Black Makes me Laugh

Do you ever find yourself leaving a movie, still feeling like you're one of the characters and somehow a part of their world? Well, last night I saw Nacho Libre. And I definately did not feel like that after leaving this quirky comedy. My favorite part is Satan's Cavemen. Those little ankle biting gremlins had me laughing till my stomach couldn't take it anymore. The movie was out there, odd in a Napoleon Dynamite way...w/ some Wes Anderson nods ;) ;) that one was for you Kimbo. Jack Black brings another one home. So, for my pals that will remember this movie experience, a xxooXoXXO!

Tom Petty's Free Fallin'

So me and Keith had this idea to do this song soon for friday night. Only we'd have to change a few of the lines. But otherwise it would work well. So, give me opinions of ways we could alter some lyrics. Just whatever you think. Here's his song:

She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She's a good girl, crazy about Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too
It's a long day living in Reseda
There's a freeway runnin through the yard
And I'm a bad boy cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breakin her heart
And I'm free, free fallin
Yeah I'm free, free fallin
All the vampires walkin through the valley
Move west down ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin,' now I'm...
I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
Gonna free fall out into nothin
Gonna leave this world for a while
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

Psalm 29

Can we say russ? Is anyone else's blog acting stately? ;) Well, I was spending some time with the Lord one morning in Serbia and was reading through Psalm 29. So I worked some of the passages into lyrical form. Then, today I re-worked them to a melody I liked. It's a simple song, but lately I've been trying to get back to the simplicity of loving Jesus.

Psalm 29

Verse1:
F#m A D A
Your voice comes like the wind
F#m A D A
to a heart troubled again
F#m D A C#m
Nothing can keep You away
F#m D C#m D
No nothing can keep You away

Verse2:
F#m A D A
Your words burn with desire
F#m A D A
the dry and dross from my heart
F#m D A C#m
So I can love You again
F#m D C#m D
And I will love You again

Chorus:
E F#m D A
In Your house everything cries glory
In Your eyes we are, we are holy
In Your house everything cries glory
E F#m D E
In Your eyes we are, we are holy

Orson Scott Card

If ya've never read anything by him...do it. I've come to realize he is not only a Christian whose career has been primarily in the secular world, but his insight into the character of God and humankind is point blank. Here are some quotes that hit a chord in me. But read Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow and find them for yourself (and then on to Speaker for the Dead if so inclined). Warning: SPOILERS!

Bean's musings on Ender from Ender's Shadow: The important difference was in the way he led the others. He had their fierce devotion instead of the ever-so-slightly-resentful obedience Bean got from them, which helped from the start. But he also earned that devotion by noticing, not just what was going on in the battle, but what was going on in his commanders' minds. He was stern, sometimes even snappish, making it clear that he expected better than their best. And yet he had a way of giving an intonation to innocuous words, showing appreciation, admiration, closeness. They felt known by the one whose honor they needed.

Bean's thoughts in the last battle: There was no way, at the beginning of this battle, to predict that the Buggers would make such a mistake. Yet throughout history, great victories had come as much because of the losing army's errors as because of the winner's brilliance in battle. The Buggers have finally, finally learned that we humans value each and every individual human life. We don't throw our forces away because every soldier is the queen of a one-memeber hive. But they've learned this lesson just in time for it to be hopelessly wrong---for we humans do, when the cause is sufficient, spend our own lives. We throw ourselves onto the grenade to save our buddies in the foxhole. We rise out of the trenches and charge the entrenched enemy and die like maggots under a blowtorch. We strap bombs on our bodies and blow ourselves up in the midst of our enemies. We are, when the cause is sufficient, insane.

Description of grown Ender by his sister in Speaker for the Dead: Ender was quiet and unobtrusive, but he could not possibly conceal his brilliant understanding of human nature. The average students would overlook him, but the best of them, the ones she hoped would come up with original thought, would inevitably follow the subtle but powerful clues he would inevitably drop.

Ender's thoughts on the Mayor in Speaker for the Dead: He was used to the way religious people assumed their sacred stories must sound absurd to unbelievers. But Ender did not consider himself an unbeliever, and he had a keen sense of the sacredness of many tales. But he could not explain this to Bosquinha. She would have to change her assumptions about him over time. She was suspicious of him, but he believed she could be won; to be a good Mayor, she had to be skilled at seeing people for what they are, not for what they seem.

Orson Scott Card has also recently written "Sarah", "Rebekah", and "Rachel and Leah," fictional books about the lives of those women in Genesis. I've only read Rebekah but it was well written. This was really my first clue that he is not just a pronounced Christian but a man of Godly character and understanding. Ever since I've looked for the clues throughout his "secular" novels.

Trip Blips

Surgery went good yesterday. I've never had stitches before. To the right is Venice. The boat ride back was a story in of itself.


Christians at the coliseum, ready for martyrdom. Who says weren't giving our all? Just because we dress nice and bring our cameras doesn't mean we aren't ready to lay our lives down. Besides, dying's so much easier than living. ;)





This sea-side town was breathtaking. Once I sell a few thousands books, go platinum on a cd, I just might retire here.

Words from Belgrade

Well my trip is nearing its end and I can say that it's been trying, exciting, chill, powerful, and beautiful all wrapped into one package. I won't even attempt to write about our Croatia experience until I get back. Tonight I will be, by God's grace, playing some of my songs with a guy Phil has hooked me up with for our party tonight. So keep me in prayer, that I'll hear the Lord's voice and be able to sing His heart over the people there tonight. The time of ministry was powerful last night after Rick's teaching on judgment and sin. I prayed with a woman and I could sense alot of various points of bondage but didn't seem to know how to approach them. The Lord was faithful to give me words of wisdom that revealed various roots to those issues, such as a specific name. He's been so faithful admist my complaining and selfishness. Anyway, gotta run. BTW: How was Friday night???

INSIDER

I finished finding a melody for Noah's song. I think I'm gonna really like it. There's something really great when an idea that starts with one person is transformed into a larger body. I can only imagine what some of the great composers must have felt when their music was played by the entire orchestra for the first time. It takes on a life of its own. And you as the author are free to move within the boundaries that you've created, adding and improvising, decorating it with more intricate care.

What I've learned in the past few days is this: leadership is not really leadership until you no longer see any benefit for yourself but only for the people you're leading. I watched "The Core" the other night and although the movie pretty much flopped, there was this line that sort of hit home. Someone told Hillary Swank that she wasn't a leader until she lost. I think this is true for several reasons. One, no one will trust your infallible ways. You're not human to them. Two, you won't learn anything of value. You play it too safe and therefore will lead in such a manner. Three, you won't know what you're made of deep in your heart. Are you one who gives into to failure or do you press on?

Quote for the night: The Apostle says that a certain thing was imputed to Abraham as righteousness: or, as the revised version has it, "reckoned unto him." What was it that was thus imputed to Abraham? The righteousness of another? God forbid! It was his own faith. The faith of Abraham is reckoned to him for righteousness. -George MacDonald

Taking Some Time to Reflect

I feel it's been some time since I thoughtfully posted. These past few weeks have kept me busy with writing, work, preparing for Friday night, painting, and finding time to be with people. Shouldn't that come first? Maybe not all the time, but it is the thing which tends to get pushed to the side when we're consumed with our daily activities, at least with me. I love being with people, seeing what's going on in their lives, sharing common interests, or just a laugh. But, give me a song to work on, some goal that might not involve a whole lot of others and I'll usually let that take first priority. Some of it might be performance. Some of it is I just like perfecting the talents God's given me. And more and more, in this season, it's finding God in the midst of that. Well, last night was the Friday night thing. Yet again it was different than the time before but just as rewarding. I know what we're doing touches the heart of God in a new way. Like anyone, I think He probably gets bored with our usual ways of saying I love you or the ways we worship Him. Because He knows we can do so much more. He's created us and comprehends the depth of creativity and love we're capable of giving. The ones that go beyond what is required, go beyond what they think they're capable of, are the ones who steal His heart. That's what I want more than anything. To hear him say to me face to face, "You've got my heart. I trust you with it. There's no one else I'd rather give it to." I know when I'm only giving 60% or 10% or even 98%. Pushing through the wall, like the marathon runners, is when He really shows up. And it's not about performance or sacrifice it's about obedience. It's about asking the Holy Spirit to help us love Him more. We need Jesus to love Jesus. "For the ministry of service is not only fully supplying the needs to the saints, but is also overflowing through many thanksgivings to God." (2 Corinthians 9:13) Song of Solomon 8:7 says, "If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, it would be utterly despised." The bride is saying that she understands the cost and humiliation of giving everything to the Lord. But her life is a life of the fullest abundance and blessings that come with walking totaly surrended to His will.

Noah

This Friday is the Friday night thing. I'm looking forward to flowing with His Spirit. Next Saturday there is a baby dedication and Jen asked if we'd write a song for Noah. Here are some lyrics I've been working on. Don't know if we'll use them. Can't wait to sing over those children!

Verse1:

Listen with a holy ear
Sometimes you’ll feel alone
Cause the world is full of anger
To those who fear the Lord
But you can hear His whisper
As you’re walking with your Father

Pre-Chorus:

His hand is stronger than mine
And His thoughts are so high
He is the same, He will never change

Chorus:

Who can count Heaven’s host?
Who can measure the sands?
So are His thoughts and promises
To you, a child of favor

Verse2:

Listen with a holy ear
Sometimes you’ll want to hide away
Cause the world is full of pain
And without any mercy
But His love will always endure
As you’re walking with your Father

New Song

Verse1:

Whether you lie or tell the truth

Always give or live to take

Keep a promise or let them break

Make your rent or living the street

You can come just the same

Sing a song that touches Him


Verse2:

Whether you love or wait afraid
Hide in shame or feeling free
See there’s beauty or just the grind
Make the times or getting by
You can come just the same
Sing a song that touches Him


Chorus1:

Take off your shoes now and dance, oh, dance

Unclothe your pride and make a sound

We lay down the idol of ourselves

We are in His courts, on holy ground


Chorus2:

Shake off your burdens and dance, oh, dance
Put on His yoke and take off your own
We forget the idol of our pain
We are in His courts, on holy ground

This One, A long Time I have Watched

An M. Night door.
Kim felt guilty for holding a flower I picked. We put it back!
This is on my back. A big, big tattoo.
Why doesn't anyone use stone anymore??? Stone her!
"Always dreaming away, looking to the future. Never in the now..."
Look at the size of that thing. What a beauty. Too close and it might fall on you, smashing you to pieces. Oh, feel the exhilaration.
Picture by Sophia. What an eye, what an eye! I am high, I am high! (not really)
"I am not a committee!" We all ran through the rain, stomped in puddles, and road piggy-back.

Dinosaurs

Well I had a strange dream concerning dinosaurs, again. I've to believe they're spiritual forces or obstacles in my own dreams. This time it was a herd of brontosauruses that were attacking. I was at some city near the ocean. I was with two other girls and we were walking along an embankment at night that shouldered the water. We had already escaped one dinosaur's mouth. We saw about three more in the distance and decided to turn around. There was one behind us too, so we sort of waded through the water, beyond a metal gate and kept moving past these seaside apartments. We joined up with another group of people but they were walking too close to the apartments. I felt like a dinosaur could reach its long neck over the building without us even noticing and we'd be caught up in its mouth. So we separated ourselves and moved out farther along the land (the sea had ended, it was day, and we were walking through these green fields). We saw some huge power generators. At first I thought they might be some kind of amusment park ride, then I saw sparks coming off them and the power lines above. I heard a sound farther off which sounded like another dinosaur. We ran for some trees to hide. It ended up being two ptarodactyls. They flew overhead but I don't remember seeing the other group of people after that. We hid alongside a fence and on the other side was a man mowing his lawn. And that's it. Oh yeah, I lost my cell phone. One of the girls wanted to call someone.

The Saintly Handicapped

Tonight is the friday night thing if you're wondering. We've got a little video especial. It was odd visiting St. Albans, although I didn't go inside. But imagining all those mentally ill people and the ware and tear it must have on the staff as well...well I couldn't help but weep for them. Someday...however the Lord leads...I'd like to be able to participate in the healing of such illnesses. Cause I believe it involves both body, soul, and spirit, and thus it takes wisdom and discernment to bring about full restoration. Not exactly an easy job...but mental illness in general really is the leprosy of today's world. Lepers were made to live outside the city, where no human contact was allowed from the "normal" people. They were never touched, never affirmed, nor had any hope of recovery. Until, that is, Jesus laid his hand of healing on their deformed bodies. I remember reading somewhere that pain, to them, really is a gift. They lose their sensory of pain and thus they injure themselves in accidents. Infection sets in etc. Pain is just the red light that, hey be careful, something's wrong here. There's a man that comes to get coffee at the mall. There is something obviously wrong with him. He cannot stand still; he can barely talk right. I wonder if there's anyone taking care of him. I wonder if there's anyone praying for him or knows what his real issues are. I know God has so much compassion for people like this. I imagine a parent who finds out their child has some malformity at birth. How do they feel when the person they already love so much is going to struggle unnecessarily through life, probably dying at a young age? How much more does God cherish, and fight for that life? How much more could we as Christians fight on behalf of the Lord for someone like that? I guess, if you've ever felt like that there's a grace to war. Otherwise, it'd probably suck you dry and best to do something else.

Signs of Spring

Randomness

Today was a beautiful day. Aaron popped by on Robert's motorcycle, which I later rode with Robert through my neighborhood. Blue sky, warm sun, and green hills. Then, I went to see Bugz about getting my tattoo touched up a bit. Small world. He told me to tell Robert to call him while he's in town. Later, I went to Barnes to look up a book and visited some old co-workers. Ah, I do miss them. Ya ever feel like you know exactly how your life is going to turn out, at least in some aspects, and then it does a complete 180 on you? Not in a bad way, but it's unexpected. You have to adjust, almost like you're a completely different person. The ole butterfly metamorphis analogy might apply here. *INSERT* Anyway, in all my randomness today, I found myself seeing new possibilities and getting excited about them. It's really spring. It's easy to feel trapped in one part of your life because it's what you've been living in. But all it is, is the next stage that leads onto the next and the next. My advice? Stay adaptable or learn to be. Don't be afraid to make huge mistakes. Make them! And have fun. Gosh, we have to be here a while, may as well be fun.

The Weeping of Rachel

Well this is still in the works. I think I'll probably add a bridge.

Verse1:
She weeps like a willow, her head low
Bent by bitter water, a bitter soul
There is no hope in her reflection
When she looks there is no alteration
And who could love such a woman
And who could see more than weeping

Chorus:
Sometimes love is best in grief
If redemption has a sound
Sometimes hope sleeps like beauty
If it’s lost it can be found
Sometimes pain strips our dignity
If a naked heart is what You crown

Verse2:
She weeps for the lonely, is she heard
Tears like a canyon river, bitter deep
There echoes of a comforting word
Nothing can separate us, no nothing
And she forgets all that is dying
And for a moment finds His love alive

ART

My first question is...who got voted off American Idol last night???

I'm looking forward to some art projects coming up. Yes, Jen, my first priority is to finish the epic translation of Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe from book to canvas. Then, I have to get rolling on a couple of tattoo ideas for Danielle and Maranda. Scott Vernon also asked me to do a banner similar to the one hanging in the sanctuary for him. And, finally, I want to design a girl shirt for speakingtothedead. If that's not enough, I want to begin designing a cd cover which I've had several ideas for.

I've been working on my longer story of late. According to Steven King you never set something down for long periods and come back to it. But rules be damned. Mark Twain put Huck Finn down for ten years before coming back to it. I'm enjoying just working on my writing skills. Gotta keep them fresh and sharp. Also, I was inspired by a passage out of Jeremiah, and another song I just love by Kevin Prosch. So I'm writing something about the weeping of a woman like that image of Rachel in Jeremiah. Dad, I'd love to work on this one with you. I'm thinking somber melody. Hey, that's my forte. Well...time for the daily grind.

Stargate Does Rule!

This was a great compliment to me today, with just a slight hint of humor. Okay, so I was working at the coffee place in the hospital and a chaplain came up to get coffee. Jason introduced him to me etc. He left to do something. About ten minutes later he comes up and says to me, "Ever watch Stargate?" I laughed. "Of course!" He said, "You look like Amanda Tapping." I said, "Thanks! She's awesome." So he said he's gonna call me Sam, which is her name on the show. I think it's funny cause, 1) I love her character. I wrote about her once on here. But she's a leader, can use a gun, very smart, and very pretty. 2)I don't even have blonde hair right now. I use to say when I was kid, I want to be an actress. Then when I went to Morningstar's psychic connection, they said "I'm hearing dramatic arts." I laughed. Well, if the right role ever comes along. ;) We shall see.

I Did It

"It" as in I got my tattoo. And I love it. I love just looking at it. It was painful no doubt but not unbearable and when he changed needles, started filling it in, I thought that was much easier on the skin. Except at the end when my skin was getting a little raw and he kept going over the same area. But it's done. Right now it feels good cause it's slightly warm, almost like a sunburn. I can't sleep for some reason. It's around 3:45 am. Usually when I can't sleep, I do something like watch a movie, take a shower, or listen to music. But, tonight, I think I'll just write about how pleased I am witht the outcome of the design. Bugz, from Ancient Art did the tattooing. He's a nice, down-to-earth guy. He has a picture up of an old gas pump out in the middle of Wytheville. The number on it says, 666. He said it freaked him out and he was sober. The guy's a Christian, as far as I can tell. He was raised Catholic, rebelled, and then had an encounter with the power of God when he was about 23. Gracie...if you read this...get a tattoo. It's an experience worth every penny. I wish I could call someone in a foreign country, who'd be up right now.

Something to Chew On

Hey Chris, no hurry, but if you have some time, could I borrow some music? I picture this song having more of a funkier guitar groove. Something maybe like Dave Matthewsish. I don't know...but I feel it'd be beyond my playing skills right now. So if anything comes to mind let me know. :)


When the sun rises find lovingkindness
An addiction to fill up my veins
where my loss is Your gain, Your medicine
Despite what I’ve done, call me friend
Friends enough that I can listen
It’s okay God to be Yourself

I’ve got to be honest, I’m still afraid
That all You give can be taken
But I still believe I’m Your beloved
And I’ll love like a tragic hero
If I die or tears are mistaken
What I’ve given makes the rough smooth

(Verse)
You know why I’m here, why we mesh
I want Your heart or I’ll break apart
More than a guest, less of a slave
I want Your heart or I’ll break apart

A Dream

So last night I dreamed I was walking through some water at night, a lake that wasn't too deep even though I was pretty far off from shore. But I got scared that eels were going to attack me so I ran back to shore. But once there I saw a huge snake and it started moving toward me. I ran but the thing only moved faster. I came to a hill and running up it was too hard. As the snake got near to me, I turned and with a long staff, just smashed its head over and over.

Friday Recap

For some reason I've been finding my old blog site a little tedious to keep up with. It's strange cause usually I love to write anything...it's about getting thoughts down. I'm not sure I have a whole lotta thoughts right now on the subject of Friday night except that I thought it went well. I enjoyed it very much. It's funny cause I got hit with lonliness pretty hard Saturday night. And as I write this, that old feeling is creeping around. I was listening to a Kevin Prosch song today and he sings about the subject. He says something like, "it tells you this is your portion." I guess that's the lie I gotta fight. Tammy prayed with me this morning. She said she admired my strength and knew it was from the Lord. But I don't feel strong at all. I think I'm learning though, something through these past few days, that although the warfare increases, so does His mercy and grace. We say that, but to live it, that's another thing. This means less of me, and more of Him. Less of my strength and more of His. It's bull when you're with people who really love you but you feel isolated all the same. We need each other. As long as you stay in the herd you're not picked off. Anyway, I'm gonna go enjoy His presence for a while.

Come One, Come All

FRIDAY friday friday

NIGHT night night

THING thing thing

8pm 8pm 8pm

Getting My Creative Groove On

Well we needed a banner. The word is tehilla, spontaneous praise. Much bigger in person.

It's our secret weapon. If we don't know what to do...we'll be like, look at the picture! Should look phat under some black lights.

Friday Night Thing Update

Sunday night was an interesting time with the Spirit. I love this passage in John. "Truly, truly I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you do not wish to go" (21:18). It's not that I did not want to be there, at the church, that night but it's hard when you are called to work with a team of people. We're all so different with different ways of seeing things and we all come from different backgrounds and hurts. So what did we do? We started praying, asking God for various things, especially to be among us. We want what He wants and we want to see Him move this Friday night. Then I felt like we were suppose to pray over the men, as leaders, to set them apart and build them up. They lined up and the girls got at their feet. I started weepeing for the things that had been buried in them because of the world's hurts and ways of saying "this is what you're suppose to be." Katie prayed destiny over them and Maranda laid her hand on each of their backs, quoting the scripture that He will lead them wherever they go. Then, Ben said it was time for us and we grouped together in a huddle. The men circled around us. I was filled up with joy. They didn't even have to say anything. A few things were prayed but the Father wanted to pour out His peace and joy over us. Laura, Katie and I laughed for quite some time. Maranda told me later she wanted to run out of there for particular reasons. But all in all, the Spirit moved. Ben prayed that we were His little girls. James got a picture of us pressing wine in a vineyard and Jeremy asked for our faith to arise where it had been perhaps deadened. And then...we worshipped some. That was a good night.

Oh yeah, I figured out how I'm gonna pay for my tattoo. My tax return!

New Looks

Well it all started with a dare. Katie and I had been talking earlier how for me anyway it's easier to do out of the norm stuff if there's a dare backing it. So out of the blue, we're hanging at my house after having gotten back from Roanoke and she says, "Hey Amy, I dare you to dye your hair dark brown." I thought for a minute, grabbed Amber and jetted to the bathroom to see what my face looked like with Amber's locks over my forehead. Maranda convinced me it would look alright so off we went to Kroger. While there, we picked up a cheap box for Jeremy as well. So I ended up having to go back to the store to buy another box for my hair cause it was a little splotchy first time around. But we got the job done and I have to admit I kinda like it. I enjoy the shock aspect when people see me. And it's only temporary, so it'll fade soon enough. A woman at work said I ought to keep it like this but I think I'm gonna miss my blonde. After much toil we convinced Jeremy that his would not be a huge change and he went for it as well. It makes him look younger in my opinion and wasn't really a drastic change.

Cascades

Noah enjoyed his surroundings...little nature boy.
What a beautiful day.
Pixie had a near-death experience.
The pool after the pool where Pixie almost met her maker.

Dream Time

I can remember a fragment of a dream last night, among many fragments none of which seemed to make any real sense but they were remembered all the same. The part that struck me as the most important was the issue of a train. First I was looking out my bedroom window and it was barely morning. I saw a huge black train moving just beyond the treeline in my back yard. It felt as if my house was moving because of the way I was looking at the train (I suppose). Then I went outside and got on a smaller, more futuristic looking train. I strapped in cause it moved more like a rollercoaster (in the same sort of family as the outer limits). We (there was someone else with me but I can't recall who) did several twists and up-side down moves on that train before it stopped. We got off because we had to go back home. I was about half-way home when the young boy who'd been driving the train called out to me. He apologized for not taking me home and said he would go the rest of the way if we wanted him to. That's all I can remember about that.

Some symbolic meanings from Streams:
trains- church movements
bedroom- intimacy
backyard- past or bloodline
window- vision

I remember at some point in another unrelated dream my hair had gotten caught in these hanging thorn branches. I was trying to knock a spider off its string that was hanging in my pathway. And then it changed into a little man (I think) and it started to swing back and forth. That's when I backed up and my hair got caught.

Anyway, just relating a few of the night images. Thanks for emailing your dream Dave. I got it at a crucial time on Sunday, so I don't think it was coincidental.

My Tattoo

Sorry for the blurry image. This is what I'd get...I'll ponder it awhile but I love how it turned out. What ya'll think?

Fridays

I think the first few nights we do this it's gonna be hard. We all arrive before time to start, probably feeling on edge, a few of us handling the last of the sound/decorative details. As the clock rounds 8:00pm, a couple of people walk in, and then a couple more. Someone announces it's time, the lights go out, and we begin. Begin what? What we've all been trained for, prepared for, hoped for. We have nothing to really compare it to, save for our own experiences throughout this small world. The things that have left a mark on who we are today. I know we are more than ready. And this year, being a year of change, is just the right temp and environment for such an endeavor. It's like the Lord has opened the door to a great, big mansion w/ passages and hidden rooms, and secret wealth. We don't have to do anything but be a child within the boudaries He's given us. So, I'm excited, tired, anticipating, a little fearful, all mixed in with some typical amy fierceness/i don't care. Count on probably the preparation meetings doubling until we get started or at least those of you who can come. I think the next wise decision would be to put expresso machines in each household. ;)

Sunday

Like I told a few people, I really, really did not want to do that song Sunday. Something in me was like "hey they're not gonna understand what you're trying to say." It's funny that Chris was thinking the same. The first time was really good. The second time was great in that I felt the beginning of a release that I think is only going to keep coming. When I was done singing, I could barely stand. All I know is the Lord is on the move and real change is coming. I'm barely hanging on but it's been a fun, stretching few months. So, hoping to record Hosea (and Name) soon.

Got tha Blues?

Part of this post is due to the fact that I have two pics, the same pic, of me and I want to push them farther down the pic. So I mentioned I am working on some kind of bluesy song. Here are some of the lyrics I was playing with. I love the fact that the blues was about everyday life, and how the undercurrent beat helped put pain into some kind of manageable/expressible form. Not that I was feeling pain today. But I was feeling a little bluesy.


I heard a bell, it rang
in the early morning wind
Don’t know from where it came
Looks like I got the blues again

(Chorus)
There are mothers without husbands
There are children without fathers
Restore the love that’s run dry
If You’re a man who knows our sorrows

I saw a dog, it died
when the sun was hot and high
Just another dirty day
Looks like I got the blues again

I met a man, he lied
A black-suit lord of the night
He said you do what you can
Looks like I got the blues again

I'm not trying to be vain here. I want to use this as my blog pic too. Anyhoo...massive revelation today. Feels good to hear from my Father and just know who I am in relationship to Him. "A Father disciplines the one He loves." Not that that's all my time with Him consisted of but it was refreshing all the same. It was such a long day yesterday. Lots going on and by the end of the day I was sort of in close-my-heart-off mode. So I repented of that this morning, among other things. It's so easy to do and you feel all dead inside but you don't really realize what's going on until He mentions something about it. I'm working on a blues song. At least the lyrics for it. The tune is another issue. But I thought it would be fun to try.

Fun Stuff (it's 4am)

Everyone check out my latest endeavor: myspace.com/amyfrench

Dad...I need an invite to sign up with gmail. I couldn't use my old email address so I gave one I don't have yet. I hope no one has it yet. :(

In the Workings

Well I wrote this about a week ago and have been tweaking it. Chris I'd like to play it for ya soon and hear what guitar stuff you're hearing. Also, Dad I definately hear some bv's in this one if you want to sing. It was a very dark day for me...don't really remember the specifics but the only thing that gave me comfort was the fact that He is Lord of all and has everything in His hands. Thus I call it "Lord of All."

Verse1:
Am E
All your friends have scattered with the wind
G F
And the darkness as dark as it’s ever been
Am E
But there’s a light that rises on you
G F
and dances in the night till you see the Truth
Am E
Instead of shame, a double portion
G F
Instead of mourning, His compassion


Pre-Chorus:
E F
I see the Lord
C G
Sovereign King, Lord of all
E F
And on a white horse
C G
He rides forth with the dawn


Chorus:
F C
I will trust in You
F C
All my hope is You
F C
The name high above
Am G
All praise to Jesus


Verse2:
Am E
All your trials have got you worn and tired
G F
You’re so scared to even hope again
Am E
But there’s a light that rises on you
G F
and dances in the night till you see the Truth
Am E
Instead of a desert, joy like a river
G F
Instead of rejection, His inheritance

Reflections

I was thinking back to my little escapade to the middle of nowhere somewhere near Charlottesville. What I was thinking about were the people there and how I have a soft spot for broken, forgot-abouts. It meant so much to me to be able to come into their home and minister some kind of hope. I don't mean this as condescending but my heart just overflows with love when I encounter someone who has no hope left, who does not see their potential, who feels like the world exists around them and they were put here somehow mistakenly. I felt the same for the gypsy home group in Macedonia. Those sort of people are closest to God's heart, and are able to tap into a power and grace most of us cannot fathom b/c we're so self-dependent. Anyway, I'll be late for church. Just wanted to share that this morning.

New Format

Just a quick post on my newly formatted blog. So I dreamed last night that there was a woman in a room with Aaron, Jen and I. She had some kind of old gun, sort of like a revolver or 44 mag. We managed to tackle her and then dismantled the gun...took all the bullets out. I also had a gun and tried locking it up in my desk but the lock wouldn't work. I looked to my left and there was a screw sticking out of some dry-wall. I pushed it back into the wall. I wondered what was hanging on the otherside of the wall. And that's it.

1 John 3:16 (funny how it says something similar to John 3:16)

Recaps

i found the nipple pic. sshhh...
luv this pic...very haunting.
some days ya just gotta get out onto God's canvas...nature...er bridges.
going to the chapel and i'm gonna get married...
ducky's pissed and it's not worship!
what a waste of everclear...but whata flame!

The Five Do's of Supernatural Ministry (According to Jim Goll)

1)Earnestly desire spiritual gifts. 1 Chor. 14:1

2)Believe God's prophets and you will succeed. 2 Chron. 20:20

3)Pray the promises back to God. Jer. 29:10

4)Fight the good fight. 1 Tim. 1:18

5)Seek confirmation at all times. Deut. 19:15

Lots of labor for things being birthed. And He does not bring us to the point of delivery and then not go through with it. I had two dreams last night both involving babies in different scenarios. I believe the things He's bringing into existence are the works saved for the end-time church. That's why it's been such a painful process and will continue to be. We need the wisdom to care for His gifts, the discernment in how to execute them, and the perseverence to see them perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Good Morning to Ya

I woke up this morning with Hosea's chorus part running through my mind: "No I won't leave...no I'll never leave...for there you'll find the door..." I really sensed it was my Father singing over me. The song is coming along nicely. The Jews use to write in the Dorian Mode and if I remember correctly it is mostly composed in minor keys like Gm. So the overall sound of the song to me is Jewish. Chris made a nice transition into one of his songs and it would be neat to do them both perhaps one Friday night and Sunday morning without a break in-between (the songs of course). I was gonna mention something else but I can't be late for work. So ta ta for now.

Birds and Cooks

Friday nights are on. I must admit I have some fears going into this, such as: will I be left standing alone with another broken dream, will it end up being a tedious endeavor that will require more human effort than God strength, will I start to doubt my purpose in it all and bail out with failure to add to my record...BUT at the same time I am excited to see what the Spirit wants to do. I anticipate a new level of life in the Spirit, the kind that comes only through dying to yourself and giving yourself to others. Now that I think about it, I was going to share a dream I had last night and I believe I just got the interpretation concerning the above mentioned things. In my dream I had several small box-like aquariums on a kitchen counter. In them was water, some dirty, some cloudy. In the water were tiny, baby birds and I kept trying to feed them. I would move from container to container and I would say there was about five in all. I had tweezers that I used to lower chicken lunch-meat into the water. Sometimes the chicken would just dissolve. Sometimes it would not make it to the bird. And sometimes I forgot to feed them on time, as they needed a lot of food in the beginning. Eventually all the birds died because they were so young and needed more care than I could give. But there was one last aquarium that I paid special attention to and somehow the bird survived. And the small, ugly hatchling turned into a little man (along with furniture inside the water). I took the container upstairs to the bathroom to show mom. I laid out all the furniture on the bathroom counter and now it was beautiful wood that formed a small living room and one other room that I cannot recall. Wood also formed around the furniture as a floor, giving it the appearance of a log cabin without walls. That's about all I can remember. Anyway, overall I think it addresses my fears in that we can attend to many dreams/visions with great skill (at least to the best of our abilities) but sometimes those things are gonna die cause they're just not the right thing/right time. But they eventually lead to the right thing/right time b/c you've been doing it all along and needed Him to take it to the next stage of life.

A shout out to my homey Dave who'll be leaving us shortly for a short time. We'll miss ya!

Weird Dreams

My first dream last night consisted of me seeing a map...zoomed in to part of Germany. Eventually I was there (I think) walking around in a wooded area. But when I saw the map, there was a part near some water where I felt like a tribe of Hungarians or something to that effect lived. I kept thinking Hungates so that's all I can correlate it with right now. Later I went shopping with Susie and Gab. Gab was upset cause they didn't have a bed made by Abba.com I remember seeing Aaron there too.

Anyway, in my next dream there was this really small creature running around. I kep trying to catch it. Finally it ran into Maranda's room (however the room looked different). Someone had turned on hot water and it was running throughout the room. When I got it, it no longer looked like a small lizard/deer but a little boy. In fact he was large enough now to be a boy and I took him downstairs after having discovered his name was....drumroll....Hungan. Mom was on the couch and I gave him to her. He had a small clay doll with him that she said was probably worth tons of money. He just hugged her and that's all I remember.

So any thoughts?

Remember the Book Worm in KQVI?

Feeling better today. I've been doing a lot of reading lately and I started last night John Elderidge's first book co-written with Brent Curtis called The Sacred Romance. I've always wanted to read this one because his friend Brent died tragically a short time after it was written and John makes mention of him in other books. Like Wild at Heart, Captivating, and Waking the Dead, it deals with reviving the heart from which the wellsprings of life flow. Here's a quote from it which I believe to be a good summation of what the book is about:

Romance is the deepest thing in life, romance is deeper even than reality.--G.K. Chesterson

The Romance whispers that we are someone special, that our heart is good because it is made for someone good; the Arrows tell us we are dime a dozen, worthless, even dark and twisted, dirty. Where is life to be found? The Romance tells us life will flourish when we give it away in love and heroic sacrifice. The Arrows tell us that we must arrange for what little life there may be, manipulating our world and all the while watching our backs. "God is good," the Romance tells us. "You can release the well-being of your heart to Him." The Arrows strike back, "Don't ever let your life out of control," and they seem to impale with such authority, unlike the gentle urges of Romance, that in the end we are driven to find some way to contain them. The only way seems to be to kill our longing for the Romance, much in the same way we harden our heart to someone who hurts us. If I don't want so much, we believe, I won't be so vulnerable. Instead of dealing with the Arrows, we silence the longing. That seems to be our only hope. And so we loose heart.

Recaps From Wonder

I finished this book about a week ago and it is really amazing. Same sort of flavor as Lewis' Weight of Glory. I recommend it if you're in the mood for some Spirit filled apologetics. Here are some of my favorite recaps from Recapture the Wonder:

On heaven:

The existential longing for the ultimate in beauty and serenity--that is heaven. To start with, knowing what it means to live by essence and not by function--what it means to be, apart from what it means to do--nudges open the door of understanding. In heaven, faith becomes sight. We see His presence in a way that our earthly being can never envision. (I am jumping around a bit here). In the human body, touch is a critical sensation. We know so much through touch, both of love and pain. Jesus introduces here the one aspect that is indispensable to the full enjoyment of sight and touch--purity. "Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God."

G. K. Chesterson once said that man is a misshapen monster with his feet set forward and his head set back. In other words, he wants to move forward, striving, grasping, climbing, but deep inside he knows that if he is to find rest at the end of the day, he must head back home or he will be dining with a different family each night---and even a banquet gets monotonous if you feast every night. Coming home to where the wonder is, is the way to retain it in perpetual rest of heart. In other words, progress and common points of return are not mutually exclusive idea. Because origination and destination are identitical venues does not expel progress.


Well...I am still feeling weary and worn out from this damnable cold. It doesn't seem to be getting better. It's one of those green snot, stuck down in the chest colds. I hate sleeping though...such a waste of time. So I try to do stuff and get all frustrated cause nothing seems very productive. Prince of Persia time. Peace out my homies.

Some Party Pics

Sable Pics #2

If only I had a time machine.
Ready for war, these brave men know not sleep nor mercy.
Caught em sitting on a branch and then the branch fell. Now we know who's been stealing the reserves.
Boom! You're dead.

Amy's Sable Pics

I am stalking the director. Fun times. I won't go public with this pic if you give me a free t-shirt damn you.
Our brave hero. I wonder what his demise will be.
The demolition team. They use to blow up helpless ground in my parents backyard. I am glad to say it has not all been for not. Their training had a purpose.

Mr. Frank Mosely in the middle...my old history teacher in seventh grade who now works at Barnes. The guy on the far right was from Scottland. They're his boys...ride on rough riders.

Increased Spiritual Activity

I was laying in bed today, waking up from a nap and I saw a flash of light near my computer. Not thirty seconds later got a whiff of something sweet, almost like roses. I thought hhmm maybe Maranda just sprayed some perfume but then I didn't smell it again. If it were coming from her room I would have smelled it longer. Then I thought well maybe I smelled an angel and decided to read the chapter in Goll's Seer book about discernment. He writes, "Many people have testified to sensing the presence of the Lord accompanied by the smell of roses." I definately thought that was cool. I've never smelled the Lord before and my sense of smell is very acute. Jona's word to me on Saturday night had to do with this and creativity. He said I'd begin to experience increased activity during times of worship etc. I believe him because he knew nothing about me. I asked him to pray for me because of areas of creative frustration and stifling. He said that I had not encountered the Lord in some time and that that is why I feel a lot of life is purposeless right now. But he said to keep pursuing the Lord because He wants to encounter me again. He said during these times we have to hold firm to the promises. And he is right. It's been over four years now since I saw the Lord. It's not depression it's divine desparation. I know I will see the Lord again. This is my hope and my reason for life. Everything changes when we see Him as He is. I haven't been so excited in a long time...for all the Lord is doing in this area. I am eager to get on with worship training perhaps for the mere purpose of working with a team on Friday nights. I have been talking to many people and they are excited have some sort of young adult/college what have you thing starting up again. I don't wish to limit this to one particular age group. I hope all ages can come and feel the freedom of the Spirit during that time.

KAK COLLAB

This our collaboration project in the making.

Verse1:
I wanted You near
Cause You are
I wanted Your touch
Cause You are
I wanted Your love
Cause You are
More than I see

Verse2:
I will not hide
Cause You are
I will not run
Cause You are
I will not turn
Cause You are
Surrounding me

Chorus:
I will call You Holy (Jesus)
I will call You Savior (Jesus)
I will call You Worthy (Jesus)
I will call You by name (Set us free)

Rich with a Cup O Tea

I had the best dream last night and woke up feeling so refreshed. I told my Dad thank you and thank you. All it really consisted of was John Paul Jackson praying for me. But during that time I sensed the Spirit so strong, as if I were actually sinking into Him. Anyway, the theme of thankfulness and gratitude was on my heart even as I continued to read a little from a book of mine. So I wrote a little thing and here it is. I was just trying to say that you get the most wonder out of life from appreciating the small things that He give us everyday and fellowship with our family.

It seems today I've no one left to thank
I'm so grateful that this life is mine
I told the mailman he gets it here on time
I told my friend we're laughing at the impossible past
I told my dad you're alot of what I want to be

But there's still a sky full of possibility
And there's wonder even in the night
If I had a chance to tell you my mind
We might miss our plane and those great big dreams
We're one in the same, rich with a cup of tea

What's Up Yo

Tonight Katie, Carly and I gathered to do a little worshipping together. We talked about our preferred styles and tastes, did a little praying and then started singing to my limited guitar skills. We sang whatever what was on our hearts and anything that stood out Katie wrote down. Then I took that stuff and put it into some form. I think what we have is gonna be a really cool worship song. We want to do it together one Sunday. I'll post it soon. Carly has a higher, black gospel sorta voice. I can really see her singing out in the background at certain spots. Katie's is higher also but not as high as Carly's. And then I come in with the ole Celtic Folk feel. It was a very freeing and fun time. Last night I had a dream that I was talking to Rick on the phone about us three getting together. He started to cry because he was pleased that we were doing that. Many times in the past I believe Rick has represented the Father in my dream.

Thursday I am meeting with a girl I went to highschool with to talk about working for the Roanoke Times. She does photography for them and she has good connections with other staff writers. I am eager to venture into this side of writing whilst getting paid for it. But I'm not sure what it will entail. So be praying for me that the Lord will open the right doors and close the wrong ones.

If you have any suggestions let me know...I can try to make changes. This copy is so marked up it's going to need to be copied. Sorry this pic isn't very clear. Just thought you'd like to check it out.

This is Our Battle

People are getting together tonight after dance in the sanctuary to pray and war for Brandon. I wish I could be there unfortunately I have to work. So if you can spare thirty minutes or so please do it. A few of us are going to try to meet at least once a week to persevere in this. And remember to pray in faith, not in fear. Confess what you don't see till you do. He's part of our body and passivity has no place here.

Hosea

Well this has been on my heart for a while. I would love to hear it put to a ballad-like tune on the piano...hint hint. So Chris if you have some stuff floating around in that noggin' of yours that would be way cool. I want to keep it simple. Anyway, let me know if you come up with anything. I think the piano would really compliment it.


I'm calling it Hosea for right now cause that's where the inspiration came from.

Verse1:
This one You said she’s beautiful
And You knew her so deeply
before her days began as a child
Everything she would be wonderful
In her youth trusting a holy love

Verse2:
It was You who taught her to walk
She walked away into other arms
sold her heart for a dying comfort
when all along it was Your healing
It was Your pleasure she needed

Chorus1:
Then You said one day
You’re gonna change your mind
One day you will loose Me
in the sands of Achor
But I won’t leave
No I’ll never leave
For there you’ll find the door
that leads to freedom

Chorus2:
Then You said one day
You’re gonna change your mind
One day you will remember Me
in the sands of Achor
Still I love all the same
Still I love all the more
No longer call me master
but find me your husband

Warrior

Here's an image I had to get down this morning. There's really not a form or set rhyme scheme, as is common in all my stuff I suppose. But I thought I'd share it nonetheless.

I am a warrior
I rise with the sun
The light on my face
I strap on my breastplate
I fit it to my size
I examine my sword
Its sharpened by His hand
I throw it into the air
Cutting the morning mist
I breathe heavily
And sheathe my weapon
By the belt of Truth
I am warrior
For the sake of peace
And justice and righteousness
I clothe my legs
In the strength of the Spirit
I walk in His ways
And seek His face
I clasp my feet
With the steadfastness of peace
For all endurance
Through patience given
So that I may run in such a way
As to win the prize
And at last my eyes
Are hidden behind
A helmet of salvation
His grace I wear upon my mind
Until we will see Him as He is
Face to face
I am a warrior
Ready for battle
In the name of the Lord of Hosts
His is the victory
His is the glory
His is the honor forever

Hickory

Well looks like I'm gonna hit up Morningstar this Friday and then crash at the Mearns' until Alan's show Saturday night. I'm looking forward to hearing some awesome music on both ends! I feel like I'm leaving for Ireland all over again. Tear drop, drip, drip. I was watching Dances with Wolves the other night and the fact that Costner is living admist a group of people who don't speak his language and whose culture is completely different from his, made me miss Serbia and Macedonia. As I watched Su Mani Tu Tanka Owachi (my spelling of course) attempt to learn their speach I was reminded of my own endeavors to learn Serbian and Macedonian. The experience is exciting and rewarding. I hope to return soon, perhaps with the interns this May.

Chris...we have a part for Meg in the video. It's a cracked-out part but I think she would be perfect. That's me making light of something that I think will be very powerful. Anyway, I'm sure we'll talk more later about it.

Updates

Saturday went great...thanx to all who came out! I am eager to hear the finished product whilst getting other songs rolling on the recording phase. Keith seems to have ideas flowing for an ashes remix. For the video though I think I will use the original b/c it is 8 minutes and the remix will probably be half that. Hopefully I can get a copy to you Neil before you head out. I hear VA Tech plays originals on their radio station so I'm thinking of sending them a copy. Why not?

Looking forward to going to Hickory Saturday night. I'm eager to meet some of the peops coming. It should be a great show. Gracie put your snib down!

Death to Fatalism

It's odd how common the phrase "Que sera, sera" really is among a culture far from the time of Greek rule. Whatever will be, will be. Odd to me because the youth and young adults of this age seem to declare very ardently that they want it their way. So which is it? I am reading a great book right now by Ravi Zacharias, an apologist equalling C.S. Lewis, I would say. It's called Recapture the Wonder. I read a chapter while at work one day and then decided to buy it. Zacharias writes that "fatalism is the creed of a will that is dying to its possibilities and seeks to drag the imagination with it. Resignation to life as a 'so it is' carved in stone is the cynical response of the one who does not know the grand triumph of the imagination that God has fashioned for us." A Spanish mystic is quoted as saying: "May God deny you peace and give you glory." I don't think finding wonder, the fulfillment of hope in our dreams, the enchantment of our emotions, is as difficult as we make it out to be but there is certainly a cost. The cost is not denying ourselves of our dreams. I am reminded of Lewis' argument in Screwtape. If we forsake the things we enjoy only to do the right thing then the enemy has a hand on us for we've lost a part of our heart to him. Eventually "doing the right thing" grows boring to us and we've mistaken that for who God is. Thus God is boring to us. Zacharias makes a similar argument. Wonder in life restores an eternal enchantment to our senses without forsaking reason. I think having a fatalistic mindset is as tragic as forsaking a dream. Jesus said that the violent take the kingdom by force, did He not? Who is the ruler of circumstances and death and disease on this earth? Why would letting be what will be turn out any other way than according to the enemy's design? As Christians we're given tools to access eternal resources and wisdom. But such precious jewels will only be found once we cut through the waste and distraction. I suppose I might just see things a little differently sometimes. I imagine that if I had to go to war for the sake of a city, those that hide themselves in the city would probably have an attitude much like the fatalists. If we lost, they would die at the hands of their enemy or live under oppression. If we won, they would eventually die anyway and not having fought at all they will never know what it meant to risk their lives for something greater than themselves. I would know at least a taste of true freedom, a freedom from the fear of destruction, and if I survived, having attuned my heart to the revelation of that wonder, I could thereafter recognize and receive any more to come.

A Bit of Ranting

You ever feel like everything you thought you were is snatched away instantly one day? And all your energy goes into fighting to know if those things you saw in yourself were true or if they were illusion? That's how I've felt for the better of five months probably. But I think the simple truth is that you would not be fighting if those things were not true. I think there is a difference between foolish zealousness and Spirit warring. With the latter you are given something from the Father that goes totally against what your circumstances are and who you appear to be at the moment. You don't know in your own heart if it is so. You almost wish you could wake up and hear something closer to reality: you're a failure etc. Then it's ok to settle. But no, the Father keeps speaking a higher calling. You can ignore what He's saying and settle into busyness or routine or distraction. Believe me, I have done all those things. Slowly your heart grows cold to the depths of the Spirit's guidance and wisdom. Foolish zealousness achieves the very same thing. I want to be such and such, I want to be so and so (not necessarily a particular person but someone you've created in your mind) at whatever cost. You gain the whole world. Alot of the time the enemy wants us to suceed b/c we have more authority to do harm to ourselves and others. The Father never stops telling us who we are to Him. We might be able to run for a time but then the truth is always so much more devastating to our hearts when He does get a hold of us again. I mean that in a bitter-sweet way; we are grateful because the forgiveness is more than we'll ever be able to repay.

All that to say, I have come to some conclusion about who I am through the past months. And it's not failure or foolishness. I was even angry with God one day. I told him, "Not only do people think I'm crazy, they think You're crazy!" As my mom always intervenes with, I care too much about others opinions. So I asked the Lord to forgive me. But then, I read in a book by Ravi Zachiarrias about how Israel rejected the Lord through the history of the prophets. God warns Israel to keep Him close to their hearts or else they will forget He is the One who delivered them from Egypt. What happens?--they forget. The most poignant to my heart was when he got to Hosea. You know the story. Israel is compared to a harlot who rejected the Lover that found her as a child, cared for her, and then married her. The Lover continued to love despite Israel's unfathifulness. However, it gets worse. When the story continues to Malachi, God is even more hurt. Now we are not harlots. We are worse. We pay others to sleep with us and then we declare, "How God have you helped us?" But God does not stop at their bickering and forget them. He says He will send His Son.

I don't care how people view me so much anymore. I don't care if I think myself a fool or a failure if it's not what He sees. I know He will deal with those who think lightly of Him or who do not think on Him at all and it will be in a way I cannot imagine.

Cool Dream

My family and I drove this van to the moon. I knew that you could buy tickets for around $4500 dollars to get there. I remember them opening the van doors and me thinking I would not be able to breathe. Once outside though dad and I drove around on a small vehicle. There were plateaus of snow and then huge mountains that had grass on them. Dad was driving pretty fast and then he went off a small cliff; though it scared me he knew what he was doing. We ended up in some house where more people came to have a prayer meeting. Someone had taken my "Part of Me" song and produced it w/ some other girl's bv's. We sat in a circle to hear people's prayer needs. And that's about all I remember.

It's been a hard month. Not in the sense of extreme battling but having to catch those little foxes. Part of me feels like it's just plain lazy and forgets what it means to have discipline. At the same time it's been a rewarding month with music and fellowship breakthroughs. I'm excited about new opportunities opening up. I've been so blessed by knowing His faithfulness.

New Year Brings in New Times

Real quick....I had so much fun playing with Ben and Neil tonight on that new song of mine. Ben picked up what I wanted to hear very fast and Neil was right behind him with his drumming. I feel like it a was a sort of stepping out for me. I wasn't with Dad or Chris whom I usually play with. I'm learning to move in His confidence and it is so freeing! I can't wait to hear the electric and bass added to the song. We definately have to work out some of the kinks but for the first time playing it, I was so blessed. Thank You King Jesus...You are so faithful. You always sweep me off my feet when I least expect it. I love the people here You've placed in my life who are so willing to walk beside me and sacrifice their time and talent. I just absolutely love hearing everyone's abilities meshing together to glorify You.

PS Chris when are you coming home? We gotta play some together soon too!!!

PPS It wasn't ashes but the failfulness one. We can do ashes whenever bodgy is free.

PPPS I loved King Kong! I liked the captain and Adrian Brody. Visual stunning....I don't think I have ever said "Oh my gosh" so many times in one hour. And I can't say I have ever cried over an ape before. Jack Black you're a jerk!

Holiday Spoils

Favorite Random gifts:

hand-crafted drawing book
Narnia X-box game
Bob Dylan t-shirt from Buckle

Favorite Recent Purchases:

Vest from Banana Republic
Molly Williams cd, Flyleaf cd (yes I did it)

Things to look forward to:

The Numbers show January 16th (Grace Mearns' bro's new band)
recording Ashes and others
going through the worship team process (haha)

Merry Christmas!

Modifications Set #2

Yo yo what up to all my fans. Hhmm I had all this random funniness to say but it all slipped away. Beware to all who cross my path in the next oh say for the rest of my life...I might tell ya what I really think of you. :) I was so proud of myself last night at work. This guy who is usually very friendly and chatty just started an argument with me. AND I hate to argue...I really do. I usually try to avoid it at all costs. But that's not the way to go either. So I said what I thought and got mad but didn't feel hurt afterwards. It was great. Today I was able to tell dad what I really wanted to get out of this song we're working on and that was good too; instead of just being like "oh cool..." In the words of Harry (from when Harry met Sally) "I feel like I am growing." ANyway...I've been changing that song around some more. Here's how it reads as of right now.

Verse1:
I’m just a kid falling in quicksand
I know it’s obvious all my sin
But You fan this eternal spark
I got into more of Your passion
On the clearest day it’s us speaking
till the joy and the rain make me clean

Pre-Chorus:

Cause when I cry out to You like a little child

Yeah You turn all my fears into something wild
(last time through: You answer me, You comfort me, You cherish and adore me)


Bridge:

I’ve been with you where ever you’ve gone

And I will not take away My unfailing love


Chorus:

How great is His faithfulness, how great it is

How great is His faithfulness, how great


Verse2:
I try to hide, me and Jesus
It’s plain I run, time and again
When I’m out of breath, feeling worthless
It’s easier to sleep and dream how
Your plans are deeper than the seas
and my best living is at Your feet

Modifications

Well I changed it up a bit to fit the music and also just what my heart wanted to say. Can't wait to get it really down and start singing it for some peops! I never meant for it to seem dismal...ie shea's response to the first time I posted it. It's more like a confession of how much we are sinners but all the more how faithful He is. The bridge was His response to me one day...it's somewhere in Isaiah I think. Anyway...need to play it with dad and get all the little bugs out.


Verse1:
I’m just a kid falling in quicksand
I know it’s obvious all my sin
But You fan this eternal spark
You fan it into Your passion

Pre-Chorus:

When I cry out to You like a little child

You turn all my fears into something wild


Bridge:

I’ve been with you where ever you’ve gone

And I will not take away My unfailing love


Chorus:

How great is His faithfulness, how great it is

How great is His faithfulness, how great


Verse2:
I try to hide, me and Jesus
It’s plain I run, time and again
But Your plans are deeper than the seas
and my best living is at Your feet

Jen and I decided that we wanted to dye our hair. I wanted red highlights and Jen wanted to dye hers darker with light brown highlights. Of course the reason that the price of professional hair care and Wal-mart bought products is about a $70 difference is this: mine turned out to be bright pink, and Jen had a sort of orangish tint. I have not laughed so hard...well I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. So we immediately drove to Kroger, and re-dyed our hair. If my highlights had extended down to the tips I might have kept them. But instead the roots seemed to be the only thing that took the color. Anyway, it is a great story. I've been telling people all day at the expense of my pride. :) I wish I had taken a picture.

From Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ

Well I was given this book several years ago by Dustin Wauer. It is great for morning readings as the chapters are very short and read like devotionals. Something really spoke to me this morning. I love it when that little bit of warmth touches you somewhere deep inside, and you know you've been communing with the Divine. Let's have a pause.

Selah

I should say that feelings shouldn't dictate whether or not you know you've been hearing or experiencing God. Sometimes they do, sometimes there are none, yet there is still His voice. Usually the feelings are more intense in the beginning because He wants to encourage you that you can speak with Him. And then gradually they fade, or are more sparse, so as to build faith. It is impossible to please Him without faith. Do you think Noah or Abraham needed the little feelings or the faith to withstand almost a generation of ridicule and testing?

The quote:

Does abandonment end revelation? No, it does not. Quite the contrary, abandonment is the means that the Lord will use to give you revelation. The revelation you receive will come to you as reality rather than knowledge. This is made possible only by abandonment. You must remember to whom you are abandoning yourself.

As revelation comes to you, something happens; Jesus Christ actually makes an imprint of Himself upon your soul. Each time He comes to you, He leaves a new and different impression of His nature upon you.

Reflect on the last part in the contex of abandonment. He may come in many ways and forms but He is most real when we've chosen to just fall into Him. I prefer the reality of revelation as opposed to the knowledge kind. Both are legit. The reality kind is when you start to realize the Spirit is walking right beside you, or you're allowed a little glimpse into the beauty of the Father. I don't know if I've ever had an intense encounter with Jesus. I have seen Him in dreams...three times. I should make that my prayer for this season.

Oh wait, I take that back. Once in my room I was praying and there was one particular spot where I would look and I felt overwhelmed with the presence of the Lord. I kept hearing, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. I would look back down at my journal, write for a minute, and look back to that spot. I'd feel another wave and the scripture again. I did not see anything but I knew the Lord was there. I suppose it was Jesus. But I shall pray for another encounter with Him all the same.

C-hristmas

Can I just say quickly that Shea, James, and Paul I have a special surprise for you all this Sunday. I don't know if I can wait that long but I will try. It's merely a trifle however I know you three will appreciate it. I tried to incorporate something of you into it and I think, for the small amount of time put into, I have succeeded. So be excited, be be excited.

Your Faithful Friend-

Amy Elise "MadFrenchkiss" French

Who's A College Graduate?

The Problem of Pain

Well due to all our musings from today about hurts and relationships I decided to go to a pro. Here is a quote I found from Lewis and his book, The Problem of Pain. When it comes to really loving people I get fired up. We're suppose to no matter the cost to our own lives. The term has become so watered down and meaningless. I doubt if any of us knows what it truly means to love but we are all in the process of learning.

The problem of reconciling human suffering with the existence of a God who loves, is only insoluble so as we attach a trivial meaning to the word "love", and look on things as if man were the centre of them. Man is not the centre. God does not exist for the sake of man. Man does not exist for his own sake. "Thou hast created all things and for thy pleasure they are and were created." (Rev. 4:11) We were made not primarily that we may love God (though we were made for that too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which Divine love may rest 'well pleased.' To ask that God's love should be content with us as we are is to ask that God should cease to be God: because He is what He is, His love must, in the nature of things, be impedded and repelled, by certain stains in our present character, and because He already loves us He must labour to make us loveable...........What we would here and now call our happiness is not the end God chiefly has in view: but when we are such as He can love without impediments, we shall in fact be happy.

But God's love, far from being caused by goodness in the object, causes all the goodness which the object has, loving it first into existence and then into real, though derivative, lovability. God is goodness. He can give good, but cannot need or get it. In that sense all His love is, as it were, bottomlessly selfless by very definition; it has everything to give and nothing to receive. Hence if God sometimes speaks as though the Impassible could suffer passion and eternal fullness could be in want, and in want of those beings on whom it bestows all from their bare existence upwards, this can only mean, if it means anything intelligible by us, that God of mere miracle has made Himself able so to hunger and created in Himself that which we can satisfy. If He requires us, the requirement is of His own choosing.

Frenchie is out for the evening...

New Song, Painting, and Tea & Trumpets

Well I'm gonna post these new lyrics. Haven't got the melody pinned down for the verses yet but it's coming along. It's funny cause I don't really practice when my roomies are home. It's still such a private thing. Feels weird sometimes. I'm gonna have Noah's painting done by Christmas. Today is a painting day. I saw JJ one day at Barnes and felt inspired by a DJ pic he was drawing. Anyway, here's the latest:

Verse1:
All my falling in this quicksand it seems
I'm just a kid running blind in the dark
But it's okay cause I got an eternal spark
that won't let me go down too far

Pre-chorus:
So can I cry out to You like a little child?
Will You turn my fear into something wild?

Chorus:

How great is His faithfulness, how great it is
How great is His faithfulness, how great ( repeat)

Verse2:
All my worries can't shake this ground
that I found because You first loved me
And quieted my soul from ocean to sound
where my best living is at Your feet

Bridge:
I've been with you where ever you've gone
And I will not take away my unfailing love

It's definately a worship song to me...Was really encouraged on Sunday by some people's reactions to the video. Still pondering the worship team thing. I need to go for it...there are so many awesome places we could go (both in the Spirit and in travel). I want that free, inspired, creative release to flow through the leaders.

Aslan Comes to Town

I do not want to spoil too much of the movie for ya if you haven't seen it yet. Two of my favorite parts were however:

The scene in which Susan and Lucy are stranded in the tree by two wolves and Peter comes to their rescue. Aslan soon follows but instead of killing the wolves in one quick move he steps on one and allows the other to circle Peter. He says "Stay back...this fight is Peter's" or something like that. He knows the young king needs to know himself that he has what it takes to be a king. The wolf taunts Peter, "You don't have the courage. You're only playing..." Finally the wolf plunges and Peter slays it. Aslan allows the other wolf to go, telling his men to follow it because it will lead them to Edmund. I felt like this displayed the Lord's wisdom when most often we don't understand it but we are called to trust.

And I love the ending when Aslan is leaving and Lucy is upset. Mr. Tumnus tells her that they will see him again but you never know when. "For He is not a tame lion."

I also liked the part when the White Witch asks Aslan, "How do I know you will keep your promise?" And He just roars. She immediately sits down in her seat, looking dismayed.

I cannot say how much this movie uplifted my heart...to see King Jesus in the light of battle and His children's destinies. "Once a king or queen, always a king or queen." Long live the Lion!

After A Restless Night

Current mood: "All I really have amidst of these settings suns, city lights at best, portraits of my friends, but they don't make amends for this ridiculous mess."-JohnMark

Hold Me, Holy

So Sheamus recently made a music video of Hold Me with footage from New Orleans. It looks great. He gets to present it to a church in Ashville next Sunday. I think I'm gonna go and help represent. The chorus gets me all the time with faces of people and all the destruction of buildings. "I will not forget you..." That was a blessing, to see that song visually complimented.

In other news I've been praying about the possibility of hooking up with the worship team. I always joke about running off with Morningstar's team. But if I'm gonna really fight for anyone why wouldn't I fight for DP? As of right now that is my conclusion. I could go anywhere, do anything really but until the Lord says "go" I'm not moving. Hey was that a word I got in Serbia anyhow? Everything in me is wanting to run somewhere, be a part of something great. And He definately covers our mistakes but I heard a great definition of wisdom once. A. W. Tozer writes: "Wisdom, among other things, is the ability to devise perfect ends and to acheive those ends by the most perfect means. It sees the end from the beginning, so there can be no need to guess or conjecture. Wisdom sees everything in focus, each in proper relation to all, and is thus able to work toward predestined goals with flawless precision." He goes on to say that, "All God's acts are done in perfect wisdom, first for His own glory, and then for the highest good of the greatest number for the longest time. And all His acts are pure as they are wise, and as good as they are wise and pure." Still better, "Not only could His acts not be better done: a better way to do them could not be imagined. An infinitely wise God must work in a manner not to be improved upon by finite creatures."

Here's a good scripture concerning Don Potter's words and those of wisdom: "A person's words can be life-giving water; words of true wisdom are as refreshing as a bubbling brook." Proverbs 18:4

Is William Hurt in tha House?

The Don Potter conference was a breath of fresh air to put it in understandable cliche terms. I felt refreshed with the joy of the Spirit for the better part of the weekend. Not the rolling on the floor the whole time incapacitated kind but alive and enjoying laughing at my own jokes kind! He had a way of getting straight to the point without a whole lot of irrelevant information. I find that being deep and being real are completely different things sometimes. You can be deep without ever addressing heart issues but Don seemed to cut straight to the heart. He never left you feeling hurt or sorry that you went there but always wanting more. I think that is the way of the Spirit's true counsel. I shan't make him out to be a god or suggest that everything he said was valid Truth...however for the most part I felt the Lord speaking again and the confidence to trust that I am hearing Him. If we lack confidence then we will certainly never hear from Him. We might experience Him or see His miracles but we might miss the day to day impartation of His voice to us. Something I felt further confirmed was a word I had received several years ago at Morningstar. They said that I had the eyes of a seer...to see the church's foundation for what it ought to be and how to get there and also that I would see into my peers' lives into the things that are hindering them. So oftentimes I feel these checks to put it in charasmatic terminology...like something just isn't right. Something that might seem like wisdom when in fact it is the wisdom of man and not the wisdom of God. The wisdom of God is foolishness to those who cannot discern spiritual matters...ie the cross. But the way of the Lord is through humility for He must receive all the glory and it is through the cross for nothing lives without first being subjected to His death and resurrection, and it is a holy way...must be set apart or else the tarnishment of this world will eventually snuff it out. The way of the Lord is love or else you are nothing but a clanging gong and the way of the Lord is through His Spirit for there is the strength and the peace to endure. So the other night I had a dream about jewels. Christine Potter mentioned a specific wisdom coming, a wisdom like jewels. And in my dream there was an ocean full of these jewels. Someone was standing at the edge of the sea looking out into the water. The sky was blood red and the jewels were on fire...submerged in the water. There is this part in Jason Upton's new song "The Way of the Lord" where he goes into the sort of exchange that Jesus gave us...gives us. He took our vain ambition and turned it into friendship. How many times did He turn the other cheek when He could have hit us with our own hate? To the world that is foolishness. And it's funny to say the "world" like we're never a part of it. We might be called to be holy but so often we still mingle in its mindsets. We might be called the sons and daughters of God but we still want sh*t from the pig trough if that means we don't have to really put the effort into a better way. We can have the title but not the character of what it means to be His child. And then we only reap judgment on ourselves because His house will be like a pure bride when He returns. It's not like well if ya feel like getting cleaned up. The Lord is coming with a sword in His mouth. Anyway...I'm going on ain't I? Time fa dinna.

Here We Go

Well I'm off to the conference. Current mood...not sure. I feel like the one to whom Jesus said sell it all and follow me. I have news for ya...He means everyday. So literally I'm gonna sell my old snowboard. Spiritually I hope to get wasted on His presence this weekend. I need something very real, so in the words of John Mark..."wouldja come?"