Words from Belgrade

Well my trip is nearing its end and I can say that it's been trying, exciting, chill, powerful, and beautiful all wrapped into one package. I won't even attempt to write about our Croatia experience until I get back. Tonight I will be, by God's grace, playing some of my songs with a guy Phil has hooked me up with for our party tonight. So keep me in prayer, that I'll hear the Lord's voice and be able to sing His heart over the people there tonight. The time of ministry was powerful last night after Rick's teaching on judgment and sin. I prayed with a woman and I could sense alot of various points of bondage but didn't seem to know how to approach them. The Lord was faithful to give me words of wisdom that revealed various roots to those issues, such as a specific name. He's been so faithful admist my complaining and selfishness. Anyway, gotta run. BTW: How was Friday night???

INSIDER

I finished finding a melody for Noah's song. I think I'm gonna really like it. There's something really great when an idea that starts with one person is transformed into a larger body. I can only imagine what some of the great composers must have felt when their music was played by the entire orchestra for the first time. It takes on a life of its own. And you as the author are free to move within the boundaries that you've created, adding and improvising, decorating it with more intricate care.

What I've learned in the past few days is this: leadership is not really leadership until you no longer see any benefit for yourself but only for the people you're leading. I watched "The Core" the other night and although the movie pretty much flopped, there was this line that sort of hit home. Someone told Hillary Swank that she wasn't a leader until she lost. I think this is true for several reasons. One, no one will trust your infallible ways. You're not human to them. Two, you won't learn anything of value. You play it too safe and therefore will lead in such a manner. Three, you won't know what you're made of deep in your heart. Are you one who gives into to failure or do you press on?

Quote for the night: The Apostle says that a certain thing was imputed to Abraham as righteousness: or, as the revised version has it, "reckoned unto him." What was it that was thus imputed to Abraham? The righteousness of another? God forbid! It was his own faith. The faith of Abraham is reckoned to him for righteousness. -George MacDonald

Taking Some Time to Reflect

I feel it's been some time since I thoughtfully posted. These past few weeks have kept me busy with writing, work, preparing for Friday night, painting, and finding time to be with people. Shouldn't that come first? Maybe not all the time, but it is the thing which tends to get pushed to the side when we're consumed with our daily activities, at least with me. I love being with people, seeing what's going on in their lives, sharing common interests, or just a laugh. But, give me a song to work on, some goal that might not involve a whole lot of others and I'll usually let that take first priority. Some of it might be performance. Some of it is I just like perfecting the talents God's given me. And more and more, in this season, it's finding God in the midst of that. Well, last night was the Friday night thing. Yet again it was different than the time before but just as rewarding. I know what we're doing touches the heart of God in a new way. Like anyone, I think He probably gets bored with our usual ways of saying I love you or the ways we worship Him. Because He knows we can do so much more. He's created us and comprehends the depth of creativity and love we're capable of giving. The ones that go beyond what is required, go beyond what they think they're capable of, are the ones who steal His heart. That's what I want more than anything. To hear him say to me face to face, "You've got my heart. I trust you with it. There's no one else I'd rather give it to." I know when I'm only giving 60% or 10% or even 98%. Pushing through the wall, like the marathon runners, is when He really shows up. And it's not about performance or sacrifice it's about obedience. It's about asking the Holy Spirit to help us love Him more. We need Jesus to love Jesus. "For the ministry of service is not only fully supplying the needs to the saints, but is also overflowing through many thanksgivings to God." (2 Corinthians 9:13) Song of Solomon 8:7 says, "If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, it would be utterly despised." The bride is saying that she understands the cost and humiliation of giving everything to the Lord. But her life is a life of the fullest abundance and blessings that come with walking totaly surrended to His will.

Noah

This Friday is the Friday night thing. I'm looking forward to flowing with His Spirit. Next Saturday there is a baby dedication and Jen asked if we'd write a song for Noah. Here are some lyrics I've been working on. Don't know if we'll use them. Can't wait to sing over those children!

Verse1:

Listen with a holy ear
Sometimes you’ll feel alone
Cause the world is full of anger
To those who fear the Lord
But you can hear His whisper
As you’re walking with your Father

Pre-Chorus:

His hand is stronger than mine
And His thoughts are so high
He is the same, He will never change

Chorus:

Who can count Heaven’s host?
Who can measure the sands?
So are His thoughts and promises
To you, a child of favor

Verse2:

Listen with a holy ear
Sometimes you’ll want to hide away
Cause the world is full of pain
And without any mercy
But His love will always endure
As you’re walking with your Father

New Song

Verse1:

Whether you lie or tell the truth

Always give or live to take

Keep a promise or let them break

Make your rent or living the street

You can come just the same

Sing a song that touches Him


Verse2:

Whether you love or wait afraid
Hide in shame or feeling free
See there’s beauty or just the grind
Make the times or getting by
You can come just the same
Sing a song that touches Him


Chorus1:

Take off your shoes now and dance, oh, dance

Unclothe your pride and make a sound

We lay down the idol of ourselves

We are in His courts, on holy ground


Chorus2:

Shake off your burdens and dance, oh, dance
Put on His yoke and take off your own
We forget the idol of our pain
We are in His courts, on holy ground

This One, A long Time I have Watched

An M. Night door.
Kim felt guilty for holding a flower I picked. We put it back!
This is on my back. A big, big tattoo.
Why doesn't anyone use stone anymore??? Stone her!
"Always dreaming away, looking to the future. Never in the now..."
Look at the size of that thing. What a beauty. Too close and it might fall on you, smashing you to pieces. Oh, feel the exhilaration.
Picture by Sophia. What an eye, what an eye! I am high, I am high! (not really)
"I am not a committee!" We all ran through the rain, stomped in puddles, and road piggy-back.

Dinosaurs

Well I had a strange dream concerning dinosaurs, again. I've to believe they're spiritual forces or obstacles in my own dreams. This time it was a herd of brontosauruses that were attacking. I was at some city near the ocean. I was with two other girls and we were walking along an embankment at night that shouldered the water. We had already escaped one dinosaur's mouth. We saw about three more in the distance and decided to turn around. There was one behind us too, so we sort of waded through the water, beyond a metal gate and kept moving past these seaside apartments. We joined up with another group of people but they were walking too close to the apartments. I felt like a dinosaur could reach its long neck over the building without us even noticing and we'd be caught up in its mouth. So we separated ourselves and moved out farther along the land (the sea had ended, it was day, and we were walking through these green fields). We saw some huge power generators. At first I thought they might be some kind of amusment park ride, then I saw sparks coming off them and the power lines above. I heard a sound farther off which sounded like another dinosaur. We ran for some trees to hide. It ended up being two ptarodactyls. They flew overhead but I don't remember seeing the other group of people after that. We hid alongside a fence and on the other side was a man mowing his lawn. And that's it. Oh yeah, I lost my cell phone. One of the girls wanted to call someone.

The Saintly Handicapped

Tonight is the friday night thing if you're wondering. We've got a little video especial. It was odd visiting St. Albans, although I didn't go inside. But imagining all those mentally ill people and the ware and tear it must have on the staff as well...well I couldn't help but weep for them. Someday...however the Lord leads...I'd like to be able to participate in the healing of such illnesses. Cause I believe it involves both body, soul, and spirit, and thus it takes wisdom and discernment to bring about full restoration. Not exactly an easy job...but mental illness in general really is the leprosy of today's world. Lepers were made to live outside the city, where no human contact was allowed from the "normal" people. They were never touched, never affirmed, nor had any hope of recovery. Until, that is, Jesus laid his hand of healing on their deformed bodies. I remember reading somewhere that pain, to them, really is a gift. They lose their sensory of pain and thus they injure themselves in accidents. Infection sets in etc. Pain is just the red light that, hey be careful, something's wrong here. There's a man that comes to get coffee at the mall. There is something obviously wrong with him. He cannot stand still; he can barely talk right. I wonder if there's anyone taking care of him. I wonder if there's anyone praying for him or knows what his real issues are. I know God has so much compassion for people like this. I imagine a parent who finds out their child has some malformity at birth. How do they feel when the person they already love so much is going to struggle unnecessarily through life, probably dying at a young age? How much more does God cherish, and fight for that life? How much more could we as Christians fight on behalf of the Lord for someone like that? I guess, if you've ever felt like that there's a grace to war. Otherwise, it'd probably suck you dry and best to do something else.

Signs of Spring

Randomness

Today was a beautiful day. Aaron popped by on Robert's motorcycle, which I later rode with Robert through my neighborhood. Blue sky, warm sun, and green hills. Then, I went to see Bugz about getting my tattoo touched up a bit. Small world. He told me to tell Robert to call him while he's in town. Later, I went to Barnes to look up a book and visited some old co-workers. Ah, I do miss them. Ya ever feel like you know exactly how your life is going to turn out, at least in some aspects, and then it does a complete 180 on you? Not in a bad way, but it's unexpected. You have to adjust, almost like you're a completely different person. The ole butterfly metamorphis analogy might apply here. *INSERT* Anyway, in all my randomness today, I found myself seeing new possibilities and getting excited about them. It's really spring. It's easy to feel trapped in one part of your life because it's what you've been living in. But all it is, is the next stage that leads onto the next and the next. My advice? Stay adaptable or learn to be. Don't be afraid to make huge mistakes. Make them! And have fun. Gosh, we have to be here a while, may as well be fun.

The Weeping of Rachel

Well this is still in the works. I think I'll probably add a bridge.

Verse1:
She weeps like a willow, her head low
Bent by bitter water, a bitter soul
There is no hope in her reflection
When she looks there is no alteration
And who could love such a woman
And who could see more than weeping

Chorus:
Sometimes love is best in grief
If redemption has a sound
Sometimes hope sleeps like beauty
If it’s lost it can be found
Sometimes pain strips our dignity
If a naked heart is what You crown

Verse2:
She weeps for the lonely, is she heard
Tears like a canyon river, bitter deep
There echoes of a comforting word
Nothing can separate us, no nothing
And she forgets all that is dying
And for a moment finds His love alive

ART

My first question is...who got voted off American Idol last night???

I'm looking forward to some art projects coming up. Yes, Jen, my first priority is to finish the epic translation of Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe from book to canvas. Then, I have to get rolling on a couple of tattoo ideas for Danielle and Maranda. Scott Vernon also asked me to do a banner similar to the one hanging in the sanctuary for him. And, finally, I want to design a girl shirt for speakingtothedead. If that's not enough, I want to begin designing a cd cover which I've had several ideas for.

I've been working on my longer story of late. According to Steven King you never set something down for long periods and come back to it. But rules be damned. Mark Twain put Huck Finn down for ten years before coming back to it. I'm enjoying just working on my writing skills. Gotta keep them fresh and sharp. Also, I was inspired by a passage out of Jeremiah, and another song I just love by Kevin Prosch. So I'm writing something about the weeping of a woman like that image of Rachel in Jeremiah. Dad, I'd love to work on this one with you. I'm thinking somber melody. Hey, that's my forte. Well...time for the daily grind.

Stargate Does Rule!

This was a great compliment to me today, with just a slight hint of humor. Okay, so I was working at the coffee place in the hospital and a chaplain came up to get coffee. Jason introduced him to me etc. He left to do something. About ten minutes later he comes up and says to me, "Ever watch Stargate?" I laughed. "Of course!" He said, "You look like Amanda Tapping." I said, "Thanks! She's awesome." So he said he's gonna call me Sam, which is her name on the show. I think it's funny cause, 1) I love her character. I wrote about her once on here. But she's a leader, can use a gun, very smart, and very pretty. 2)I don't even have blonde hair right now. I use to say when I was kid, I want to be an actress. Then when I went to Morningstar's psychic connection, they said "I'm hearing dramatic arts." I laughed. Well, if the right role ever comes along. ;) We shall see.

I Did It

"It" as in I got my tattoo. And I love it. I love just looking at it. It was painful no doubt but not unbearable and when he changed needles, started filling it in, I thought that was much easier on the skin. Except at the end when my skin was getting a little raw and he kept going over the same area. But it's done. Right now it feels good cause it's slightly warm, almost like a sunburn. I can't sleep for some reason. It's around 3:45 am. Usually when I can't sleep, I do something like watch a movie, take a shower, or listen to music. But, tonight, I think I'll just write about how pleased I am witht the outcome of the design. Bugz, from Ancient Art did the tattooing. He's a nice, down-to-earth guy. He has a picture up of an old gas pump out in the middle of Wytheville. The number on it says, 666. He said it freaked him out and he was sober. The guy's a Christian, as far as I can tell. He was raised Catholic, rebelled, and then had an encounter with the power of God when he was about 23. Gracie...if you read this...get a tattoo. It's an experience worth every penny. I wish I could call someone in a foreign country, who'd be up right now.

Something to Chew On

Hey Chris, no hurry, but if you have some time, could I borrow some music? I picture this song having more of a funkier guitar groove. Something maybe like Dave Matthewsish. I don't know...but I feel it'd be beyond my playing skills right now. So if anything comes to mind let me know. :)


When the sun rises find lovingkindness
An addiction to fill up my veins
where my loss is Your gain, Your medicine
Despite what I’ve done, call me friend
Friends enough that I can listen
It’s okay God to be Yourself

I’ve got to be honest, I’m still afraid
That all You give can be taken
But I still believe I’m Your beloved
And I’ll love like a tragic hero
If I die or tears are mistaken
What I’ve given makes the rough smooth

(Verse)
You know why I’m here, why we mesh
I want Your heart or I’ll break apart
More than a guest, less of a slave
I want Your heart or I’ll break apart

A Dream

So last night I dreamed I was walking through some water at night, a lake that wasn't too deep even though I was pretty far off from shore. But I got scared that eels were going to attack me so I ran back to shore. But once there I saw a huge snake and it started moving toward me. I ran but the thing only moved faster. I came to a hill and running up it was too hard. As the snake got near to me, I turned and with a long staff, just smashed its head over and over.

Friday Recap

For some reason I've been finding my old blog site a little tedious to keep up with. It's strange cause usually I love to write anything...it's about getting thoughts down. I'm not sure I have a whole lotta thoughts right now on the subject of Friday night except that I thought it went well. I enjoyed it very much. It's funny cause I got hit with lonliness pretty hard Saturday night. And as I write this, that old feeling is creeping around. I was listening to a Kevin Prosch song today and he sings about the subject. He says something like, "it tells you this is your portion." I guess that's the lie I gotta fight. Tammy prayed with me this morning. She said she admired my strength and knew it was from the Lord. But I don't feel strong at all. I think I'm learning though, something through these past few days, that although the warfare increases, so does His mercy and grace. We say that, but to live it, that's another thing. This means less of me, and more of Him. Less of my strength and more of His. It's bull when you're with people who really love you but you feel isolated all the same. We need each other. As long as you stay in the herd you're not picked off. Anyway, I'm gonna go enjoy His presence for a while.

Come One, Come All

FRIDAY friday friday

NIGHT night night

THING thing thing

8pm 8pm 8pm

Getting My Creative Groove On

Well we needed a banner. The word is tehilla, spontaneous praise. Much bigger in person.

It's our secret weapon. If we don't know what to do...we'll be like, look at the picture! Should look phat under some black lights.

Friday Night Thing Update

Sunday night was an interesting time with the Spirit. I love this passage in John. "Truly, truly I say to you, when you were younger, you used to gird yourself and walk wherever you wished; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will gird you, and bring you where you do not wish to go" (21:18). It's not that I did not want to be there, at the church, that night but it's hard when you are called to work with a team of people. We're all so different with different ways of seeing things and we all come from different backgrounds and hurts. So what did we do? We started praying, asking God for various things, especially to be among us. We want what He wants and we want to see Him move this Friday night. Then I felt like we were suppose to pray over the men, as leaders, to set them apart and build them up. They lined up and the girls got at their feet. I started weepeing for the things that had been buried in them because of the world's hurts and ways of saying "this is what you're suppose to be." Katie prayed destiny over them and Maranda laid her hand on each of their backs, quoting the scripture that He will lead them wherever they go. Then, Ben said it was time for us and we grouped together in a huddle. The men circled around us. I was filled up with joy. They didn't even have to say anything. A few things were prayed but the Father wanted to pour out His peace and joy over us. Laura, Katie and I laughed for quite some time. Maranda told me later she wanted to run out of there for particular reasons. But all in all, the Spirit moved. Ben prayed that we were His little girls. James got a picture of us pressing wine in a vineyard and Jeremy asked for our faith to arise where it had been perhaps deadened. And then...we worshipped some. That was a good night.

Oh yeah, I figured out how I'm gonna pay for my tattoo. My tax return!