Open the Vents

It's been one of those weeks. Not overwhelmingly so, but just annoyingly so. Saturday is my birthday and for the first time that I can remember I'm sort of not looking forward to it. My parents aren't here, my roomies are in CA, and other friends are off on their own little adventures. I got into an agrument with Aaron the other day about how he made some comment about not having money to go out for my birthday. And I know I took it the wrong way but it pissed me off cause he could've just said something like I'll go and just not eat. It's just me dealing with rejection and oh yeah hate. I told God this week that I really didn't care if I held onto my hate cause I was tired of loving people here anyway. And after I had my little pity party He sort of reminded me of this dream where there was a spirit of hate in my room and He had to kick it out. It's really just little things. Work, stuff at home, it adds up. I feel there are some things I ought to finish. But I also feel like there's gonna be a change in the near future. Maybe that just means me getting off to Serbia and Macedonia for a bit. I'm sort of gritting my teeth and trying to have the best attitude. I don't have a whole lot of grace for those younger than me, like the peops in the intership that I should have grace for. They just really tick me off most of the time b/c of the way they feed off each other instead of going to God. And that shouldn't bother me; no one said they're mature Christians yet. I could go on and on and really hurt some people I think. So I'll leave it at that. I'm tired of hearing the same old answers to people's problems. Have the stuff people say I don't think they even believe it themselves. It's like would you want to hear a cliched reply to your life's dilemma? And I'm not even talking about me. I just listen sometimes to their opinions that go on and on and I wonder if they even stopped to consult God on the matter or if they're just hoping to strike oil at some point during their monologue. Oh yeah, that brings me to another point, why do I want to marry "a nice guy?" LOL. That's like saying, well he may not really love God and he may be full of selfish ambition, but he's a nice guy so that's all that matters. Don't people get it yet? I just want to be with someone whose heart is completely in love with the Lord. I don't care if they only love me a little bit. Someone who thinks I'm their sun and moon would drive me crazy anyway!!! But I can run with someone who's running after God. And that's all I want to do. Run with God. Hell, marriage is overrated anyway. People build their fantasies up in their mind, like it's the answer to every bit of lonliness or isolation or failure you've ever felt. That problem's only gonna be bigger once you're married and you've haven't got it yet that only Jesus can help. I'm not cynical on the matter. I still believe there's one person you're created to be with. I don't care what others say about the issue. So don't ask me to treat it either as some common thing. Did Jesus date around till He found the one He wanted to die for? No, He knew me before time and knit me in my mother's womb. His timing is so perfect. Anyway, enough on that. I think I'm done for now. I feel better. Thanks.