Tribute

Today "Beam me up Scotty" died. In honor of him this is a Star Trek rendition of last night's intern reunion (more of a meeting to discuss us teaching at a retreat but I did not want to say all that).

Cast:

Rick Sizemore as Kirk
Marc as Bones
Jared as Spock
Tulio as Scotty
Dave as Chekhov
Maranda as Nurse Chappel
Heather as Uhura
Amy as the villain

Stardate: 24543.1
Setting: Debriefing room after a recent mission to the planet, Pixie IV.

Scotty: Well Jim, I just didn't have the power. I heard you loud and clear through our official Christian Comm Link, the new and upgraded fish edition. But I haven't installed the matching chariot transporter interface yet.

Bones: Damn it Jim, we lost your signal after you took off for the grande opening of Pixie Donuts. Do you know what those ingredients will do to a man your age?

Kirk: I am fully aware of the danger I placed myself in. It was well worth the risk. Everything would have been fine if the natives had not unleashed their gods.

Spock: It is irrational to call large, carnivorous chickens gods. They are in fact composed of the same biological blueprints as those on earth. The molecular composition of the stratosphere on Pixie IV is conducive to extended growth.

Kirk: The point is my Vulcan friend, I wanted my Pixie Creams.

Chekhov: Only, they were too big to eat and I had to drag you out of a pile of greenish goo.

Bones: Good God man, that wasn't donut filling! Did you ingest any?

Chekhov: Well, no I didn't have time. The chickens were tailing us. We got lucky that they became preoccupied with the donuts.

Kirk: Yeah, Jesus! If it wasn't donut filling what was it?

Nurse Chappell: I did an analysis on some of the residue left on your tunic in-between Trading Spaces 3001. They recently cloned Frank's clone but he's just not the same. Hillary's robotic breast implant is starting to consume too much oil. They might have to amputate.

Spock: Interesting. Vulcans do not see the need for enlarged mammary units.

Bones: Have you all gone mad?

Kirk: Yes, what kind of donut filling was the green goo?

Nurse Chappell: The test results showed...

Chekov: Let me guess, one of those prehistoric birds ate too many donuts and spewed.

Nurse Chappell: No, not spew. But poo.

Kirk: I ate Pixie poo?

Uhura: Captain, although I do enjoy just sitting here as a luscious, exotic babe, I have to say that our date is off!

Scotty: Maybe that's why the transporter could not lock on a signal. Even though I was operating the white horse edition it still should have worked once you were out of range from the filth of Pixie.

Kirk: Don't worry about it, Scotty. You can buy me a drink.

Bones: Count me in! I've got a head ache from hell.

Spock: That is very implausible.

Bones: Oh lighten up my pointy-ear companion.

Spock: That is also implausible.

Little did the team know that these very large, very hungry chickens could fly. In fact, they could also hold their breaths for some time, which made the next part a good ending.

Scotty: Did anyone feel that rumbling?

Kirk: It wasn't me!

There was no time to call for evasive action. The ceiling was disintegrated by a blood-thirsty beak. As gravity left the Enterprise, the crew began to float toward the squawking mouth. One by one they were consumed in a frenzy of feathers and all that could be heard was the deafening cry of the chicken: "Stargate rules!"