Nagshead

Currently I'm in North Carolina, at the beach. Aaron and I rented surfboards for the week and I'm trying to learn the sport. Not easy, my friends. I thought snowboarding was frustrating. Throw in waiting for the right wave, paddling with exhausted arms, and balancing well there ya have it. But, once up it is fun and rewarding. My knees are bruised though...can't wait to check out Hattaras in a few days. The weather's been great. In between relaxing and swimming, I've been thinking on a graphic novel idea. I want to do something story wise w/ my art but I'm not really interested in children stuff at the time. So, I thought of a neat concept for a short GN. Anyway, that's it for now.

Good Morning America

Let's see, I saw "Lady in the Water" recently. Spoilers, so be warned. The characters were great. Paul Giamatti had a stutter...I love that actor more and more. His broken, downcast spirit made him the unlikely hero. When the Howard girl started talking about why she was chosen to lead, and goes into this list about the things that are wrong with her, it was funny to me cause I just wanted to rise up and say, "Oh but that's what makes the best leaders...the ones who feel the least likely but who have the most courage when the time comes." And although it's a classic model of storytelling, I can identify most with a tale about a run-down, outcast lot that's the mold for our heroes.

The August 19th show I believe is still for the go. I'm excited b/c it will be a good attempt at meshing several styles and giftings. So be praying for us...

FNT has been going good...we're learning a lot and enjoying the journey, even the rocky parts. I'll be glad to spend some time with Robert Mearns in the near future, as he said he'd meet with our team and just speak some wisdom into us.

Em C G D
It is time to forget your past
Em C Am D
It is time for sacrifice
Em C G D
It is time the saints lay down their lives
Em C Am D
There’s a cry for freedom


Em C G D
It is time to leave behind your dead
Em C Am D
It is time to redeem the land
Em C G D
It is time to go to His mountain
Em C Am D
There’s a cry for freedom

G D Em
So run on to freedom
G D Em
Run on, run on (repeat)

C G D G
The old is gone, the new has come
C G D
The old things have passed away

It Is Finished

Well it only took about a year. I'd estimate about fifty hours of work, not including drying time. But as I look at it, it's sort of bittersweet cause so much has happened in the past year and it's been poured out onto that canvas. I miss it and as much of a pain in the arse that it was sometimes, wow, I can say I am so pleased that it's done. Noah, I hope ya like it.

War and Justice

The past week has been crazy hard and rewarding. The FNT turned out awesome after a day of warring through anxiety, stress, and frustration. I felt like we pushed through something major cause ever since that night, although it hasn't been butterflies and gumdrops, I have had this new level of confidence and vision. Anyway, I've been thinking more and more about wanting to play out. I wrote this this morning as a sort of recap to my thoughts from friday and a way to get it out there.

Verse1:
A word can kill your soul
like a hammer to a nail
Too tired to let it go
Hope is a broken anchor

Verse2:
When’s it gonna be your time
There’s been a fight so great
and now it’s hate you carry
You find, somewhere, truth is buried

Verse3:
The face of your beauty
is it scratched by weeping
Cries of the innocent ring
for the sick to rise off their beds

Chorus:
Just trust and let your heart rest
He is a saving defense
There’s a war with enemy lines
But He rides on the back of justice

I Miss You Guys!

Belgrade at its finest. We walked all over the city and I'm pretty sure we know it like we would know something we know very well.
A beautiful day at the Adriatic Sea. What the heck...it's weird to think I was all the way across the world only a short time ago. And where is my Danielle? Where have you gone to???
Autumn and Tim after the treacherous boat ride. We barely escaped with our lives. Here they recall how many times they puked.

I'm very slow at getting film developed. I have about 500 pics that need it. Currently I'm working on a little travel essay about our trip. Maybe I can post it when it's done.

T-Shirt Design

It'll say life after slavery, life after religion. Something to that affect. Proceeds will go toward friday night thing.

Black Makes me Laugh

Do you ever find yourself leaving a movie, still feeling like you're one of the characters and somehow a part of their world? Well, last night I saw Nacho Libre. And I definately did not feel like that after leaving this quirky comedy. My favorite part is Satan's Cavemen. Those little ankle biting gremlins had me laughing till my stomach couldn't take it anymore. The movie was out there, odd in a Napoleon Dynamite way...w/ some Wes Anderson nods ;) ;) that one was for you Kimbo. Jack Black brings another one home. So, for my pals that will remember this movie experience, a xxooXoXXO!

Tom Petty's Free Fallin'

So me and Keith had this idea to do this song soon for friday night. Only we'd have to change a few of the lines. But otherwise it would work well. So, give me opinions of ways we could alter some lyrics. Just whatever you think. Here's his song:

She's a good girl, loves her mama
Loves Jesus and America too
She's a good girl, crazy about Elvis
Loves horses and her boyfriend too
It's a long day living in Reseda
There's a freeway runnin through the yard
And I'm a bad boy cause I don't even miss her
I'm a bad boy for breakin her heart
And I'm free, free fallin
Yeah I'm free, free fallin
All the vampires walkin through the valley
Move west down ventura boulevard
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows
All the good girls are home with broken hearts
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'
Free fallin', now I'm free fallin,' now I'm...
I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
Gonna free fall out into nothin
Gonna leave this world for a while
And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah I'm free, free fallin'

Psalm 29

Can we say russ? Is anyone else's blog acting stately? ;) Well, I was spending some time with the Lord one morning in Serbia and was reading through Psalm 29. So I worked some of the passages into lyrical form. Then, today I re-worked them to a melody I liked. It's a simple song, but lately I've been trying to get back to the simplicity of loving Jesus.

Psalm 29

Verse1:
F#m A D A
Your voice comes like the wind
F#m A D A
to a heart troubled again
F#m D A C#m
Nothing can keep You away
F#m D C#m D
No nothing can keep You away

Verse2:
F#m A D A
Your words burn with desire
F#m A D A
the dry and dross from my heart
F#m D A C#m
So I can love You again
F#m D C#m D
And I will love You again

Chorus:
E F#m D A
In Your house everything cries glory
In Your eyes we are, we are holy
In Your house everything cries glory
E F#m D E
In Your eyes we are, we are holy

Orson Scott Card

If ya've never read anything by him...do it. I've come to realize he is not only a Christian whose career has been primarily in the secular world, but his insight into the character of God and humankind is point blank. Here are some quotes that hit a chord in me. But read Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow and find them for yourself (and then on to Speaker for the Dead if so inclined). Warning: SPOILERS!

Bean's musings on Ender from Ender's Shadow: The important difference was in the way he led the others. He had their fierce devotion instead of the ever-so-slightly-resentful obedience Bean got from them, which helped from the start. But he also earned that devotion by noticing, not just what was going on in the battle, but what was going on in his commanders' minds. He was stern, sometimes even snappish, making it clear that he expected better than their best. And yet he had a way of giving an intonation to innocuous words, showing appreciation, admiration, closeness. They felt known by the one whose honor they needed.

Bean's thoughts in the last battle: There was no way, at the beginning of this battle, to predict that the Buggers would make such a mistake. Yet throughout history, great victories had come as much because of the losing army's errors as because of the winner's brilliance in battle. The Buggers have finally, finally learned that we humans value each and every individual human life. We don't throw our forces away because every soldier is the queen of a one-memeber hive. But they've learned this lesson just in time for it to be hopelessly wrong---for we humans do, when the cause is sufficient, spend our own lives. We throw ourselves onto the grenade to save our buddies in the foxhole. We rise out of the trenches and charge the entrenched enemy and die like maggots under a blowtorch. We strap bombs on our bodies and blow ourselves up in the midst of our enemies. We are, when the cause is sufficient, insane.

Description of grown Ender by his sister in Speaker for the Dead: Ender was quiet and unobtrusive, but he could not possibly conceal his brilliant understanding of human nature. The average students would overlook him, but the best of them, the ones she hoped would come up with original thought, would inevitably follow the subtle but powerful clues he would inevitably drop.

Ender's thoughts on the Mayor in Speaker for the Dead: He was used to the way religious people assumed their sacred stories must sound absurd to unbelievers. But Ender did not consider himself an unbeliever, and he had a keen sense of the sacredness of many tales. But he could not explain this to Bosquinha. She would have to change her assumptions about him over time. She was suspicious of him, but he believed she could be won; to be a good Mayor, she had to be skilled at seeing people for what they are, not for what they seem.

Orson Scott Card has also recently written "Sarah", "Rebekah", and "Rachel and Leah," fictional books about the lives of those women in Genesis. I've only read Rebekah but it was well written. This was really my first clue that he is not just a pronounced Christian but a man of Godly character and understanding. Ever since I've looked for the clues throughout his "secular" novels.

Trip Blips

Surgery went good yesterday. I've never had stitches before. To the right is Venice. The boat ride back was a story in of itself.


Christians at the coliseum, ready for martyrdom. Who says weren't giving our all? Just because we dress nice and bring our cameras doesn't mean we aren't ready to lay our lives down. Besides, dying's so much easier than living. ;)





This sea-side town was breathtaking. Once I sell a few thousands books, go platinum on a cd, I just might retire here.

Words from Belgrade

Well my trip is nearing its end and I can say that it's been trying, exciting, chill, powerful, and beautiful all wrapped into one package. I won't even attempt to write about our Croatia experience until I get back. Tonight I will be, by God's grace, playing some of my songs with a guy Phil has hooked me up with for our party tonight. So keep me in prayer, that I'll hear the Lord's voice and be able to sing His heart over the people there tonight. The time of ministry was powerful last night after Rick's teaching on judgment and sin. I prayed with a woman and I could sense alot of various points of bondage but didn't seem to know how to approach them. The Lord was faithful to give me words of wisdom that revealed various roots to those issues, such as a specific name. He's been so faithful admist my complaining and selfishness. Anyway, gotta run. BTW: How was Friday night???

INSIDER

I finished finding a melody for Noah's song. I think I'm gonna really like it. There's something really great when an idea that starts with one person is transformed into a larger body. I can only imagine what some of the great composers must have felt when their music was played by the entire orchestra for the first time. It takes on a life of its own. And you as the author are free to move within the boundaries that you've created, adding and improvising, decorating it with more intricate care.

What I've learned in the past few days is this: leadership is not really leadership until you no longer see any benefit for yourself but only for the people you're leading. I watched "The Core" the other night and although the movie pretty much flopped, there was this line that sort of hit home. Someone told Hillary Swank that she wasn't a leader until she lost. I think this is true for several reasons. One, no one will trust your infallible ways. You're not human to them. Two, you won't learn anything of value. You play it too safe and therefore will lead in such a manner. Three, you won't know what you're made of deep in your heart. Are you one who gives into to failure or do you press on?

Quote for the night: The Apostle says that a certain thing was imputed to Abraham as righteousness: or, as the revised version has it, "reckoned unto him." What was it that was thus imputed to Abraham? The righteousness of another? God forbid! It was his own faith. The faith of Abraham is reckoned to him for righteousness. -George MacDonald

Taking Some Time to Reflect

I feel it's been some time since I thoughtfully posted. These past few weeks have kept me busy with writing, work, preparing for Friday night, painting, and finding time to be with people. Shouldn't that come first? Maybe not all the time, but it is the thing which tends to get pushed to the side when we're consumed with our daily activities, at least with me. I love being with people, seeing what's going on in their lives, sharing common interests, or just a laugh. But, give me a song to work on, some goal that might not involve a whole lot of others and I'll usually let that take first priority. Some of it might be performance. Some of it is I just like perfecting the talents God's given me. And more and more, in this season, it's finding God in the midst of that. Well, last night was the Friday night thing. Yet again it was different than the time before but just as rewarding. I know what we're doing touches the heart of God in a new way. Like anyone, I think He probably gets bored with our usual ways of saying I love you or the ways we worship Him. Because He knows we can do so much more. He's created us and comprehends the depth of creativity and love we're capable of giving. The ones that go beyond what is required, go beyond what they think they're capable of, are the ones who steal His heart. That's what I want more than anything. To hear him say to me face to face, "You've got my heart. I trust you with it. There's no one else I'd rather give it to." I know when I'm only giving 60% or 10% or even 98%. Pushing through the wall, like the marathon runners, is when He really shows up. And it's not about performance or sacrifice it's about obedience. It's about asking the Holy Spirit to help us love Him more. We need Jesus to love Jesus. "For the ministry of service is not only fully supplying the needs to the saints, but is also overflowing through many thanksgivings to God." (2 Corinthians 9:13) Song of Solomon 8:7 says, "If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, it would be utterly despised." The bride is saying that she understands the cost and humiliation of giving everything to the Lord. But her life is a life of the fullest abundance and blessings that come with walking totaly surrended to His will.

Noah

This Friday is the Friday night thing. I'm looking forward to flowing with His Spirit. Next Saturday there is a baby dedication and Jen asked if we'd write a song for Noah. Here are some lyrics I've been working on. Don't know if we'll use them. Can't wait to sing over those children!

Verse1:

Listen with a holy ear
Sometimes you’ll feel alone
Cause the world is full of anger
To those who fear the Lord
But you can hear His whisper
As you’re walking with your Father

Pre-Chorus:

His hand is stronger than mine
And His thoughts are so high
He is the same, He will never change

Chorus:

Who can count Heaven’s host?
Who can measure the sands?
So are His thoughts and promises
To you, a child of favor

Verse2:

Listen with a holy ear
Sometimes you’ll want to hide away
Cause the world is full of pain
And without any mercy
But His love will always endure
As you’re walking with your Father

New Song

Verse1:

Whether you lie or tell the truth

Always give or live to take

Keep a promise or let them break

Make your rent or living the street

You can come just the same

Sing a song that touches Him


Verse2:

Whether you love or wait afraid
Hide in shame or feeling free
See there’s beauty or just the grind
Make the times or getting by
You can come just the same
Sing a song that touches Him


Chorus1:

Take off your shoes now and dance, oh, dance

Unclothe your pride and make a sound

We lay down the idol of ourselves

We are in His courts, on holy ground


Chorus2:

Shake off your burdens and dance, oh, dance
Put on His yoke and take off your own
We forget the idol of our pain
We are in His courts, on holy ground

This One, A long Time I have Watched

An M. Night door.
Kim felt guilty for holding a flower I picked. We put it back!
This is on my back. A big, big tattoo.
Why doesn't anyone use stone anymore??? Stone her!
"Always dreaming away, looking to the future. Never in the now..."
Look at the size of that thing. What a beauty. Too close and it might fall on you, smashing you to pieces. Oh, feel the exhilaration.
Picture by Sophia. What an eye, what an eye! I am high, I am high! (not really)
"I am not a committee!" We all ran through the rain, stomped in puddles, and road piggy-back.

Dinosaurs

Well I had a strange dream concerning dinosaurs, again. I've to believe they're spiritual forces or obstacles in my own dreams. This time it was a herd of brontosauruses that were attacking. I was at some city near the ocean. I was with two other girls and we were walking along an embankment at night that shouldered the water. We had already escaped one dinosaur's mouth. We saw about three more in the distance and decided to turn around. There was one behind us too, so we sort of waded through the water, beyond a metal gate and kept moving past these seaside apartments. We joined up with another group of people but they were walking too close to the apartments. I felt like a dinosaur could reach its long neck over the building without us even noticing and we'd be caught up in its mouth. So we separated ourselves and moved out farther along the land (the sea had ended, it was day, and we were walking through these green fields). We saw some huge power generators. At first I thought they might be some kind of amusment park ride, then I saw sparks coming off them and the power lines above. I heard a sound farther off which sounded like another dinosaur. We ran for some trees to hide. It ended up being two ptarodactyls. They flew overhead but I don't remember seeing the other group of people after that. We hid alongside a fence and on the other side was a man mowing his lawn. And that's it. Oh yeah, I lost my cell phone. One of the girls wanted to call someone.

The Saintly Handicapped

Tonight is the friday night thing if you're wondering. We've got a little video especial. It was odd visiting St. Albans, although I didn't go inside. But imagining all those mentally ill people and the ware and tear it must have on the staff as well...well I couldn't help but weep for them. Someday...however the Lord leads...I'd like to be able to participate in the healing of such illnesses. Cause I believe it involves both body, soul, and spirit, and thus it takes wisdom and discernment to bring about full restoration. Not exactly an easy job...but mental illness in general really is the leprosy of today's world. Lepers were made to live outside the city, where no human contact was allowed from the "normal" people. They were never touched, never affirmed, nor had any hope of recovery. Until, that is, Jesus laid his hand of healing on their deformed bodies. I remember reading somewhere that pain, to them, really is a gift. They lose their sensory of pain and thus they injure themselves in accidents. Infection sets in etc. Pain is just the red light that, hey be careful, something's wrong here. There's a man that comes to get coffee at the mall. There is something obviously wrong with him. He cannot stand still; he can barely talk right. I wonder if there's anyone taking care of him. I wonder if there's anyone praying for him or knows what his real issues are. I know God has so much compassion for people like this. I imagine a parent who finds out their child has some malformity at birth. How do they feel when the person they already love so much is going to struggle unnecessarily through life, probably dying at a young age? How much more does God cherish, and fight for that life? How much more could we as Christians fight on behalf of the Lord for someone like that? I guess, if you've ever felt like that there's a grace to war. Otherwise, it'd probably suck you dry and best to do something else.

Signs of Spring