and counting till the Call. I can't say how excited I am. I'm taking some girls down early to intercede on friday. I've been praying for you guys in Skopje and my heart is always with you. I believe this Saturday is gonna be a major shift in the spiritual realm and not just for the united states. I was thinking about music today and writing songs and how powerful music is to change the atmosphere. Then I heard a word concerning the summer of love (which the call is primarily focusing on) where a bird of death was released and rebellion and death came through the ministry of music. But this is about to change. New songs, new praise is gonna reclaim what the enemy stole over the past 40 years. And as confirmation to me today, when I looked out my window I saw a yellow warbler, a song bird. Anyway, I'll post more updates about this weekend.

Farewell to Stargate

2007-06-25T21:13:00.001-07:00

Birthdays and Weddings

2007-06-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

Laura getting an evil look from her boyfriend's sister, Faith. Yep I said it, James and Laura are official.
Paul looking out from the depths of the amazon.
James and Phil wrestling on my couch...if you look closely you can see an arm or two belonging to the other man.
Kristen caught in the act of stealing cake.
Happy Birthday Ambers! My roomie being apprehended by security. ;)
Me, Khaley, and Kim chilling on the decked out Hawaiian porch.
Mark and Heather's wedding day.
Jared and Leigh...soon to tie the knot.
The guys.

My beautiful brother Aaron.

Tiger, tiger

2007-06-19T07:35:00.000-07:00

Tigers are a very frightening thing. Given the choice I'd rather have a pet lion rather than a tiger. There's something very dark I feel in the nature of a tiger. Anyway, dream last night...I'm at my grandparent's and there are several peops with me hanging out in the front yard. Someone spots a tiger sort of creeping around in some tall grass, so we run for the front door and have to hold it shut while this beastie tries to get in (cause the door won't lock). After a while the tiger gets bored and goes roaming some more. Eventually it goes down the road with a kill in its mouth and we go outside to watch it. It meets up with two more adult tigers at the neighbor's house. Then little babies come out and they're all just sitting by a pond where two men are boating around. I don't think this dream was anything other than a be careful to what you open doors to sort of dream. And the grandparent's house is usually referencing a generational thing.

Psalming It

2007-06-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

Returning from a visit in Nashville, I popped the Life of David cd's into the player and consumed them on the way home (not all but the first few). So my life feels absolutely crazy right now...friends are getting married left and right, people are moving, things are exploding, and trying to figure out where I fit into the scheme of things after being gone for so long is too much to tackle. There is this inner frustration, like I'm either gonna burst into song or blow up my car, and what I hope comes out of me is Jesus. I'm having dreams warning me in one direction, I'm having spiritual guidance in others, I'm just trying to be a somewhat normal person, and all the while praying that in the midst of this confusing time I'm walking in God's will. SO yeah, I pop in the cd's and begin a mouth-watering journey into the life of a man I can identify with. Ever feel alone? Ever feel like you're the only one of your kind? It's nice when you do feel like that if your deepest connection and comfort can really come from God's heart. I love David's heart, and most of all I love the way God loves him. Because I can read it and feel it on such a personal level, those perceptions and feelings become my own. For example, Bickle was saying how David wrote one of the earlier Psalms because God had delivered David out of like a 16 month period of straight rebellion. But David doesn't say, "You delivered me because of Your great mercy," no he says, "You delivered me because You delight in me." That really touched me. So I've been using that lately. Like I'll say, "You're allowing me to go through this because You delight in me." Or, "You've promised me this because You delight in me." I also loved the part about David's core values...how he measured success. His primary indentity was as a lover of God and he knew God loved him. When Nathan said he'd be king, his focus wasn't on the position or glory or honor, it was the fact that God liked him. Bickle goes on to say that David's application process were the prayers and thoughts he had toward God during those hidden years. David was very faithful through the mundane. He cultivated his servant's attitude and when he became king still showed those same qualities. Anyway, there's so much in these sessions and I've only said a few things I'm trying to keep hidden in me for good. I'm sure I'll post more once we get into the battles and compromises.

Weddings, Wine, and Inspiration

2007-06-04T11:55:00.001-07:00

So my weekend was busy with the wedding, traveling, and hanging with friends in Charlotte. It was good to catch up with people, dance, and celebrate two people's long-awaited union. Can't say I'm exactly back in my game, ya know feeling like I've found the American groove again or anything like that. Not sure I really want to. It's been hard. But, I will say I woke up this morning early early and felt like playing the guitar, my beautiful taylor I missed. So I made coffee, sat down and started messing around. A phrase had been on my heart for the past few days so I took that and worked with it until I got this new song. Well, after spending the morning at Morningstar, just listening to worship and getting some prophetic ministry, one of the things they said was that this is a new day, a new season, and that I'd be filled with praise and a new grace. I felt this was, is very true. And when I started writing, it was an enjoyable thing, not a burden or a frustration. Anyway, all that to say I'm posting the lyrics and if you pop over to my myspace you'll see a humiliating pic of me after the wedding when I'd had a little too much to drink and the girls' screwed me over that night. ;) And also, for those I've talked to about my plans for Nashville and such I will say that it's a no go. After meeting with Rick and talking to my father, they both sort of gave me the same wisdom. It would be a step back, a no-fit on the armor, that I ought to stay plugged into DP...which I was sort of feeling anyway. If I'm to be sent out by DP, I guess I oughta remain under them, Rick and the rest. So...here are the lyrics, which I hope to do sometime in worship.

You wake me up with a song
You are singing Your praises into my soul
With a kiss you draw me from my slumber
Your holy touch still it lingers

I'll strum this harp with all my heart
Just to catch You God in my song
I'll out strum the things that don't belong
And open up a window to all You are

Prechorus: (which is just me singing craziness)

Chorus:
You make me sing hallelujah
You make me glad just to know ya
for all wisdom, all honor,
all goodness, and power
come from You

Yeah, it sounds cool with the melody....had fun singing it....sang it all day.

I'll Always have Skopje

2007-05-31T06:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok so more pics. View your little heart out. But I'm not putting captions this time.

A Day in Ohrid

2007-05-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

So for all those who want more pics...here are some from the sacred town of Ohrid, Macedonia...not three hours from Skopje. I wish I had had more time there to explore and take in the culture, but as it was we were on a sort of schedule.

Koska and Mimi...spelling? Sorry my friend. Blessings to you two.

The water is so clear and green...reminds me of the Caribbean.

Scott and Misty who plan on returning in two years to help initiate a prayer community.

The cutest kids ever with Graham, photographer extroidinare.

I love boats...don't know why. Just love the water I guess and being out in it.

The coolest and oldest monastery I've ever seen. I wish I could remember its history but alas, when my attention is wandering I don't listen very well. There was so much beauty to distract.

In Memory of VT Losses

2007-05-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

So I hadn't really connected with all that happened on April 16th at Virginia Tech while I was away. But I'm sitting in my room today, going through stuff, and I found this magazine that came in the mail. Just reading through some stuff, like Bush's speech and student comments, I decided to post a few things that struck me. For all its ills, it is an amazing school, with very caring faculty.

Nikki Giovanni (teacher and poet) wrote:

We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachain infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands, being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.

We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.

On Dr. Liviu Librescu:

The revelation that Dr. Liviu blocked the door of his classroom in Norris Hall on the morning of April 16 so that his students could escape through the windows came as no surprise to his family, friends, and colleagues. As a child in Romania during World War II, Liviu was confined to a Jewish ghetto, while his father was sent to a forced labor camp. After surviving the Holocaust, Liviu moved forward with stalwart determination to become an engineer...

In my eyes, a modern day hero. I don't like over-spiritualizing things, but I can only say that within one year there have been two massacres and my conclusion is that is the enemy's counter strategy for what God's doing in the area. Of course God's plans will prevail, and even be excellerated by these tragedies, but, this is definately still a very touchy subject.

Friday Night Mic

2007-05-23T05:05:00.000-07:00

Alek singing his Bob Dylan. Scary...sounded just like him.

Chopi...the greatest guitarist to ever live or at least to accompany me.

St. Alpin singing his songs with a little Cash feel to them.

I'll just write Tony for fear of botching his nickname. :) The poet, the comedian.

Me! It was a good night all in all. You never really know what kind of effect you're having on those around you. I sang a couple a new ones and ashes and hold me.

And here it is, the tree from my dreams. It's on my leg, right thigh. I know it's big. Alpin did an amazing job.

No News is New News

2007-05-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

So this Friday I'm singing in the center of Skopje...be praying for me that I do it in confidence and that hearts are touched. It's been a good week seeing friends from home, catching up, and hanging out in my new home. We've really been meeting a lot of peops these past few days and just inviting them to our little party. Actually, I think it's gonna be quite big now. It's funny how God worked it out...someone knew the owner of this club, it's bam smack in the middle of the city, and I had tremendous favor with the managers. Working on a few newer songs to play with the infamous hold me and ashes. I'm getting my new tat on Thursday, and I'll post a pic. Love and blessings to all my virgins...that's slang for virginians. :)

Still Here, Skopje

2007-04-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of pics. I have gotten some great ones but I lack the ability to get them off my computer and onto these internet cafe ones. So, what's been going down...if I had to sort of sum it up it would go something like the story when joshua and caleb come back and report there are giants in the land of promise. The people feel like grasshoppers in their own eyes. I feel like there's been a lot of opposition but on the flipside I know God's created me to be a warrior and to press through these things. At least in the past couple of years He's taught me that about myself. Besides, a little conflict is good for the soul...keeps ya sharp...and dependent on God. But I'm finding this place rich in creativity and the people are already feeling like family to me...and also as fellow soldiers of the same cause, if you will. Tonight is a cookout, and I laugh whenever I say that cause everyone says barbecue. So when you say cookout they're like what? God has really been revealing His faithfulness to me, and things that haven't made sense in the past year are beginning to make sense. Why we do certain things, why certain plans die etc. But most importantly, why we should trust him radically, even when it seems impossible. Well...gotta run...blessings.

Skopje

2007-04-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah I'm here and just got word about Virginia Tech. Crazy how your little town can go national because of one crazy guy's choices. I'm praying for you guys. But in other words, Macedonia has been great so far. I'm enjoying my time and it's another world here. We prayed this morning and man, could've been the coffee, but I really sensed the presence of God in that room strong. I had this brief dream last night where I was back home, talking to Tammy about how I wasn't happy to be back. And some other things happened but whatever, the truth is, I will be sad to go and I still have a while yet. It's like I know God is calling me to some new step and i'm not sure what it is yet but the thought of having to wait another year etc. is depressing to me. On one side I'm filled with expectation and excitement and on the other, this sense of dread that it will take too long, that I won't make it. So I receieve the word I've gotten about a new chapter and I'll hold on to it. MIss you all in VA...much love...

The Scoop

2007-04-08T15:02:00.000-07:00

So I know I haven't written much about my trip thus far; I've only posted these pictures. But I wasn't sure what to say at first. On the surface, it's been fun. Good laughs with friends, good wine, great food by cook extroidinare Radovan, and new territory to explore. I love the fact that Jelena and I can laugh at nothing for the longest time. And that she gave up her room for me for almost a month. I love how I can tell it to Mihaela like she's my sister. And it's been good spending time with my roommate Maranda. I love listening to worship music on park benches while the bustling city goes by. And I knew, before I left, this time would be a time for rest. But it's hard to switch gears in my mind. I'm having to retrain my thinking, that I must come to God through faith and faith alone. Not works. I'm having to rebuild that relationship with Him. While some things have been a stretch like little space, living out of a suitcase, language barrier, on the flipside God's given me such a precious time of resting in Him. My identity is not in what I can do for others, nor in how they affirm me. I've struggled so much in the past year in how others perceive me because a lot of times it takes some getting to know me or really establishing a relationship before I'll let you in the parts I like to think are really me. Part of that I know is because I'm not comfortable in who I am fully. Another side is because I watch so many people putting on shows for others. They want to be this or that and so they play a certain role. But it sounds so phony, the stuff coming out of their mouths and I don't think they even realize it. I know faith and love require action, but I think if it's truth then power will follow. If you don't have power, you have religion, as Robert Mearns said once. So instead of acting out of insecurity or self-will, why not wait on the Lord, His timing, His way? I had this dream recently where I first trying to fly. I would last a few minutes in the air and then have to push off the ground again. In the same dream I then began driving a jet. It was wobbly and I couldn't keep it on a straight path. I feel sort of in that adolescent phase, as a friend of mine put it. I'm a woman, yes, but in a spiritual sense, I'm still maturing, in that between phase of child and adult. But I don't want to become bogged down by details. I want to press on, and to try creative things for our Lord. I want to love Him with all of my heart and to take risks. This time away has brought a freshness to my spirit. I feel faith where there's been doubt and fear. I had such a divine appointment last weekend that I could barely keep my feet on the ground. So, to all my readers out there, it's time for new perspective. Dream bigger than you ever have. Make your requests known to God. He is wanting to turn this world down-side up, as Peter Gabriel sings. Love you all!

Belgrade, take 3

2007-04-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

The poet's street.

I love when old men play chess in parks.

Cool murals.

These Indians were from Texas I think. They had electronic music playing behind their natural flutes etc. And the guy's voice was really neat.

Just a Day

2007-04-07T02:03:00.000-07:00

Just a random church on my outting today. Andjelka gets to visit Dracula's home next month...no fair. I'd love to see that blood-hungry warrior's house.

We both look a little inebriated. But I promise we were in church.

While not watching "Ultraviolet" I drew my version of a comic Matrix character. Needs more guns.

Sketches

2007-04-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

Look familiar? Yep, you guessed it. Shea being punched by his roommate Adams.

I did another black banner here in Belgrade. The design is above with a few changes. It turned out well I think.

Our Outing, Take 2

2007-03-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

For My Sister

2007-03-23T06:04:00.000-07:00

Guinevere’s Promise

You have born the wind of heavy seas
and you have danced a song of sorrow
For each day is the same, an empty cup
another wineskin of ash and regret

There is a voice upon the water
who mourns for Israel in her fetters
till she can run in strength again
a King’s mare among His peasants

And His decree rings a heavy gong
who is this, growing like the dawn?
That little seal burned on your heart
will soon be as an army with banners

2007-03-22T02:51:00.000-07:00

A theater at night; Maranda and I would like to go sometime.

Jelena's famous peas. Very tasty. While here I have developed a taste for pork, lamb, and liver; all things which few Americans make well.

Snake handling in the church. These children have developed their faith at a young age. ;)

Belgrade, Take One

2007-03-19T08:50:00.000-07:00

A Japanese turtle...Jelena and I tried to set him free from the spirit of Zen.

An oasis in the middle of the city.

Maranda and her pancakes. This one is for you Rick.

Jelena and I enjoying wine and cheese.

So Long, Farewell

2007-03-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

I'm heading out for Belgrade this coming Wednesday. It's only for two months but I feel like I am leaving for forever and it's a little sad. But I'm excited about seeing friends and having no job and writing and exploring. I'll try to post lots of pics and keep you all informed. This weekend I'm journeying down to Nashville to say bye to the folks and to see their new house. That's very exciting as well. Remember "The Call" July 7th. You're all invited to come stay with us.

In other news today I let Noah's balloon go outside and at first I thought he was laughing. Then it turned into a sort of whimper. So he got his other balloon from inside and walked out onto the porch to contemplate letting that one go too. But he soon decided against it and ran back inside. It's funny how they think everything really is about their world, making them happy. Do we ever really grow out of it?

Hippy Days

2007-02-24T14:50:00.000-08:00

So I've been thinking about this tree, dont' ask me, and wanted to write a story song about it after listening to some folk stuff lately.

D C G D
There is a tree growing wide and tall
and your leaves are green like emeralds
I saw you first when you were just a seed
barely strong enough to stand the cold

You sit as if you’re a king among the trees
with a story to tell, with roots spread deep
that have drank their fill of tears
and made a man young with laugher

When those crows come resting on you
when the moon has hidden her face
You feel alone while winter’s on her way
and everyone’s gone till next year

You’re skin is like the brightest copper
You’d sell your blood for just one touch
I promise to come and see you soon
Oh faithful friend, when spring is again

There is a season for everything

Wedding of the Lamb

2007-02-02T09:36:00.000-08:00

A new song I'm working on....love it, love it. That's all i gots to say.

C Cmaj7 Em7 Em
Like the sun, like a lily, You are fair
C Cmaj7 Em7 Em
and grace pours from You like water
Am F C G
You stand above the sons of men
Am F Em
You, who is like no other, whose love
Em7 G
never ends and redeems the wasteland

C Cmaj7 Em7 Em
The King, he has a daughter
C Camj7 Em7 Em
She is endless beautiful within,
Am F C G
a rose in a wilderness of sand
Am F Em
She’ll be led to the King pure in heart
Em7 G
with a name said throughout the nations

C G Am F
We will dance together
C G Am F
On that day we’ll be one
C G Am F
When Your heart beats with gladness
G
And the Spirit and the Bride say come

Draw Me

2007-01-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

Draw me and let us run together. That should be the cry of every believer, to know God in a deep and contemplative way, and to reveal Him in service to others. More often than not we are imbalanced. We have one side without the other. When in truth you cannot properly serve without knowing Him, and You cannot fully know Him without serving others. I have found myself in the past year in a season of extreme exertion and sacrifice. It is not a boast for I have neglected the better half, in my opinion, the solace of being drawn by God and finding rest in prayer and meditation. Now, I have asked for those things to be a reality once more. I love such contemporaries as Henri Nouwen who has followed in the footsteps of fathers like Thomas Merton and Dietrich Bonhoeffer. They all emphasize the need for reflection and spiritual discipline in the case of solitude, prayer etc. So I am knocking on the door once more of my Father, and I believe He has shown me the correct door in finding Him. I know what it means to perform in excellence, to go beyond the natural limitations of a human until there is nothing left to give. I watch my manager at work do the same, to say all the right words, to have all the right strategies, to interact in all the right ways with people. And yet, I know the result is not deep satisfaction but an endless drive to achieve the unachievable, that just-out-reach place where you will be completely fulfilled with a sense of success and self-importance. But the chase leaves you vulnerable to rejection, completely exhausted, and with the ever present notion that you are a failure. I have experienced that this past year in my “righteous service.” And in some sense, I did not realize what was happening. It is easier to feed on the adrenaline of sacrificial behavior than it is to feast on the word and presence of God. In my woundedness, I am coming home, having been drawn by the Father to care for the garden of my heart first. But not to end there, to learn to run together, to be drawn into the secret place and then out into the city. It is not easy when you are use to the routine of business. It is necessary to retrain your senses to listen, and to quiet your mind, to let the word of God saturate your thoughts and memories. But once you taste of His goodness, it will not be easy to forget. Instead of man’s approval, His is the only opinion which will matter. Did I understand that correctly God? Did I see that rightly or is it my tainted point of view? And the relationship which had so diminished before will grow stronger and stronger.

Battlestar

2007-01-10T11:32:00.000-08:00

This is my quick plug about my new favorite show, Battlestar Galactica. Ok, so no laughing please. This is a serious matter. I have never been so enthralled by a cast of characters and the trials they face like I have with BSG. I know I have a weakness for sci-fi but this is such a well written drama that I think anyone could find themselves indentifying with the many battles, whether external or internal, that the crew faces. There is never a dull moment. Ever since their planet became a radiation zone from nuclear invasion of the Cylons, the colonial fleet has been on the move in search of Earth. At the command of William Adama, and Laura Roslin, they must persevere in their faith inspired quest for a planet they only believe to exist, all the while running from the cyborg enemies that now look human. There is so much insight into what it means to lay your life down for the greater good of humanity, and what it means to be on the front lines without hope of relief. Most of the leaders were forced into their positions by necessity, each having their own character flaws and having to learn to trust each other and work together as one unit to survive. Adama's right hand man is an alcoholic. The best fighter pilot has a thing against authority and walks a very fine line. The president is a woman who overcomes cancer. Sharon is a Cylon that loves humankind much more than her own kind and must win their trust over and over again. Their expert scientist is the very man who opened their home planet up for attack by the Cylons. And the deeply complex and believable conflicts continue as Adama says, "sometimes you have to roll a hard six."

For My Mother

2006-12-28T18:27:00.000-08:00

No it's not Gandalf. She wanted a sort of watchman type character. Here he is, minus a few later add-ons.

First Snows and Scottish Clans

2006-12-19T20:12:00.000-08:00

It all began the night before when Ryan lost the key to the car and I had to drive up that night with a spare. Eight of us crammed into a two bed room and let me just say the night was everything but peaceful. I was out that morning by 8:30 am.
Jesse, Gail, and I taking a breather. We converted Gail from the declining age of skiing to the ever-growing and unique art of snowboarding. She's a surfer and so caught on very quick. It was great to meet you.
My day was rather relaxing because the snow was slowly melting; so I took it easy, enjoyed some quiet time by the lake with a cool beer whilst the others ventured off on their own exploits. It's interesting drinking one beer at such high elevations...does funny things.
That's me on my fairly new burton board. It's so smoothe...I'm in love.
The center of the village. The clock reminds me of the one from Back to the Future. And yes, that's Starbucks, the other rendevouz point where I was able to get in some much needed reading time. Bonhoeffer's "The Cost..." wow, never made it all the way through the first time. But let's see a favorite quote: "There is a distinction here between suffering and rejection. Had He only suffered, Jesus might still have been applauded as the Messiah. All the sympathy and admiration of the world might have been focused on His passion./But in the passion Jesus is a rejected Messiah. His rejection robs the passion of its halo of glory. It must be a passion without honor."
The group, though I never saw them until the end of the day. Once lost on that mountain it's hard to find anyone. All in all a great day with some much needed rest.

A Portrait of War

2006-12-13T15:05:00.000-08:00

So in the midst of feeling sort of run-down I wrote this and got the coolest insight into a verse in Isaiah:

I will give you the treasures of darkness -Isaiah 45:3

If in my memory is a secret portrait of when war began,
of the tide of hate separating heaven from earth with its cruel hand
and red shadow that follows where life has yet to relent,
of ash covered vehicles, steel horses with glass fangs, upon which
sit the six faces of death that sing until what is blooming, what is green
can no longer withstand the icy foul of their hunger,
of bony, dog-faced men, old in matter, young in mind
too bound in fear to fight or die, aside their visions of majesty
which keep them satisfied in sewers of their own choosing,
of life not yet lived, snuffed out like a match between fingers,
life waiting to live but the time is stolen before it is realized that
all one needs is the courage to move, not another clue or answer,
if in my memory is a secret portrait of when war began,
it is lost in the rubble of what is, and this is what is, what I can give.
But there is One in the midst of fallen prophets that have brought down
with them temple walls surrounding their special gods, their special promises,
One who declares I will raise up her ruins again and who can
give water to a thirsty land, causing wise men to draw back.
There is One who sees the sinews which were made from dust
to form the hand which chooses light or dark in this war gone mad,
who says to the sea be dried up and her depths obey. And in this
hideous remaining where time ceases like a dead man’s last breath,
there is One who reveals the hidden wealth in darkness, in hell, who
calls forth light upon those who walk in shadows, who dwell in the night.

Captain of the Host

2006-12-06T14:28:00.000-08:00

I got a new tat. It's smaller than the other, on my forearm, and only took about ten mintues. It says Lord of Hosts in Hebrew, Jehovah Saboath. Now it seems lately that's who the Lord is to me or how He's choosing to reveal Himself. It's not as pretty or as enjoyable as some of His other personas...but this quote from Francis Frangipane sums it up for me (and note, I had not read this until the day after I got the tat done):

"There is something about the time just prior to a move of God that cause many people to wonder if the Lord is for them or against them. He seems confrontational, too intense, too 'different' from the One we learned to trust..."

"Before the Lord's sword will come through your mouth, it must pass through your heart. God must confront the stronghold of fear within us before we can be effective against the enemy in the heavenly places."

"Before Jesus returns, those who have passed through the wilderness tests will receive another revelation: Christ will be revealed to them as "captain of the host." They will be ready to follow the Lamb wherever He goes."

The Song of Songs

2006-12-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

Well tonight was a really great night with the Song of Songs. I was sort of feeling down today, just sort of battered although the rest from this weekend has been great. But I felt like God said "take your own advice and let me refresh you." So I spent just an hour or so in prayer and listening to Him. He told me a few things which just melted my heart for Him. Like I've been praying about how much of my affection is really toward Him. I know I've set it upon other pleasures but I couldn't really get victory. Then He just spoke to me about how even my flirtations with other things hurt Him, make Him jealous. And just that little tidbit I feel strengthened my heart. Anyway, Katie seemed to be in the chapter I taught on and to see her catch the revelation of God's heart toward her was truly beautiful. Some of my favorite lines are the ones about the foundation of His house being as sturdy and endurable as cedar etc. His foundation will never decay and is safe to build on. I also love the line about being Jesus' inheritance. When we grasp that we really can stand firm on the fact that there is no one else for the job. You're it. When you feel less than or like a failure remember you are the bride for Jesus. The Father has chosen you for His Son. There's so much victory in knowing that. Anyway, it was a good time of basking in His love, even though I felt sort of inadequate to teach it. But He's been filling in the gaps and all the more better. I love You Jesus!

Sorry for the Cliche BUT Exciting Times

2006-12-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

I started by talking about God's strategies and then somehow we moved into a sweet time of fellowship in the Spirit. Everyone brought something to the table. James and I had intended to teach on being in God's will etc. I knew at the beginning God wanted to do things a little different. It's been a cool process just learning how to obey the Spirit for a corporate purpose. I still have a little disatisfaction. I want more of God, I want to see Him manifested fully in signs, wonders, prophecy, healings etc. I want to know that what I am doing has some relevance to His kingdom. My hope is that one day, when the time is right, He'll allow me to go where the gospel is buried and forgotten and help in a church plant. I think these FNTs are for me training in that. Part of me can't wait to run into the midst of battle and see Him do a mighty work. But I know I'd get myself killed if it's not time. So I'm remaining faithful in these FNTs and thanking Him for them. There are still a few people who I'd like to have my back who aren't fully released or walking in their calling. For me, the future is an exciting unknown adventure. I can't wait (although I am) for the moment when I'm sent out for His kingdom.

2006-11-21T06:19:00.000-08:00

The stones bleed their desire
Infants lift up Your praise
But I want to be the one who cries louder
I want to be, be a fool for You

The poor worship with hunger
The saints sing with the angels
But I want to be the one who cries louder
I want to be, be a fool for You

Chorus:
Holy, reckless abandon
The only gift worthy a King
And I will not offer You something
that doesn't cost me everything

Bridge:
And You come drawn by our praise
And You take pleasure in us
You're beautiful, beautiful

Thoughts from Friday

2006-11-19T06:28:00.000-08:00

So God did a powerful thing Friday night. As we moved from the outer courts to the inner, as the drum beats carried us into a war stance, I felt us equipped and properly stationed for the battle. Passivity, compromise, and unbelief cannot be present when you war on behalf of the King. And I knew we could ask Him for anything and He would not only grant it to us, but He would do a "suddenly" work. That night I asked Him for revival for this valley and I've never had the boldness to do so before and believe for it. Now I do. You do not have because you do not ask. I want to be like Joshua, living without compromise, taking victory at every stronghold of the enemy's until God's kingdom is established fully. I've lost some battles but He's forgiven and cleansed me. I have to keep moving forward. I want to see the supernatural realm a reality and most of all I want to see Jesus. There's this little quote in the movie "Cars" where Mator is driving around backwards and I think it was a word for me. "You don't have to know where you're going, you just have to know where you've been." It's so true b/c if we know where we've been then we'll know what we can't go back to. God closes off areas of victory in our lives so we don't return to our old ways. We're forced to move forward. I don't really know where I'm going, although it's ok to have vision and very important. But overall, I don't really know how God is going to accomplish all of it and when. I just know I'm changed when I see the places I've left behind.

"Tumbling Ground"

2006-11-15T06:45:00.000-08:00

I had the strangest dream last night concerning a video game-like scene where I was fighting this big guy with a sword. Eventually I just started wailing on him and soon he was on the ground where I continued to take him out. I saw his power depleat on a little meter and that was that. I took his sword and then transformed into this little guy. Who knows, it might be cause I was playing Kings Quest last night, though you don't really have action like that.

I had a really great birthday. The people at work blessed me with their kindness. Right now I'm listening to that Black Peppercorn's cd. I love Kevin Prasch's words. He has that little edge of wisdom mixed with very poetic style. That's probably my fave combination. I hope he comes out with a new one soon. "Is it true that those who love they seem to be so sad sometimes?" Ah, it's just the perfect mood for the mornings. Not too lively, just contemplative. I'm drinking my coffee and "thinking of you babe and in a little while we'll soon be together." Such a neat, jazzy feel to it.

I'm working on a new song but it's strange. I mean it's not strange, it's strange that my lyrics have sort of taken a let's know Jesus in His suffering tone. But I did write a worshippy song after the conference and hope to play it soon.

Open the Vents

2006-11-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

It's been one of those weeks. Not overwhelmingly so, but just annoyingly so. Saturday is my birthday and for the first time that I can remember I'm sort of not looking forward to it. My parents aren't here, my roomies are in CA, and other friends are off on their own little adventures. I got into an agrument with Aaron the other day about how he made some comment about not having money to go out for my birthday. And I know I took it the wrong way but it pissed me off cause he could've just said something like I'll go and just not eat. It's just me dealing with rejection and oh yeah hate. I told God this week that I really didn't care if I held onto my hate cause I was tired of loving people here anyway. And after I had my little pity party He sort of reminded me of this dream where there was a spirit of hate in my room and He had to kick it out. It's really just little things. Work, stuff at home, it adds up. I feel there are some things I ought to finish. But I also feel like there's gonna be a change in the near future. Maybe that just means me getting off to Serbia and Macedonia for a bit. I'm sort of gritting my teeth and trying to have the best attitude. I don't have a whole lot of grace for those younger than me, like the peops in the intership that I should have grace for. They just really tick me off most of the time b/c of the way they feed off each other instead of going to God. And that shouldn't bother me; no one said they're mature Christians yet. I could go on and on and really hurt some people I think. So I'll leave it at that. I'm tired of hearing the same old answers to people's problems. Have the stuff people say I don't think they even believe it themselves. It's like would you want to hear a cliched reply to your life's dilemma? And I'm not even talking about me. I just listen sometimes to their opinions that go on and on and I wonder if they even stopped to consult God on the matter or if they're just hoping to strike oil at some point during their monologue. Oh yeah, that brings me to another point, why do I want to marry "a nice guy?" LOL. That's like saying, well he may not really love God and he may be full of selfish ambition, but he's a nice guy so that's all that matters. Don't people get it yet? I just want to be with someone whose heart is completely in love with the Lord. I don't care if they only love me a little bit. Someone who thinks I'm their sun and moon would drive me crazy anyway!!! But I can run with someone who's running after God. And that's all I want to do. Run with God. Hell, marriage is overrated anyway. People build their fantasies up in their mind, like it's the answer to every bit of lonliness or isolation or failure you've ever felt. That problem's only gonna be bigger once you're married and you've haven't got it yet that only Jesus can help. I'm not cynical on the matter. I still believe there's one person you're created to be with. I don't care what others say about the issue. So don't ask me to treat it either as some common thing. Did Jesus date around till He found the one He wanted to die for? No, He knew me before time and knit me in my mother's womb. His timing is so perfect. Anyway, enough on that. I think I'm done for now. I feel better. Thanks.

Another Fairytale for My Collection

2006-11-05T17:55:00.000-08:00

When I was young, I longed for war.
When I grew old, I walked along the
shore of a blood river and longed for
peace. Neither came when I called
but waited just out of reach. For who
can command such times as these?

ª

Warm crimson steals down the silver lip, stripping its purity, its clean
edge. A light winces under a clogged drain and bounces off the metal
blade with a fornicating touch. Not the kind of glow which dispels the
spell of a night such as this. It is a light which prefers the vile alley wall,
to hang like a man guilty at the gallows with foul interest. Another
swing as swift and moving as a morning’s rise. Red covers the brick and
kisses down to the cracked pavement where countless, unspoken acts
have begun a darker path for the ones who once walked unashamed in
the sun. Tonight, there is yet another and she stands cross-kneed in
shadow. Her head barely touches a windowsill, just as her little hand
cannot touch or hold hope. She does not understand that the man with
the sword is not a man. His fingers burn around the grip with anger, with
love, with an ancient honor that is given to those who overcome. She
supposes he is her new father and she will not have to die alone. But
there is a pale and slender form, its body bent bare in attack, its mouth
full of seductive song. It sings about smooth skin, innocent eyes, heroine
wealth, and love of self. The man brings the blade down through the
stream of defilement where it spears an ashen arm. The shape screams
like a halting train along its prison rails. Who said demons don’t bleed?
You just need a weapon of wisdom. This is just the beginning. Yet it is
a moment among many moments that store their pain in the records
of heaven and humankind. The silver edge burrows into the demon neck
and cuts the root from the vine. The girl will survive but it will be much
longer before she tastes life. I’m sorry. I’m just an angel. She steps
bravely toward his light, though it is heavy like a mountain fog. I’ve
been told you’re a great warrior. Now I see. Such a small child
commanded me. She wishes she could keep him close, her body and
mind are weak. He will come when she calls for her spirit is strong.

Aloha Writers

2006-11-02T11:28:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here at Morningstar, using their free internet access whilst a guy talks about consumers in media. He's a sort of funny character. He looks like a mouse, with little hands always out front, shaking as if he's waiting for cheese to drop out of the sky. But he's smart and here are some tidbits I want to remember.

"The medium is the message." It's not about what the medium is saying, if it's "gansta rap" it's going to communicate materialism, drug use etc. Try and bring the gospel into such a medium might taint what is being said. Lots of arguments on this but it's interesting.

You can't be a passive observer in the media. As Christians we are responsible to have a voice of dicernment and truth. It's not an opportunity but our very call. Do we just want to add to the ocean of opinion and creativity or do we want to bear fruit that remains?

Now Joyner is talking. He's dressed like a Hawaiian captain. I've never noticed before but his head shakes a little, back and forth, while he talks. He did say something this morning which is good to keep in mind. Many books should lose up to 1/3 of their book. In today's world because there are so many other forms of media you have to tighten things up. "It's amazing how few words THE WORD used." We have to use a sharpened two-edge sword.

LOL...he just said how he and Don Potter use to ride their motorcycles together a few times a week and their deep fellowship consisted of pulling up to a stop light and grunting.

One Night with the King

2006-10-16T06:44:00.000-07:00

Peter O'Toole begins this story as the prophet Samuel, proclaming that the Amalikite king and queen must be killed because they are haters of the Jews. The king that is beseached by Samuel disobeys and the Amalikite queen escapes with a baby in her womb. That baby grows into the man Haman who eventually seeks his revenge in Persia. John Rys-Davies is Mordecai, Hadassah or Esther's uncle. The beginning of the movie starts out a little cheasy w/ some bad acting as the movie sets the scene for Esther's time. But eventually it smoothes out into a pretty decent, epic experience. The palace of Persia is definately CG-ed but with some good results, made me even think hey they'd been using WETA workshop. Even Denethor from LOTR's (along with Gimli) makes a good performance as the King's second-hand man before Haman. Jesse and I loved every single dress Esther wears after she becomes queen. Her free-spirited and bold personality made me like the heroine even more. She wins the king's heart with beauty and intelligence set apart from the rest. I love the fact that a Jewish woman became queen over a nation. That is practically unheard of. She conceals her origin from the king until the end where she must plead for her people's lives. Haman is about to order the annihilation of the Jews in Persia, when Mordecai tells Esther she has to go to the king. He says, who knows, you might've been placed here for such a time as this (the famous and often quoted verse). To go before the king without being summoned is practically a death sentence. So she says, if I perish, I perish and then off she goes. The king is moved with compassion toward Esther and lowers his sceptor, a sign of favor. She asks him to meet her privately and then she makes her plea. I also love the fact that Haman's demise came from a Jew. That is God's justice. Haman is hung on the gallows intended for Mordecai. Anyway, go see it. It's an uplifting tale about the goodness of God and some of the scenes are beautifully shot. The costume design is pretty amazing. The king even has a tattoo.

Fairytales 4

2006-10-13T06:45:00.000-07:00

Well in the process of waiting for some song lyrics I've written a new edition to my fairytales. I actually was inspired by something I read that James wrote on Chris' blog about the woman at the well and so infused that story with sort of a Hosea feel and here's the final product.

Water and wine, blood and sorrow
that which wets my lips
never quenches the thirst or the hunger.

IV

A tattered, porcelain remnant scrapes the dust, a hand of ancient wisdom in the ways of man, from her birth a beauty of the night and a seer of carnal desire. Her fingers quicken the search in the muddied waste-trough, skillfully attending to the gnawed bones and spit soaked napkins that have dabbed more than the corner of a mouth. She allows a frenzied laugh, empty as a toymaker’s speaking doll, when she wraps her grip and wish around the ringing coins. If she could sing, if she remembered how, to set free her words into the black, smothered night with praises of victory, she might. But a pallid fist of her day’s pay, a familiar memory of what it is like to be comfortably desolate in a broken bed while the wind screams cigarette smoke through cracked glass, are the companions she asks for. Not the stars and promises of higher things. Wealth and lust invited her in, now the yellow mustached face repays with a kind toss of her wage, an endearing name to surpass all other names, to remind her who she is, a weathered rag to soak in the broken life that flows through every gutter and street. She pukes to cleanse herself of the filth she has carried, a reflex, not penitence and stares from her watery eyes. A dirt road runs between house and business, quietly escaping town like an old dog waiting to die. She does not want wine or course company, just silence while it can be had, even if it is not found within. Her cheeks are sea-pale and wild, touched by the darkness that plays in the ally-ways. She moves through the laughter laid streets that streams from every swinging door and balcony. It is far from being kind, but an ominous delight that nips her mind and bare feet. At the edge of town, where the road bends and dissolves into the hills, stands a well of simple means. She rests her head on its stony mouth before sending for water to pour over her worthless skin. A shadow, a tall but humble form, stops her hand without touch or imposing approach. The man bends beside her, his eyes searching the well’s black depths and takes the bucket to lower down. As the rope slides across his palm, he says, the water I have satisfies your deepest thirst. She chews on his words and spits them out, another line in the history of lies. He goes on, what is it you want? Riches or peace? for both are mine to give. She laughs, her cold voice aimed at his kindness, and what do I have to do? His eyes meet hers, a timeless age, a childlike life, encircles within like a calming rain. Share my name. Marry me. Her heart stutters a steady beat of fear. Sir, do you know who I am? He nods. Do you know who I am? If you did, you would ask me to cover your shame.

Updates from the Burgs

2006-10-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

We finished filming the first episode of the mini-series. I snuck a peak during church and the shots look great. The premiere is this Friday night. I think this year we've made leaps and bounds and alot of times the enemy gets in there and throws accusation or discouragement our way that so blocks our view from what is really being accomplished. God takes the small steps and uses them to cross oceans and climb mountains. He is the One who leaps over them both, and the safest place, I am reminded, is out there with Him, even though sometimes it can be painful.

We sang a song of mine a couple of Sundays ago...Open Eyes. Really felt on target and just excited me to continue on. I am 90% sure that I will be going to Morningstar's conference on writing and the arts this November. I have some time in there where I'm free so I think it's probably the Lord's will.

So worship is going to undergo a small change since Ducky is taking some leave for a couple of months. Keep us in prayer that that will all be worked out.

Morning Fiddlings

2006-09-19T04:30:00.000-07:00

X

Winter, the end to everything,
a wasteland for my dreams,
a beginning to my sorrow and
the quiet sleep of life underneath.
Nothing breathes unless it is dead
and even then, it's a foul smell
of haunting respite, lingering
time that is not time nor forgotten.

Where I Been

2006-09-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

T-shirts are on the way. I'm excited about that. Heading to Big Stone for the weekend only to return to the mini-series meeting we're having sunday night. All good things...must come to an end. LOL, just thinking about a star trek episode that jumped through three different time periods in jean-luc's life. And how he says, "our future is not written in stone. we can change it." I love that b/c even after seeing what is was he didn't let that discourage him, he just said, well we'll change it. It was only a possibility.

Here's a little ditty from something I'm working on:

He talked poison in his mouth.
He walked lazy in his step.
He loved hating in his heart.
He made crazy the world.
'Why do you keep his company?'
'Cause I'm believing I'll never be like him.'

Anyway, I guess you'd have to see where it's used and for now, that's a secret. ;)

2006-08-29T22:08:00.000-07:00

A working cover. I put some color to it recently also. Man, lots of good and creative things to look forward to. The TV mini-series will hopefully prove to be a worth-while undertaking. I think with a multitude of talent and dedication it could really prove to be something. Neil, this pic is for you, no matter where you go. Love you! You've been the truest of knights to me.

had to change a few things

2006-08-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

Bm G D A
Here comes a dreamer with wild claims
Bm G D A
He’s alive but his passion will die
Bm F#m D G
and from the pit, a cry of his shame
Bm F#m G D
that it’s too much to believe again

Who was once a son, now a slave
far from the place of childhood dreams
Under the far sun, he grew in wisdom
and on his finger, a ring of kings

Pre-Chorus:
Bm G D A
In the prison his dreams go on
Bm G D A
Not by might but the Spirit of God

Chorus:
G A F#m Bm
For My ways are not the ways of man
G A F#m Bm
And My kingdom is hidden from the wise
G A F#M Bm
Soon your faith will carry you high
G Asus A
into the promises of your time

Songs for Worship

2006-08-15T12:23:00.000-07:00

Ran out of printer ink...going to dad's. First one I kept simple cause I want it to be a sort of punkish worship song.

Am F C G
You’re the one I run to
Am F C Em
the light after the rain
You’re the one I hold onto
the goodness of my day

Pre-Chorus:
Am F Dm G
You’re embrace will never end

Chorus:
C F Am G
Hey yeah, yeah all praise
Hey yeah, yeah to the King
Hey yeah, yeah to His name
It is Jesus, It is Jesus

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dreamer

Bm G D
Here he comes, a dreamer with wild claims
Bm G D
He’s alive but his passion will die
Bm F#m D G
and from the pit, a cry of his shame
Bm F#m G D
that it’s too much to believe again

Who was once a son, now a slave
far from the place of childhood dreams
Under the far sun, he grew in wisdom
and on his finger, a ring of kings

Pre-Chorus:
Bm G D A
In the prison his dreams go on
Bm G D A
Not by might but the Spirit of God

Chorus:
G A F#m Bm
For My ways are not the ways of man
G A F#m Bm
And My kingdom is hidden from the wise
G A F#M Bm
Soon your faith will carry you high
G Asus A
into the promises of your time

Song Revisited

2006-08-09T06:17:00.000-07:00

Hosea

Verse1:
This one You said she is beautiful Gm Cm Bb F
and You knew her so deeply,
before her days began. As a child
everything she would be wonderful,
trusting a holy love.

Verse2:
It was You who taught her how to walk,
she walked away into another’s arms.
Sold her heart for a dying comfort
when all along it was Your healing,
it was Your pleasure she needed.

Chorus:
Then You said, one day Eb F Gm Bb
you’re gonna change your mind Eb F Gm F
One day you’ll lose/find Me Bb Gm Bb F
in the sands of Achor
But I won’t leave Eb F Gm
No I’ll never leave End: Gm Cm Bb F
For there you’ll find the door
that leads to freedom

Some Beach Pics

2006-08-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

The fam before dinner. You can see gram's arms in the background. The sands of Tatooine. I thought bout calling Adam to say we saw a few Jawas. But we had to run from some Tuskan Raiders.

Aaron and fellow dinner mate. A blue crab...he ate 8 lbs. of alaskan that night as well.

Nagshead

2006-07-31T17:50:00.000-07:00

Currently I'm in North Carolina, at the beach. Aaron and I rented surfboards for the week and I'm trying to learn the sport. Not easy, my friends. I thought snowboarding was frustrating. Throw in waiting for the right wave, paddling with exhausted arms, and balancing well there ya have it. But, once up it is fun and rewarding. My knees are bruised though...can't wait to check out Hattaras in a few days. The weather's been great. In between relaxing and swimming, I've been thinking on a graphic novel idea. I want to do something story wise w/ my art but I'm not really interested in children stuff at the time. So, I thought of a neat concept for a short GN. Anyway, that's it for now.

Good Morning America

2006-07-25T06:24:00.000-07:00

Let's see, I saw "Lady in the Water" recently. Spoilers, so be warned. The characters were great. Paul Giamatti had a stutter...I love that actor more and more. His broken, downcast spirit made him the unlikely hero. When the Howard girl started talking about why she was chosen to lead, and goes into this list about the things that are wrong with her, it was funny to me cause I just wanted to rise up and say, "Oh but that's what makes the best leaders...the ones who feel the least likely but who have the most courage when the time comes." And although it's a classic model of storytelling, I can identify most with a tale about a run-down, outcast lot that's the mold for our heroes.

The August 19th show I believe is still for the go. I'm excited b/c it will be a good attempt at meshing several styles and giftings. So be praying for us...

FNT has been going good...we're learning a lot and enjoying the journey, even the rocky parts. I'll be glad to spend some time with Robert Mearns in the near future, as he said he'd meet with our team and just speak some wisdom into us.

Em C G D
It is time to forget your past
Em C Am D
It is time for sacrifice
Em C G D
It is time the saints lay down their lives
Em C Am D
There’s a cry for freedom

Em C G D
It is time to leave behind your dead
Em C Am D
It is time to redeem the land
Em C G D
It is time to go to His mountain
Em C Am D
There’s a cry for freedom

G D Em
So run on to freedom
G D Em
Run on, run on (repeat)

C G D G
The old is gone, the new has come
C G D
The old things have passed away

It Is Finished

2006-07-11T19:58:00.000-07:00

Well it only took about a year. I'd estimate about fifty hours of work, not including drying time. But as I look at it, it's sort of bittersweet cause so much has happened in the past year and it's been poured out onto that canvas. I miss it and as much of a pain in the arse that it was sometimes, wow, I can say I am so pleased that it's done. Noah, I hope ya like it.

War and Justice

2006-07-03T08:38:00.000-07:00

The past week has been crazy hard and rewarding. The FNT turned out awesome after a day of warring through anxiety, stress, and frustration. I felt like we pushed through something major cause ever since that night, although it hasn't been butterflies and gumdrops, I have had this new level of confidence and vision. Anyway, I've been thinking more and more about wanting to play out. I wrote this this morning as a sort of recap to my thoughts from friday and a way to get it out there.

Verse1:
A word can kill your soul
like a hammer to a nail
Too tired to let it go
Hope is a broken anchor

Verse2:
When’s it gonna be your time
There’s been a fight so great
and now it’s hate you carry
You find, somewhere, truth is buried

Verse3:
The face of your beauty
is it scratched by weeping
Cries of the innocent ring
for the sick to rise off their beds

Chorus:
Just trust and let your heart rest
He is a saving defense
There’s a war with enemy lines
But He rides on the back of justice

I Miss You Guys!

2006-06-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

Belgrade at its finest. We walked all over the city and I'm pretty sure we know it like we would know something we know very well.
A beautiful day at the Adriatic Sea. What the heck...it's weird to think I was all the way across the world only a short time ago. And where is my Danielle? Where have you gone to???
Autumn and Tim after the treacherous boat ride. We barely escaped with our lives. Here they recall how many times they puked.

I'm very slow at getting film developed. I have about 500 pics that need it. Currently I'm working on a little travel essay about our trip. Maybe I can post it when it's done.

T-Shirt Design

2006-06-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

It'll say life after slavery, life after religion. Something to that affect. Proceeds will go toward friday night thing.

Black Makes me Laugh

2006-06-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find yourself leaving a movie, still feeling like you're one of the characters and somehow a part of their world? Well, last night I saw Nacho Libre. And I definately did not feel like that after leaving this quirky comedy. My favorite part is Satan's Cavemen. Those little ankle biting gremlins had me laughing till my stomach couldn't take it anymore. The movie was out there, odd in a Napoleon Dynamite way...w/ some Wes Anderson nods ;) ;) that one was for you Kimbo. Jack Black brings another one home. So, for my pals that will remember this movie experience, a xxooXoXXO!

Tom Petty's Free Fallin'

2006-06-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

So me and Keith had this idea to do this song soon for friday night. Only we'd have to change a few of the lines. But otherwise it would work well. So, give me opinions of ways we could alter some lyrics. Just whatever you think. Here's his song:

She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She's a good girl, crazy about Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too
It's a long day living in Reseda
There's a freeway runnin through the yard
And I'm a bad boy cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breakin her heart
And I'm free, free fallin
Yeah I'm free, free fallin
All the vampires walkin through the valley
Move west down ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin,' now I'm...
I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
Gonna free fall out into nothin
Gonna leave this world for a while
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

Psalm 29

2006-06-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

Can we say russ? Is anyone else's blog acting stately? ;) Well, I was spending some time with the Lord one morning in Serbia and was reading through Psalm 29. So I worked some of the passages into lyrical form. Then, today I re-worked them to a melody I liked. It's a simple song, but lately I've been trying to get back to the simplicity of loving Jesus.

Psalm 29

Verse1:
F#m A D A
Your voice comes like the wind
F#m A D A
to a heart troubled again
F#m D A C#m
Nothing can keep You away
F#m D C#m D
No nothing can keep You away

Verse2:
F#m A D A
Your words burn with desire
F#m A D A
the dry and dross from my heart
F#m D A C#m
So I can love You again
F#m D C#m D
And I will love You again

Chorus:
E F#m D A
In Your house everything cries glory
In Your eyes we are, we are holy
In Your house everything cries glory
E F#m D E
In Your eyes we are, we are holy

Orson Scott Card

2006-06-06T15:57:00.000-07:00

If ya've never read anything by him...do it. I've come to realize he is not only a Christian whose career has been primarily in the secular world, but his insight into the character of God and humankind is point blank. Here are some quotes that hit a chord in me. But read Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow and find them for yourself (and then on to Speaker for the Dead if so inclined). Warning: SPOILERS!

Bean's musings on Ender from Ender's Shadow: The important difference was in the way he led the others. He had their fierce devotion instead of the ever-so-slightly-resentful obedience Bean got from them, which helped from the start. But he also earned that devotion by noticing, not just what was going on in the battle, but what was going on in his commanders' minds. He was stern, sometimes even snappish, making it clear that he expected better than their best. And yet he had a way of giving an intonation to innocuous words, showing appreciation, admiration, closeness. They felt known by the one whose honor they needed.

Bean's thoughts in the last battle: There was no way, at the beginning of this battle, to predict that the Buggers would make such a mistake. Yet throughout history, great victories had come as much because of the losing army's errors as because of the winner's brilliance in battle. The Buggers have finally, finally learned that we humans value each and every individual human life. We don't throw our forces away because every soldier is the queen of a one-memeber hive. But they've learned this lesson just in time for it to be hopelessly wrong---for we humans do, when the cause is sufficient, spend our own lives. We throw ourselves onto the grenade to save our buddies in the foxhole. We rise out of the trenches and charge the entrenched enemy and die like maggots under a blowtorch. We strap bombs on our bodies and blow ourselves up in the midst of our enemies. We are, when the cause is sufficient, insane.

Description of grown Ender by his sister in Speaker for the Dead: Ender was quiet and unobtrusive, but he could not possibly conceal his brilliant understanding of human nature. The average students would overlook him, but the best of them, the ones she hoped would come up with original thought, would inevitably follow the subtle but powerful clues he would inevitably drop.

Ender's thoughts on the Mayor in Speaker for the Dead: He was used to the way religious people assumed their sacred stories must sound absurd to unbelievers. But Ender did not consider himself an unbeliever, and he had a keen sense of the sacredness of many tales. But he could not explain this to Bosquinha. She would have to change her assumptions about him over time. She was suspicious of him, but he believed she could be won; to be a good Mayor, she had to be skilled at seeing people for what they are, not for what they seem.

Orson Scott Card has also recently written "Sarah", "Rebekah", and "Rachel and Leah," fictional books about the lives of those women in Genesis. I've only read Rebekah but it was well written. This was really my first clue that he is not just a pronounced Christian but a man of Godly character and understanding. Ever since I've looked for the clues throughout his "secular" novels.

Trip Blips

2006-06-03T08:20:00.000-07:00

Surgery went good yesterday. I've never had stitches before. To the right is Venice. The boat ride back was a story in of itself.

Christians at the coliseum, ready for martyrdom. Who says weren't giving our all? Just because we dress nice and bring our cameras doesn't mean we aren't ready to lay our lives down. Besides, dying's so much easier than living. ;)

This sea-side town was breathtaking. Once I sell a few thousands books, go platinum on a cd, I just might retire here.

Words from Belgrade

2006-05-29T04:52:00.000-07:00

Well my trip is nearing its end and I can say that it's been trying, exciting, chill, powerful, and beautiful all wrapped into one package. I won't even attempt to write about our Croatia experience until I get back. Tonight I will be, by God's grace, playing some of my songs with a guy Phil has hooked me up with for our party tonight. So keep me in prayer, that I'll hear the Lord's voice and be able to sing His heart over the people there tonight. The time of ministry was powerful last night after Rick's teaching on judgment and sin. I prayed with a woman and I could sense alot of various points of bondage but didn't seem to know how to approach them. The Lord was faithful to give me words of wisdom that revealed various roots to those issues, such as a specific name. He's been so faithful admist my complaining and selfishness. Anyway, gotta run. BTW: How was Friday night???

INSIDER

2006-05-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

I finished finding a melody for Noah's song. I think I'm gonna really like it. There's something really great when an idea that starts with one person is transformed into a larger body. I can only imagine what some of the great composers must have felt when their music was played by the entire orchestra for the first time. It takes on a life of its own. And you as the author are free to move within the boundaries that you've created, adding and improvising, decorating it with more intricate care.

What I've learned in the past few days is this: leadership is not really leadership until you no longer see any benefit for yourself but only for the people you're leading. I watched "The Core" the other night and although the movie pretty much flopped, there was this line that sort of hit home. Someone told Hillary Swank that she wasn't a leader until she lost. I think this is true for several reasons. One, no one will trust your infallible ways. You're not human to them. Two, you won't learn anything of value. You play it too safe and therefore will lead in such a manner. Three, you won't know what you're made of deep in your heart. Are you one who gives into to failure or do you press on?

Quote for the night: The Apostle says that a certain thing was imputed to Abraham as righteousness: or, as the revised version has it, "reckoned unto him." What was it that was thus imputed to Abraham? The righteousness of another? God forbid! It was his own faith. The faith of Abraham is reckoned to him for righteousness. -George MacDonald

Taking Some Time to Reflect

2006-05-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

I feel it's been some time since I thoughtfully posted. These past few weeks have kept me busy with writing, work, preparing for Friday night, painting, and finding time to be with people. Shouldn't that come first? Maybe not all the time, but it is the thing which tends to get pushed to the side when we're consumed with our daily activities, at least with me. I love being with people, seeing what's going on in their lives, sharing common interests, or just a laugh. But, give me a song to work on, some goal that might not involve a whole lot of others and I'll usually let that take first priority. Some of it might be performance. Some of it is I just like perfecting the talents God's given me. And more and more, in this season, it's finding God in the midst of that. Well, last night was the Friday night thing. Yet again it was different than the time before but just as rewarding. I know what we're doing touches the heart of God in a new way. Like anyone, I think He probably gets bored with our usual ways of saying I love you or the ways we worship Him. Because He knows we can do so much more. He's created us and comprehends the depth of creativity and love we're capable of giving. The ones that go beyond what is required, go beyond what they think they're capable of, are the ones who steal His heart. That's what I want more than anything. To hear him say to me face to face, "You've got my heart. I trust you with it. There's no one else I'd rather give it to." I know when I'm only giving 60% or 10% or even 98%. Pushing through the wall, like the marathon runners, is when He really shows up. And it's not about performance or sacrifice it's about obedience. It's about asking the Holy Spirit to help us love Him more. We need Jesus to love Jesus. "For the ministry of service is not only fully supplying the needs to the saints, but is also overflowing through many thanksgivings to God." (2 Corinthians 9:13) Song of Solomon 8:7 says, "If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, it would be utterly despised." The bride is saying that she understands the cost and humiliation of giving everything to the Lord. But her life is a life of the fullest abundance and blessings that come with walking totaly surrended to His will.

Noah

2006-05-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

This Friday is the Friday night thing. I'm looking forward to flowing with His Spirit. Next Saturday there is a baby dedication and Jen asked if we'd write a song for Noah. Here are some lyrics I've been working on. Don't know if we'll use them. Can't wait to sing over those children!

Verse1:

Listen with a holy ear
Sometimes you’ll feel alone
Cause the world is full of anger
To those who fear the Lord
But you can hear His whisper
As you’re walking with your Father

Pre-Chorus:

His hand is stronger than mine
And His thoughts are so high
He is the same, He will never change

Chorus:

Who can count Heaven’s host?
Who can measure the sands?
So are His thoughts and promises
To you, a child of favor

Verse2:

Listen with a holy ear
Sometimes you’ll want to hide away
Cause the world is full of pain
And without any mercy
But His love will always endure
As you’re walking with your Father